Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Mild autism

144 replies

Sailorsgirl44 · 14/10/2021 17:50

My son is 8 and we were told last year that he has mild autism.. I've been browsing through posts on Mumsnet and have seen it said a number of times that this is no such thing?

The reason we put him through the assessment process was because he struggled a lot in his first year in school. He lashed out at other kids a few times and the teacher said he would find it hard to calm down after things like lunch break. In pre school he had fought quite a lot with another kid and had been bored a lot. In play centres I often had to leave early as he would have had enough of it and would go on and on at me until I left. At home he adores one sibling and is very easily irritated by the other.

I've noticed huge improvement in him over the years. For example we used to bring earphones to the cinema as he hated the loud noise at the start. The assessment team really focused on this issue. But after covid this didn't seem to be an issue in the cinema - we don't need the earphones any more. His behaviour with other kids is much better - he knows to walk away if there is a problem (as I've repeatedly taught him).

He does make eye contact, he can maintain conversations etc. He does sometimes make odd sounds - silly voices, etc. He also used to suck his clothing (around his neck) but seems to have largely grown out of that. He does hold his hands up in front of himself like a squirrel sometimes.. It seems odd. But if ever I say stop talking that way or put your hands down he will comply straight away.

He does have some class friends but due to covid I haven't seen him playing with them as much.

In school he gets a movement break every day from class. He's allowed to use putty if he wants to. And he is allowed to go to the back of the class to chill out if things feel overwhelming to him. I'm happy for him to have these supports in place. But I wonder if he was misdiagnosed?

OP posts:

brushlaptop · 14/10/2021 17:52

Sounds like he was misdiagnosed, but if the things he has in place at school due to the diagnosis help then maybe just leave it? You can just know for yourself that he's not autistic and will lead a normal life but if he wants to be allowed to play with putty then why not!

Queenie6655 · 14/10/2021 17:54

How was he diagnosed?
Multi disciplinary team?

Did school give their input and you also?

It sounds like he has some traits
Can you ask for a review ?

picketingpanic · 14/10/2021 17:56

Don't tell him to move his hands or stop talking 'that way'. Poor kid.

Just leave him be.

annieannietomjoe · 14/10/2021 17:56

To get a diagnosis is not easy and is based on the assessment with him and what you say...what age was he diagnosed? Although he maybe wouldn't meet the criteria now if they assessed him that does not mean that he is not autistic...he is just progressing well and needs limited provision.

(Nowadays you say someone is autistic or not, mild and severe are not used, my DS is autistic, he is social and most people do not see his struggles but they are there and real, most people don't see it because they are not clued up in autism)

Ponoka7 · 14/10/2021 17:58

Fuck this is going to get insulting. 'Normal' has already been put out there in the first reply.
Autism is a spectrum, we (me and my youngest DD who works full time) are at different places on that spectrum, but both lead normal lives.
He's having support so is coping. The reason mild autism isn't used Is because it isn't helpful. I'm what used to be called high functioning, but I've had issues with social relationships all of my life and my life has been affected by being autistic. My DD would have been known as less functioning than me, yet uses her traits as strengths. She works in hospitals. She can detach and stay calm throughout any happening, she has a constant calmness about her.

Ponoka7 · 14/10/2021 18:00

"Don't tell him to move his hands or stop talking 'that way'. Poor kid.
Just leave him be."

I don't agree with that, we've got to learn to mask and function in society. Life is easier if you can blend in.

picketingpanic · 14/10/2021 18:00

@Ponoka7

"Don't tell him to move his hands or stop talking 'that way'. Poor kid. Just leave him be."

I don't agree with that, we've got to learn to mask and function in society. Life is easier if you can blend in.

And THAT is how you fuck an autistic kid up.

Ponoka7 · 14/10/2021 18:12

@picketingpanic, no it isn't. I'm not embarrassed about being autistic, neither is my DD or her peer group from her SEN school, but we all mask to some degree now. Options vary, the way they do in the deaf community, but we wouldn't deny a child other therapies to remove the effects of some conditions.

DoesHePlayTheFiddle · 14/10/2021 18:16

does hold his hands up in front of himself like a squirrel sometimes

I do that! Another autism trait for my list. I'm diagnosed already.

Stop trying to make him 'right', OP. He's perfect for an autistic.

