AIBU to ask how on Earth you plan a wedding?!

[Buggritbuggrit]

It’s clearly straightforward and everyone seems to have managed it brilliantly (I’ve been to so many lovely weddings)! But we have no idea where to start and the prospect of what appears to be akin to planning a military operation - it’s very daunting!

How did everyone do it?!

What kind of wedding do you want?

Usually starts with budget, numbers, venue, theme! Then think about dress, bridesmaids, food music flowers and decorations.

Quickly! Circumstances meant that we booked it for 2 weeks later. Honestly I think it was better that way, for us anyway, as there was no time to stress over the little details. We only had close family there though.

Decide what sort of wedding you want. Relaxed, casual, low key, or something a bit grander? Destination or home? Destination wedding will probably be much cheaper but not for your guests so lots of dropouts are possible. I would say the first thing is probably budget (even if its just a ballpark figure) and venue then you can work the rest around that

@semideponent We genuinely have no idea. I know I sound like an idiot, but anything from a family only affair to a massive party sounds delightful to me! We know we don’t want a church wedding, but that’s pretty much it.

@Karwomannghia and @WhoWearsShortShorts Very sensible. Thank you!

@TheShades Goodness! That’s impressive!

1. Work out your budget
2. Decide what type of venue & how many guests
3. Book venue & registra
4. Book key supplies- photographer, caterer, hair & makeup
5. Send save the dates
6. Buy dress
7. Book everything else

There’s some great guides out there 😊

We asked the busiest member of the family when she was free, and went for that date!! Then found a venue we liked.

My husband basically planned ours, I'm sure there was a spreadsheet involved we picked the venue and the date and he did everything else just told me who to phone/ what to do and when. And I bought my dress obviously. Not very helpful sorry but I'm glad he did it

Find out when all the ESSENTIAL people are free

Find out availability of essential venues and people (don't forget registrars have to be booked etc)

Everything else planned around that according to your budget

Bridebook App is brilliant,

We decided to get married in the March and had it all sorted for the May that year. It depends on how complicated you want to make it! We checked when parents were free then booked a venue. All very simple.

Another stupid question, but what would you consider a ‘reasonable’ wedding budget? I recently discovered that a close relative’s very low key wedding cost them in excess of £30K and I was a bit taken aback. I just can’t see how that was even possible, but have been assured that costs sneak up.

We haven’t worked out a budget, but don’t intend to spend anywhere near that much. Which hopefully doesn’t mean we end up marrying in a tin can.

So start there.

1. not a church wedding so home ir abroad?
2. decide on the size of the wedding. Use budget/location/covid/hated relatives to help you decide.
3. Is it formal sit down master of ceremonies receiving line designated seating or is it afternoon tea, buffet, burger van people sit where they choose.
4. music? Band, harpist? Cheesy DJ? Your own play list on Alexa?
5. Wedding day & separate Evening do or just an afternoon affair so you you can spend the evening together? Or an all day bash?
6. posh cars or the bus?
7. big cake or a macaroon tower?
8. professional photographer or just pics gathered from guests?

Just look at the options and decide what you would prefer.

Budget, guest numbers and potential date.
Ring around some hotels and see if they do a package deal and get a price list, once you've got a basic price you can add extras if required or Google wedding ideas, make your own table decorations, place cards, check out eBay etc.
Remember that a photographer or videographer bumps the price up.
Also if you get married in a hotel you have to book and pay for the registrar

@Heartofglass12345

My husband basically planned ours, I'm sure there was a spreadsheet involved we picked the venue and the date and he did everything else just told me who to phone/ what to do and when. And I bought my dress obviously. Not very helpful sorry but I'm glad he did it

This sounds blissful! Much as mine loves a spreadsheet, I don’t think I’d get away with this!

Separately write out a guest list of everyone you would like to invite.
Then decide on budget and dates.
Then look at what is available with your budget on the dates you would like with the numbers your combined guest list gives you.
Think of your particular guests when you look at venues i.e do you need wheelchair access, will the age range skew heavily to young people who will happily stand and dance the night away or older people who need seats and a short walk to a bathroom.
Do you need a central location as a lot of people are travelling or do you live near the majority of your guests?
When picking a venue think of the budget your guests who need to travel/pay for accomodation will have I.e. don't book a hotel that's £300 a night with no nearby cheaper accomodation if your guests are on an average income.
This will make your decisions for you.
Hope you have a lovely day!

@stokiemum62 Oooh, an app! Excellent. I like an app. Thank you!

Scratch that question then. What kind of marriage do you want?

Budget #1 - this will determine what type of wedding you can have and how many people you can invite.

Once you have your budget think top of funnel, what type of wedding (ceremony and reception) do you want? Beach, church, etc. Then start looking at venues, I suggest to limit to 3 choices.

Then start thinking about your numbers, this will really help define the venue(s) once you get quotes, compare against your budget.

Once you have your venue(s), the fun starts! You get to refine your invite list, choose food/drink, etc.

There are some excellent wedding apps which are really cheap to buy and are very helpful in a run down of what to do and how your spend is going against the budget.

I'm an excel nerd, so I built my own, but friends have bought wedding apps for a couple of dollars with no regrets.

My only other advice is don't look at too many options! I had a rule of 3 (maximum of looking at 3 florists, 3 food options, etc) so it didn't become overwhelming.

Have fun!

Got engaged end of July and married mid September.

1. budget
2. venue (church and gardens for us)
3. invitations
4. food and drink
5. entertainment
6. photographer
7. dress and clothes

No guest ever remembers whether the shade of the napkins matched the bridesmaids hair tie or not. They remember if there was enough drink, food, if they were warm enough and if the music was any good.
My advice is don’t take it too seriously or hard. We booked a lamb roast, we had a local caterer make salads and puddings, we bought two barrels of local ale, and drove to France for a wine run.

I often quote this, but I knew someone, 20 years ago, who got married for under £150. New frock for her, registrar's fee, two 9ct gold rings and drinks in the pub afterwards. You don't have to spend a lot and you don't have to give yourselves a lot of hassle.

We got married for £2 and a half k. Nice location with a hotel stay, registry office, some lovely photos with a brilliant photographer who we hired for only 2 hours (which saves a fortune!) then off for a really nice 3 course meal in a restaurant. Done and dusted before 7pm!! It was incredibly simple and far from traditional but that's exactly how we wanted it. 18 people in total.

@semideponent

Scratch that question then. What kind of marriage do you want?

A nice one? Essentially, my current relationship, but with people really ramping up on the ‘when are you having a baby?’ interrogations?

It’s possible I misunderstood the question!