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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be not be ‘neighbourly’?

49 replies

AutumnIsTheBest · 14/10/2021 15:47

New neighbours moved in about 3 months ago. They are not direct neighbours but the side of their house and half of their garden fence adjoins our drive and garage. We live in a small cul de sac (we’re at the end of it).

Anyway from moving in, they’ve caused issues as they seem to be gutting the house and doing up the outside of it and the garden, blocking the road with lorries and vans. The road is extremely narrow with a bend into the cul de sac with a few parking spaces at the top. Neighbours drive has been full of building materials for weeks so they are taking two of those spaces for their cars and also parking vans directly in front of their house in the tiny front garden area over spilling into the narrow road making it difficult to get round. Lots of noise, banging and loud bass from playing the radio in the garden full volume.

I have been asked by neighbour a few times to not park on my drive as he wanted to put scaffolding on the side of his house so on my drive. So had to park much further down the road a few times. Fair enough.

A few weeks ago he had a massive lorry delivering sand totally blocking the road. It was lucky I came out before they started offloading it as going to get DC from school or I wouldn’t have been able to get out at all for about 30 mins. Neighbour didn’t knock and say road is going to be blocked. When I said I need to get out the driver harrumphed. Neighbour didn’t say anything.

Neighbour also used a pressure washer to do his garden and covered the side of our car in mud as it came through the fence. He did apologise and his wife wrote a sickly note about not trying upset us, trying to be neighbourly and looking forward to being a part of the communityHmm with a tenner to wash the car which we gave back. They said they expected works to be completed in December!

Anyway, a few weeks ago neighbour said he wanted to paint the fence adjoining our drive and also sand the side of his house, so could we park elsewhere. He made the point that he didn’t want to damage my car, obviously as a thinly veiled threat. I said let me know in advance. Never heard anything until this morning when I was reversing in from school run and he’d already put a sheet down on my drive ready to paint the fence. He came over and said he wanted to do the work today as weather good. I said OK, how long for. He said all day. So I had to drive out and park on the main road as his cars are blocking the top of our cul de sac. I mean he could have moved one of his cars onto the main road so I could park there knowing he was blocking my drive right?

Been out again and did some shopping on the way back, so having to carry heavy bags down the road, he’s finished painting the fence but has put scaffolding up on the side on the house on my drive, he’s standing in it. I say how much longer are you going to be? He says a few more hours but it’ll take a another few days as I want to paint the side of the house.

I say ‘Really’? He then says ‘look it is really putting you out parking down the road?’ I say yes it bloody well is! We also had just got a new car and I don’t want it on the main road. He then says I’m trying to be neighbourly but i won’t ask you again, I’ll just do what I need to do! I say well as long as you’re not blocking my drive, the road or cause any damage to my car then and asked him who the hell he thinks he is.

AIBU? This has gone on for months now. The twat doesn’t care about the impact he’s having on us. This was a very quiet cul de sac and now looks like a building site. He never approached us when he first moved in to mention what he was going to do.

He seems to think because he wants to do stuff to the side of his house, he has a right to use our drive to do it on!

OP posts:
Chloemol · 14/10/2021 16:32

Go knock on the door tonight and say you need a chat
Then explain the inconvenience to date, and that actually moving forward if they want the use of your drive it will mean they need to move one of their cars to allow you to park there and they park on the main road

Alternatively they do not have permission to use your driveway for anything and any damage caused by works on their house has to be put right immediately

RandomLondoner · 14/10/2021 16:37

I don't see what he could have done differently, other than not have work done he wants done on his house. It's not like he had other options that would have caused less inconvenience.

The one issure I'm more uncertain about is scaffolding. I think it is generally reasonable to let someone put scaffolding on your land if they need to do work you're not opposed to in principle, but I'd guess it would also be fairly reasonable for them to pay you for the privilege. The flats where I live have negotiated compensation from the builders of next door towers just for the right of cranes to pass over our airspace. If they have to pay us for airspace we can't use anyway, I'd imagine a temporary right to some scaffolding would be worth even more.

Quickchangeartiste · 14/10/2021 16:38

@Chloemol

Go knock on the door tonight and say you need a chat Then explain the inconvenience to date, and that actually moving forward if they want the use of your drive it will mean they need to move one of their cars to allow you to park there and they park on the main road

Alternatively they do not have permission to use your driveway for anything and any damage caused by works on their house has to be put right immediately

Absolutely this. They are behaving like entitled twats. You are not unreasonable, but on the basis that this will pass and you will still be neighbours, a cool approach is what is needed.
billy1966 · 14/10/2021 16:38

@RedCarsGoFaster

Why the fuck has he got scaffolding on your property? Who gave permission for that? Has he asked?
Are you out of your mind?

He has NO right to step on your property in ANY shape or form without permission.

How can you not know this?

This is really unbelievable.

Why are you accepting him telling you to move YOUR car on YOUR property?

billy1966 · 14/10/2021 16:43

Get a legal letter sent informing him he has 7 days to remove the scaffolding or you will be charging him.

You have been ridiculously passive.

Report him to 101 if he is aggressive.

shivawn · 14/10/2021 16:48

Parts of this sound like you're understandably annoyed, other parts sound slightly hysterical, like you thinking that he was threatening you over the car. None of this would really trigger me to be honest but I don't think you're being completely unreasonable either.

Sirzy · 14/10/2021 16:56

@shivawn

Parts of this sound like you're understandably annoyed, other parts sound slightly hysterical, like you thinking that he was threatening you over the car. None of this would really trigger me to be honest but I don't think you're being completely unreasonable either.
This.

If your not happy then go and talk to them like adults, but a lot of your complaints are just part and parcel of living in a cul de sac surely? Do you have an alternative way he could do the work on the house?

WomanStanleyWoman · 14/10/2021 16:59

@JudgeRindersMinder

You’re being a bit unfair I think. Unfortunately works take time and are messy amd a bit noisy. He was very decent about jetwashing onto your car (damn sight more decent than our old neighbour was) Did you return the tenner just so you could say he was unreasonable?
I think he’s being cocky generally, but I also wonder if you gave the tenner back to make a point. What was ‘sickly’ about the wife’s note?
fourminutestosavetheworld · 14/10/2021 17:06

He has no right to erect scaffolding on your drive but your other complaints are ridiculous.

If he's renovating his house, he's going to have deliveries and workmen arriving. I get that it's inconvenient but it's also something he can't avoid really, and it will only be for a relatively short term. I mean, if you decided to build an extension or something, you'd have vans and workmen and noise and mess at your house too wouldn't you?

When he splashed your car it was through the fence I think, so not something they foresaw. Nevertheless they apologised by note and paid for a car wash. Why is this sickly? By saying this, you make me think that you are not a very nice neighbour and I automatically begin to think that YABU about other stuff too.

I also fail to see how asking you to move your car was a 'thinly veiled threat.' I always ask my neighbour to move their car if I'm painting a fence or pressure washing the driveway. Surely he was just trying to avoid a repeat of the previous incident?

IntermittentParps · 14/10/2021 17:12

@Hilly17

I totally get where you are coming from, this would get my back up too. However to make sure you all stay civil I really think it's worth going round and saying sorry you got angry can you come to an agreement between you about what would make things better. Such as giving you notice, maybe agreeing at the start of the week what days they need access. Being kind enough to allow you space at the top of the road to park instead of having to park in the main road. At least then you've tried and if they don't stick to the agreement you can go back to them and say look to make this work I need the original agreement to happen. Otherwise if you all fall out it makes for an uncomfortable atmosphere and I'm sure they don't want that either. Sounds like the wife is more level headed so maybe pick a time she is home.
I agree with this. It might be you one day wanting to do things that inconvenience the neighbours, after all.
fourminutestosavetheworld · 14/10/2021 17:13

Regarding the scaffolding - is he making life easier for himself whilst inconveniencing you or is there literally no other way he could paint his wall? In which case, he asked you and waited until he thought you were out.

FangsForTheMemory · 14/10/2021 17:14

I think he's a cheeky bugger. IF he couldn't avoid putting you out as much as he has, flowers, chocolates, apologies and politely asking for what he would like would be the way to go. You didn't owe him any favours to begin with, let alone after he's been taking the piss for weeks. I think you should block off your drive and say 'sorry but no' to any workmen who knock on your door wanting to park there.

SentDeliveredRead · 14/10/2021 17:14

@AdobeWanKenobi

Erm, then dismantle it?

Tricky. It's not my scaffolding and I don't know where OP lives 😉

If it is this stuff though i'd be dragging it off my drive if I were in OP's position.