Hoardasurass · 14/10/2021 18:17

Mild autism is another way of saying asburgers (sp) or high functioning which just means that the autism doesn't effect others much. It's a really crappie way to describe ASD but as certain campaigners (usually those who self id as autistic) don't like the term asburgers (sp) so have successfully campaigned to have it removed as a diagnosis. So now people who would have got it as a diagnosis are told that they are mildly autistic or are high functioning.
Although you may find your DS's stimming (both vocal and physical) annoying please don't stop him he is doing it for a reason usually because he is not coping well with his emotions, also if school has made adjustments he will hopefully be less stressed and having to mask less so will have less meltdowns.
Both my ds and I have ASD I'm at the "high" functioning end whilst ds is at the "low" functioning end (very poor way of describing it) we are both equally effected by things but I can mask better than he can so people assume that they don't effect me they are wrong.
I would advise you to do some research on asd perhaps starting with the asd society

Hoardasurass · 14/10/2021 18:24

@Ponoka7 no we don't have to mask and saying someone should is wrong and really offensive. If anyone has to change its the people who judge autistic people not those of us who are autistic.
I was forced to mask as a child and it caused me so many problems and really damaged my self esteem and self worth

MistyFrequencies · 14/10/2021 18:24

Sounds autistic to me, based on limited information you've given I work in a related field, and have an autistic son, if that makes any difference to the validity of my opinion.
And yes, please stop telling him to move his hands how he needs to or speak how he is comfortable. You can't un-autistic him , he is who he is.

LaikO · 14/10/2021 18:25

@Ponoka7

"Don't tell him to move his hands or stop talking 'that way'. Poor kid. Just leave him be."

I don't agree with that, we've got to learn to mask and function in society. Life is easier if you can blend in.

Oh gosh, no. I've been trying so hard to stop masking, I didn't even realise I was doing it until after I was diagnosed. OP, your son absolutely doesn't have to attempt to mask.

Ponoka7 · 14/10/2021 18:27

@Hoardasurass, but saying "oh great he isn't autistic, he can now have a normal life" isn't offensive? I've said there's different trains of thought and each autistic person has to decide for themselves.

Ponoka7 · 14/10/2021 18:31

@LaikO, it depends on what your masking is. I've taught myself to make eye contact, so have a lot of autistic people who I know. Lots learn how to fake empathy for work relationships. I've stopped being so blunt. I've learned to soften my tone. Inwardly I might be thinking 'you NTs and your emotions ffs' but outwardly you wouldn't know it. Autism can give you a lot of strengths, as can other conditions.

Sirzy · 14/10/2021 18:34

Mild autism is more about how everyone else sees it and plays down the day to day struggles faced. It probably just means they are good at masking which isn’t always a good thing

Ponoka7 · 14/10/2021 18:34

@Hoardasurass, your not getting that the OP thinks he's been misdiagnosed, as does the first poster, because he seems normal now. That's why I said this is going to get offensive.

Percie · 14/10/2021 18:38

@ponoka7

I no longer have the energy to mask much. I didn't realise masking is what I was doing until I was diagnosed with Asperger's this year. I don't know if it's an age thing, the added pressure of parenting young kids, including one with ASD, work pressure, dealing with past trauma or just knowing I shouldn't have to do it, but I'm struggling more and more.

How do you keep going with it?

waterrat · 14/10/2021 18:38

I understand op. My 7 Yr old is being assessed and some days I see her struggle hugely and others she fits in with others more easily. I think it's very unlikely to get a wrong diagnosis ? Also it's great he is getting support for his individual needs regardless of diagnosis. Perhaps that is why his behaviour seems to have changed.

Re. Social and lockdown etc. In some ways children have had such a different time it's hard to tell about socialising . Ie my daughter had the same teacher fir two years and only socialised in a bubble. I think that actually helped her in some ways.

waterrat · 14/10/2021 18:40

Rather than normal I think the OP means neuro typical. Let's not pounce on each other for language. She is comparing a behavior seen as diverging from the norm to behaviour more often considered 'normal '.

Percie · 14/10/2021 18:42

@Sailorsgirl44 it doesn't sound like he's been misdiagnosed, it sounds like the adjustments school are putting in place are helping him by reducing some of the stress he had in the school environment.

Be aware though that just because he complies when you ask him to stop stims it doesn't mean he didn't need to do it, or that he's able to manage the situation without. He is likely getting better at hiding things as he gets older - this is a double-edged sword.

BlackeyedSusan · 14/10/2021 18:45

sometimes we redirect the stimming to an alternative calming mechanism due to another condition which can be exacerbated by flapping, or the fact that it is not going to help the original stimmer to have two more autistic people having a meltdown triggered by the stimming. Neurodevelopment team OT was able to suggest calming activities for when a meltdown was brewing and they have been helpful in reducing the severity/ helping prevent meltdowns.

Queenelsarules · 14/10/2021 18:48

Many Autistic traits are actually Autistics showing distress because they are struggling and unable to self regulate, if your son is struggling less because his needs are understood and accommodated then he will be less distressed, but he won't be less Autistic.

Mis diagnosis is rare. Please allow your son to swim in the ways he needs to, this is how he deals with stress, take that away and it will turn inwards.

Queenelsarules · 14/10/2021 18:48

Stim obviously, not swim

onthinice · 14/10/2021 18:53

@percie out of interest did you get your diagnosis for Aspergers in England? I ask because when my DD was diagnosed last year I was told Aspergers, high functioning and any other specific term within autism was no longer used and she was diagnosed simply as Autism Spectrum condition /disorder.

Back to the point of the thread, it doesn't sound like he was misdiagnosed. Have you done an earlybird or cygnet course, or any other autism course?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread