To cancel therapist

[CeceJoyce]

My dd had an introductory session with a therapist on Saturday. She was warm and friendly and seems to understand my daughters issue well but has a very heavy accent. At times I couldn’t understand what she was saying and my dd is so shy that she is unlikely to ask her to repeat things.
She asked my dd in the session (after I’d left the room) if she’d like to carry on therapy and my daughter said yes. I wasn’t happy she asked her in the session as I don’t suppose many teens would feel comfortable saying ‘no I don’t want to continue’. Anyway I thanked her for her time and said that i would speak to dd at home and let her know. Dd said she really liked her and didn’t think the accent would be an issue. But today my dd is worried and admitted that several times she didn’t know what the therapist was saying. I told her she can’t really have therapy if she doesn’t understand what the therapist is saying to her.
How can I contact the therapist to now say we don’t want the sessions without offending her? Do I make up an excuse of some kind? I’ve already said yes via e-nail. Is it unreasonable to say my dd has changed her mind? You’re supposed to give 24 hours notice to cancel an appointment but she actually needs to go for a covid test tonight and I couldn’t guarantee the results will come through before the appointment tomorrow.

I think that's totally fair enough OP. Wishing you both luck

@CeceJoyce

Right so just to be clear. We sat in the session together for 20 minutes. Then my dd had around 30 minutes on her own. The therapist shouldn’t have asked her if she wanted to continue in the session as it’s very hard to say no. So I said we’d chat when we got home. When we left I asked her how was it? I did not say anything negative about her accent. She said she’s nice, I said do you want to carry on. My daughter said yes. The only reason I mentioned her accent at all was because when I was in the room my daughter looked to me twice to tell her what the therapist had just said (I asked her to repeat the question). My daughter then came to my today and admitted she found it hard to understand her, I asked why she didn’t tell me she felt that way sooner or why she said yes and she said she worried we wouldn’t find another therapist. I actually thought the therapist was lovely, a really nice woman which I shared with dd. But therapy is a big deal. I think communication is vital.

We’ve just been for a pcr test this evening as she has symptomatic so I’m not sure we’d get the results before the appt so I’d have to cancel anyway. I can prove it if they need it.

Also it’s not like I don’t like the therapist because she has an accent or had some kind of negative reaction to her accent. But if you pay £100 for 50 minutes and it doesn’t flow as you keep stopping to ask what she said then it’s going to possibly be wasted time.
Thank you all for your replies.

I'm a therapist. I would give your DD's initial response to you (that she was happy) the benefit of the doubt and stick it out for three sessions in total, and then make a decision.

There are many apparently very good reasons to stop therapy that end up not being quite what they seem, which is why it's better to err on the side of caution, particularly as it is you, and not your daughter, who initiated the doubt.

@WhatMattersMost
it is not me that initiated the doubt! My dd didn’t feel comfortable in the session but worried we wouldn’t find anyone else. I have not pushed my feelings onto dd. We were all set to go to tomorrow’s appt (before the pcr test she had just now) but she came to me tonight and said she couldn’t understand her and she’s worried the sessions will be hard.

Its common practice for a therapist to ask if their client wishes to continue in the first session.

I do wonder if you've put it into your daughters head that the therapist having an accent is a big deal? At £100 a session, she must be pretty good.
I think honesty is the best policy. Send it in an email.

Totally fair enough, just email your apologise and thank her for her time. £100 is an eye watering amount.

Would it help to think of it as a communication issue rather than one related to any kind of ethnicity? As that's what it is.

It's fine, don't overthink it.

P.S I'm a children's psychotherapist.

@everyoneknowsitall

Totally fair enough, just email your apologise and thank her for her time. £100 is an eye watering amount.

Would it help to think of it as a communication issue rather than one related to any kind of ethnicity? As that's what it is.

It's fine, don't overthink it.

P.S I'm a children's psychotherapist.

Out of interest what would you say the going rate is? For adult therapy around here I know people pay £60-120 depending on what exactly they are going to be getting.

Depends whereabouts in the country you are Matilda. I can only assume OP is in London with those prices. I'm in SE and average is about £40-£50 per hour amongst those with the same level of training as me (we all have Masters degrees).

@everyoneknowsitall

Depends whereabouts in the country you are Matilda. I can only assume OP is in London with those prices. I'm in SE and average is about £40-£50 per hour amongst those with the same level of training as me (we all have Masters degrees).

We are in the Home Counties. I know others who have paid £100 an hour or more. My brother spent three years seeing a therapist, which was the best decision he has ever made, the therapist normally charged £90-120 ph depending on the actual sessions, but that was usually on a short term basis. The therapist actually reduced his hourly rate to £50 ph when he realised my brother was not just going to come for a few weeks which I thought was amazing really as he could have easily filled his time with higher paying patients and my brother would have paid regardless (my brother has the kind of income that the cost was irrelevant and would have paid at the higher rate regardless).

I used to be somewhat sceptical about therapy as most people I know had only done 4-8 sessions, but seeing my brother change over those three years was amazing, all his issues fade away, his self belief grow and he is an even more amazing person than he was before. The thing I think that should change is that the term term therapist should be restricted to those who are professionally qualified and certified like you and my brother's therapist.

I personally wouldn't pay £100 per hour for therapy outside of London and I'd certainly never charge it because I'd hate to only be able to work with clients who could afford that price.

Running a therapy practice is expensive, though, so I understand why others do.

Glad your brother had a good experience :)

£100 for 50 minutes?? Good God.

OP, if you've got doubts, just change to another therapist. When I had therapy I was told that various things have to align for it to work. It has to be the right time for you but it also has to be with the right therapist for you. The therapeutic relationship is key. It's an MN cliche that you can dump someone for whatever reason. So you can change therapist for whatever reason.

If you then find it's really difficult to get anyone else as nice, you could reconsider and go back to this one. Your daughter could practise listening to similar accents before so she becomes familiar with them.

I’m a clinical psychologist and I think you can give whatever reason you like for discontinuing therapy. Like others have said, I can’t imagine the therapist will be offended. Direct communication is key. Although I currently work with someone who has a strong accent online. We have built a really strong relationship.

With regard to the fee, it really depends on her qualifications. As a Clinical Psychologist £100 a session is pretty standard and people often substitute the title Clinical Psychologist with therapist because it can be confusing for people to know the difference.