The OP should dismantle/remove it if it was tower scaffolding, did that really need explaining Jesus...
Mymapuddlington · 14/10/2021 17:21

We have someone opposite who is doing building works. It’s driving me frigging mad. It’s noisy, messy, our tiny country lane is a dead end street, cars can’t get in or out because of the lorry’s and building materials. It’s been going on months every bloody day. Ultimately though there’s nothing I can do about it.
I think it’s neighbourly to say they can use your driveway to do something - I had to use my neighbours driveway to fix my boiler and my roof. But to be parking over your drive and using your land without permission isn’t right.

Can you knock on the door and say you know he’s having work done but you need access in and out of your drive at all times. You also will be keeping your car on your drive as stated by your insurance. You expect him to take measures to make sure your car doesn’t get damaged as it’s his responsibility to do so. Unfortunately you’re no longer willing to let him use your driveway to gain access as he has been using it without permission.
Can he also let the trademen know they cannot park in front of your drive or they will be towed.

scoobydoo1971 · 14/10/2021 17:30

Tell him your house insurance will not permit coverage of others works, property or public liability. This is not a lie, and if anything happened to persons arising from anything on your land...say the scaffold failed...you would be at risk of a claim as a property owner. This is not something I would enter into tbh.

Waspsarearseholes · 14/10/2021 17:37

Ooh this would really annoy me. Not so much requests for access or favours but his attitude towards it - as though you're supposed to be delighted that he's telling you that he needs you to put yourself out for him. He sounds thoroughly obnoxious. I think asking for a chat is really the only way forward. Ask what insurance he has for using your land for his projects and what he is going to do in the case of any damage. Keep it 'professional' rather than friendly. If he, for example, drops a tin of paint over your drive, what is he going to do about it? Get it in writing from him. Something tells me that if anything does happen he will just act in the way he has so far - by being rude and making it your problem to solve. If he wants/needs you to agree to all this it should be with as little disruption and inconvenience to you as possible. I think he feels it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission and is just hoping that if he styles it out/acts self-important enough that you will start questioning yourself and your rights. He sounds like he could end up being a bigger twat than he already has so get something prepared that you want to say/insist on and don't let him budge you.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 14/10/2021 17:44

Fucker should clearly park on the main road so there's room for you on your street when he's using your drive.
He isn't neighbourly, how the fuck is it remotely neighbourly to take take take from your neighbours and never give? Giving her a tenner was shit as well, that's another job for OP to do, go and get it cleaned. They should have fucking done it themselves. Fuckers.

Abitofalark · 15/10/2021 20:54

People where I live have been doing extensions and what have you for the last 25 years and I am currently suffering hell from the noise, disruption and intrusion from one going on across the street - if only they'd stay across the street. So I have every sympathy.

But I agree with billy above. I can't understand why this man is dictating to you the use by him of your drive or why you seem to go along with an assumption that he has some kind of right to put up scaffolding or paint anything on from your drive.

If he wanted to do so, he should be coming to you cap in hand asking very very nicely if you would do him a favour in allowing access for scaffolding or painting or anything. And you have the right to say No if you want to. Alternatively you lay down your conditions of any such favour you might decide to grant. For instance, you could charge him so much per day - make sure it's paid in advance, no ifs or buts - and insist on when he can do it and limit how many hours or days your permission covers, and that he move his car so that you can park at his, and make good any damage or staining and remove debris etc, etc.

I would just add that you should check your documents to see if there are any legal covenants or mutual rights or obligations concerning neighbours that you signed up to when you bought your property. Just in case there is something that might have a bearing on parking or other arrangements.

billy1966 · 15/10/2021 21:14

@Abitofalark

I like my neighbours and don't have run ins at all. They are nice, quiet people.
As am I.

But to put up scaffolding on MY property and tell me what to do??

I actually can't get my head around such passivity.

He's a CF and I can't believe that he's been allowed to get away with it so much for so long.

Have you thought of contacting your house insurance for advice?

Neighbours have erected scaffolding that could damage our property.
Neighbours using OUR driveway for works etc.
What should we do??

Get advice from your insurance.
Flowers

Hawkins001 · 15/10/2021 21:30

@AutumnIsTheBest

New neighbours moved in about 3 months ago. They are not direct neighbours but the side of their house and half of their garden fence adjoins our drive and garage. We live in a small cul de sac (we’re at the end of it).

