To want to stop doing Christmas presents except for the kids?

[Draineddraineddrained]

I always end up spending way too much at Christmas as I have a large immediate family (2 sisters, each with husbands and 4/2 kids apiece, brother, parents). I have a partner and 2 kids.

I really don't have anything I want any more. My sisters and their husbands don't seem to either, my brother never buys me anything(!!), and my parents are loaded do anything they want they already have really.

Would I be cheeky to say to everyone this year I'm not doing gifts except for kids, and don't want any for me and DP, just the girls? Or does it seem mean?

It just feels daft all of us grown adults scrabbling around trying to either guess what the others might like, or think of something to ask for, when we all have our own money and in some cases it's just stupid (e.g. me giving my parents a £100 voucher to go towards the visits they regularly make to a spa, £100 that I can't really afford but to them is chicken feed and they'd go anyway)?

However I realise in this my household would get benefit (presents for the girls) while my parents and brother would get nothing back because they don't have kids? I certainly don't want to deprive my kids of gifts from their relatives, as they very rarely see them so it's nice for them to feel "loved" in that format.

YABU - just buy the bloody presents
YANBU - this is a totally reasonable request

Just send a text today saying you are not buying adult gifts this year so don't expect any. End of. No need to buy family gifts or suggest adult secret Santa. You want to stop, not engage in further buying.

One side we do presents for everyone but for adults it is always goats. Been doing this for about 20 years thank heavens.

Yanbu if you announce it asap so people don't end up buying for you.
Warning, you might have to get through these Christmas. There are crazies like me who already have most presents

Absolutely understandable to stop if it is financial burden.

Once I had my son I explained that I couldn't afford xmas presents for everybody. I make sure to get a really nice card though :)

We do a secret Santa for the adults on my side of the family. There’s 8 of us, so covers my mum, dad, siblings and their partners. £50 limit, which is still much less than I’d spend buying small individual gifts for each family member. Plus the higher budget means you actually get something you want and not just a shower gel set or something.

Tried to start this with my in-laws but they wouldn’t have it. MIL said “children need to know that Christmas isn’t all about them” wherever the fuck that means. Have left presents for that side of the family up to DH as it’s so tedious.

DappledThings I've got visions of all your adult relatives' gardens filled with goats accumulated over the last few Christmasses, chewing the cud and keeping their gardens tidy.

We did this a few years ago. I have five brothers, all of whom have partners and some of whom have kids, and DH has several nieces and nephews too. Gifts for the kids alone cost hundreds, even on a budget. We also have half a dozen birthdays between mid December and New Year. (I tend to prioritise people's birthdays over Christmas when it comes to gifts, don't ask me why.)

So now, for all the adults, we agree -- no gifts from us, no gifts to us. What we do is donate an amount to a charity we support. If anyone wants to add to the donation, they can do. (In my experience some do and some don't do this and it's fine either way.)

It seems to work OK. No one misses the gifts really and the admin is so much simpler. Which means DH and I can put more thought into the kids' gifts. Plus a charity gets a donation of a few hundred quid at a difficult time of year.

It depends on your family. I'm childfree so if we did children only then I'd be buying loads and getting sod all. I enjoy both giving AND receiving. And I love Christmas, even as an adult.

I know that these views are totally frowned upon on Mumsnet and I will probably be banned now.

@Squirrelblanket

It depends on your family. I'm childfree so if we did children only then I'd be buying loads and getting sod all. I enjoy both giving AND receiving. And I love Christmas, even as an adult.

I know that these views are totally frowned upon on Mumsnet and I will probably be banned now.

In a same boat 😁

We have 5 siblings, 2 mums, 5 neices/nephews, 4 grand neice/nephews 2 dc and each other. Its ridiculous.

The no gifts thing is really harsh on people who have no DC but do have tons of nieces and nephews, unless the parents specify no obligation to buy for kids either.
It's horrible that Christmas has become so stressful for people - I think it would be better of gift giving in general was phased out or it was the norm to just do token gifts

My mum and ai at did this years ago. As many kids starting popping up they decided to buy fit kids only. Works for them.

