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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She doesn’t want to go anywhere

26 replies

Whatasunset · 14/10/2021 18:45

My daughter is 3. We tried pre school part time, she cried lots and clearly didn’t want to go, so we took her out until after Christmas or next September. Have tried ballet, wouldn’t stay in the room (we waited outside looking in) has been to gymnastics a few times, looks like she’s enjoying it when in there, but often cries saying she doesn’t want to go when we arrive there.
Do we just accept she’s not enjoying it and take her to nothing or is it bad to not stick to anything? All the other kids go in no problem. She’s not a shy child by any means.

OP posts:
Ligglepiggle · 14/10/2021 18:47

Is there a middle ground activity where you can get her used to doing something but with you still there? It’s probably a big change going from being with you all the time to doing something ‘alone’
My DS wouldn’t do any activities etc he had no choice re pre school as I worked but now he’s 6 he does an after school activity which is massive progress. I do think some just like being at home

Original poster
Whatasunset · 14/10/2021 18:51

@Ligglepiggle Because of covid etc, we can’t sit in the sports hall, I’m literally sat in the car now outside the door and she knows that. At the ballet, the parents are outside windows looking in, she could see us but kept running out saying she didn’t like the music etc. She loves going out and isn’t shy

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Original poster
Whatasunset · 14/10/2021 18:53

I feel terrible, but also think it would be good for her to do something alone for a short time. It’s a 50 minute lesson

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1AngelicFruitCake · 14/10/2021 18:54

I know you say she isn’t shy but is that with you/her family or when you’re with her? She sounds like she’s lacking confidence and feeling insecure. Personally I’d try and find things to encourage her to have some independence rather than just accept she doesn’t want to each time.

Ligglepiggle · 14/10/2021 18:55

Ah I was thinking swimming etc but wonder if she would go in on her own at 3 (with swimming teacher obviously!) clubs etc are largely back to normal around here sorry probably not much help.
I think I would just do what made her happy barring school etc obviously

Original poster
Whatasunset · 14/10/2021 18:57

@1AngelicFruitCake She was very outgoing and not clingy at all, but after being at present school for a trial, she’s the opposite, hides from people and doesn’t seem to want to play with other kids as much. She used to run up to them

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bridgetreilly · 14/10/2021 18:59

She’s 3. It’s completely fine for her not to do activities at that age. Just stop and try again in 6 months.

Bamaluz · 14/10/2021 19:21

She's only three, plenty of time to try different activities a bit later on if he doesn't want to do them now

NigelSlatersXmasTaters · 14/10/2021 19:23

She's only 3. Try again when she's 5 or 6

Beamur · 14/10/2021 19:24

I would not bother with activities for 6-12 months and try again. She's secure with you, hence not seeming shy but not ready yet to be apart. That's fine btw.

Enterifyoudare · 14/10/2021 19:25

I think at 3YO she's a bit young for being left on her own at activities. If you're going to take her to do activities, do ones that you can stay with her

Osrie · 14/10/2021 19:35

Totally agree. Three is very young and a 50 minute class seems far too long. Plenty of time when she’s older.

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/10/2021 19:39

Are you doing these things because you think she’s ready to enjoy them or because you or other people think she should for some reason?

She’s only little, plenty of time for organised fun.

Does she get to interact with other children in day to day life?

My DD is 2.5 and I’m putting off stuff likes classes for as long as possible. She’ll run over to other kids in the park, is comfy chatting to older kids and adults and has a couple of little friends around where we live.

I’ve got much older step kids and have done the whole incessant activities thing for years so I’m not rushing for more.

Cantstopthewaves · 14/10/2021 19:42

She's still very little. I'd not be pushing her to do anything.

Auroreforet · 14/10/2021 19:51

@Whatasunset. Is your dd sensitive to noise?
My dgs at that age hated noisy activities.

Original poster
Whatasunset · 14/10/2021 19:52

@AnneLovesGilbert Because she didn’t take to pre school, I thought it would be good for her to at least do something short? Just to mingle with other kids more. We do see friends and she has play dates probably every week or two, but I was worried it wasn’t enough.

She came out smiling and I said ‘Did you have fun?’ She said ‘Yes!’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Original poster
Whatasunset · 14/10/2021 19:53

@Auroreforet Yes, she seems to be, is that normal? I think the pre school really had an impact on her as she hated all the noise and shouting (amongst other things)

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Original poster
Whatasunset · 14/10/2021 19:54

@Enterifyoudare But many go to pre school every day, nearly all day. I was thinking once a week for 50 minutes would be good for her possibly

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moonshine3600 · 14/10/2021 19:58

The activities can wait.
Any playgroups around you? Stay and plays so she can interact and you can be there

MakingM2 · 14/10/2021 20:09

Can you speak to your health visitor? Children can behave very differently in different environments & health visitors have experience of lots of children. They can put your mind at rest or highlight anything you might be able to do to help.

Nuttymonkey · 14/10/2021 20:19

Maybe see if a childminder would suit her more, in a homely setting with just a few children? I would take the pressure off, scrap the groups, take a 2 month break and then try a Childminder maybe

Anotherboy · 14/10/2021 20:25

Totally normal. Echo what other posters have said - leave it a few months and try again. We went through the same thing, and it was a case of time and finding activities they really liked.

Original poster
Whatasunset · 14/10/2021 20:30

But if she’s happy when she’s in there and says she had fun when she comes out 🤷🏻‍♀️

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ToykotoLosAngeles · 14/10/2021 20:36

My DS is nearly 3 and has been at nursery part-time for 2 years, but he still cried every morning for 2 weeks when he moved from toddlers to preschool. It can take a bit of persistence and I'm pretty sure it was just the unknown getting to him. He's fine now.

Greentomatoes21 · 14/10/2021 21:57

I would advise choosing one thing and sticking to it for a while. Consistency and familiarity will boost confidence. It is definitely good practice for them to have a little bit of time away from parents in the run up to nursery/school years when being away from you becomes compulsory. And it is good to send the message that we try to stick at things. Equally, she is still only 3, so it isn't a huge deal either way and she won't always react the way she is currently...but I would try to get to the ball rolling as she nears school age.