Anyway from moving in, they’ve caused issues as they seem to be gutting the house and doing up the outside of it and the garden, blocking the road with lorries and vans. The road is extremely narrow with a bend into the cul de sac with a few parking spaces at the top. Neighbours drive has been full of building materials for weeks so they are taking two of those spaces for their cars and also parking vans directly in front of their house in the tiny front garden area over spilling into the narrow road making it difficult to get round. Lots of noise, banging and loud bass from playing the radio in the garden full volume.

I have been asked by neighbour a few times to not park on my drive as he wanted to put scaffolding on the side of his house so on my drive. So had to park much further down the road a few times. Fair enough.

A few weeks ago he had a massive lorry delivering sand totally blocking the road. It was lucky I came out before they started offloading it as going to get DC from school or I wouldn’t have been able to get out at all for about 30 mins. Neighbour didn’t knock and say road is going to be blocked. When I said I need to get out the driver harrumphed. Neighbour didn’t say anything.

Neighbour also used a pressure washer to do his garden and covered the side of our car in mud as it came through the fence. He did apologise and his wife wrote a sickly note about not trying upset us, trying to be neighbourly and looking forward to being a part of the communityHmm with a tenner to wash the car which we gave back. They said they expected works to be completed in December!

Anyway, a few weeks ago neighbour said he wanted to paint the fence adjoining our drive and also sand the side of his house, so could we park elsewhere. He made the point that he didn’t want to damage my car, obviously as a thinly veiled threat. I said let me know in advance. Never heard anything until this morning when I was reversing in from school run and he’d already put a sheet down on my drive ready to paint the fence. He came over and said he wanted to do the work today as weather good. I said OK, how long for. He said all day. So I had to drive out and park on the main road as his cars are blocking the top of our cul de sac. I mean he could have moved one of his cars onto the main road so I could park there knowing he was blocking my drive right?

Been out again and did some shopping on the way back, so having to carry heavy bags down the road, he’s finished painting the fence but has put scaffolding up on the side on the house on my drive, he’s standing in it. I say how much longer are you going to be? He says a few more hours but it’ll take a another few days as I want to paint the side of the house.

I say ‘Really’? He then says ‘look it is really putting you out parking down the road?’ I say yes it bloody well is! We also had just got a new car and I don’t want it on the main road. He then says I’m trying to be neighbourly but i won’t ask you again, I’ll just do what I need to do! I say well as long as you’re not blocking my drive, the road or cause any damage to my car then and asked him who the hell he thinks he is.

AIBU? This has gone on for months now. The twat doesn’t care about the impact he’s having on us. This was a very quiet cul de sac and now looks like a building site. He never approached us when he first moved in to mention what he was going to do.

He seems to think because he wants to do stuff to the side of his house, he has a right to use our drive to do it on!

is it not better to let them complete the required tasks and then hopefully peace is restored ?
LookItsMeAgain · 17/10/2021 10:04

Did you get him to remove his scaffolding that he never asked permission to be put on your driveway off your driveway?

He is an entitled arse.

Kisskiss · 17/10/2021 13:22

He’s entitled to do work on his house, as long as the noise is within hours accepted by your council.. BUT him using your drive is purely with your permission and u can tell him to go take a hike if he doesn’t ask you nicely next time!!!! And if he damaged your car then he’s going to have to pay to fix it. What a d!ckh3ad 🙄

LaBellina · 17/10/2021 13:46

You’ve been very tolerant.
If someone told me that they were going to use my drive and I had to park somewhere else instead of asking me nicely, I would have told them it doesn’t work that way and they get no access whatsoever. Entitled twat.

Murdoch1949 · 17/10/2021 16:05

Bloody hate neighbours. They are not friends, just people who've bought nearby. This guy is a total knob, just heave a sigh of relief he's not your partner. Only allow him onto your property for things you legally must allow him on. There is an end in sight to the work he's doing, praise the lord, but fools like him keep coming up with new torture. I personally have as little to do with neighbours as possible. I greet them, take in parcels but that's it. They are not friends and decades of experience have taught me that some can be absolute idiots. My current neighbour shouted at my young granddaughter for stepping for 5 seconds on her front lawn, which just confirmed my long held beliefs.

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