I absolutely love Christmas and enjoy celebrating it, all the more now we no longer buy presents for adults. It frees up do much mental space for holly and ivy, carols, lights, roasting chestnuts, spending time with people, movies and chocolate.

The adults in my family do secret santa with a £10 budget. We like to go for funny novelty gifts and we open them all together.

One year we chose to buy something amusing and it worked out that we had two presents each. Every present was put in a box and the box was passed around for us to grab one. It was really funny and I actually still have one of my things (a sign saying 'welcome to the nut house' which was from poundland!).

We also set a budget of £10 per child in the family. I have the most children (3) and my sister only has 1, so I find cheaper things for her to buy as I don't want her to feel like she has to spend £30 on them.

I always try to do this because I find receiving really hard - but haven’t found a way yet.
Really small family: me, DP, DB with no kids or partner, adult DS no kids or girlfriend

We’re all different: I don’t want a gift, DP doesn’t mind.
DS wants gifts and likes buying them, also I like to buy something for him

DB says he’s ambivalent but I think really does like a gift

Last year we agreed to buy each other nice consumables and something from a Charity shop; that way we had something to open and could redonate it if we wanted, and had donated to charity.

If we are together I find it weird when somebody is opening a gift and others not.

Send a message to all, stating no presents for grown ups from.this year, you'd rather meet up for a beer / meal.etc.

I think kids only, if you have kids, is fine but I always feel bad when those adults without children buy for my children. I think it's mean spirited not to get them a little something to open.

Families kids only just kids but a limit on the kids 15-20 quid (depending on budget) plus selection box. Your Mum and Dad token gift from the grandchildren such as nice book each, some gourmet food, gingerbread gin from Mark's or something related to a hobby or a pet.

You say your brother doesn't buy for you but if he does buy for the children and doesn't have his own, then again a token gift as above from his nieces and nephews. If he doesn't buy for the children then you can stop.

I always used to find this mentality a bit tiresome, particularly when it came from the kind of people who clearly only think Christmas and other fun things are "for kids". I think it's nice for adults to have nice things too.

However, since having a DC and there being load of nephews and nieces in the family, I've realised that it's just really impractical and too much financially to buy for everyone. It adds up to so much.

So I do think it's ok to do this, but one thing I wouldn't do is say "let's just buy for the kids", as that's essentially saying to the people without kids that you expect them to buy for you but won't be buying anything for them. I think you have to accept the possibility that they might not get anything for the kids and just say "we're not doing adult presents this year as we're on a budget". They may choose to buy for the kids anyway, but leave it to them.

OMG no - liberate yourself.

I stopped a few years ago, after spending way too much one Christmas - including getting sucked into multiple different secret santas that, combined, cost me hundreds.

My sister was super relieved, and I think my parents and grandma were too. It's the best thing ever.

Totally reasonable - I bet you'll find everyone else thinks so too. I stopped doing presents with brothers, sisters in law etc a few years ago and they jumped at the idea! It can just be a big waste of money.

We stopped exchanging gifts between adults (well, adult siblings) a few years ago. We buy for my mum, DP's parents and one of his sisters, who has no children and is exceptionally generous to all her nieces and nephews. I think everyone was relieved to be honest, except my brother who seems to like choosing gifts even though he's crap at it, bless him! DP's aunt gave us a gift one year and it turned out she had received it from MIL the year before. We weren't in the least bit offended - in fact we found it funny because we couldn't blame her for wanting to offload it.

It is ridiculous the amount that is spent on Xmas. I have scaled back hugely. It is tricky though as even when you agree no presents you then get people sending chocolates and wine so you feel obliged to do the same! I want to just shout please stop sending gifts! However, I would then look like a miserly loon. This year, more than ever, I need to be more forceful, we just can't afford it.

Dh and I only buy for our dc, we don’t even buy gifts for each other. I can buy myself whatever I like whenever I like l, and so can he so Christmas presents for each other is not something we bother with. It cuts the Christmas spend considerably.