Should nursery tell me if DS is hurt by another child?

[Stufio]

DS is 4 and goes to a good nursery that he really likes. If he hurts himself (scrapes and cuts etc) they always tell me about it. Likewise, if the staff ever need to speak to him about his behaviour (not listening etc) they tell me, which is good because I want to know if he's not behaving.

But they never tell me if he's the 'victim.' Three times he has come home and told me he's been hit or kicked by another child and I've not been told. On one occasion nail marks were left on his arm. Twice I've gone back to the staff and they've confirmed it did happen and the other child was spoken to.

It's not that I want to know what was said to the other child but AIBU to want to know that there's been an incident? Should I just be accepting that these things happen in a busy nursery and that the staff can't be expected to tell every parent about every incident? Prepared to be told that IABU but the third incident was today and he told me he'd been upset at the time so I'm debating whether to raise it with the staff or just leave it.

Ooh, we'd get a 'bump' note. Any kind of injury, no matter the cause gets a note.

Not a nursery worker, just a parent..

If there's an injury then yes they log and report it to the parent.

If it's behavioral then no they don't log it, they should manage it in line with whatever policies they have?

@JuneOsborne

Ooh, we'd get a 'bump' note. Any kind of injury, no matter the cause gets a note.

Yes they did apologise for not doing an accident report for the nail marks.

If anything happens to him at all from anyone we get told and have to sign a form. Even if I take him in with a bruise it has to be logged before he can stay.

Should I just be accepting that these things happen in a busy nursery and that the staff can't be expected to tell every parent about every incident?

I think you should, yes. I'd expect to be told about any serious fights or injuries caused by another child, but it sounds like they are dealing with the smaller ones as they happen.

If it's caused an injury then yes you should be told as per normal accident form. Our nursery will tell us but anonymise it very carefully (and then my child will loudly announce to the queue of waiting parents 'Eddie bit me!' ). But if no injury then no I wouldn't expect to be told.

The nail mark should have been properly logged and a form for you to sign.
If it was just pushing or hitting and no marks then perhaps not, although we used to tell parents even if it was something minor.

Any physical mark or injury should be reported to you, but not the name of the child who did it. Eg X child pushed your child into wall and he has a bruise. X child was spoken to.

I’d certainly have expected an accident form. Carefully anonymised of course - I remember a time my twins had clearly had an altercation each other, but you’d never have know from the individual forms.

Have you ever spent any time in a nursery?
Sometimes it’s just utter carnage

I remember a time my twins had clearly had an altercation each other, but you’d never have know from the individual forms.

That’s quite funny 😆

@insancerre

Have you ever spent any time in a nursery? Sometimes it’s just utter carnage

I don't doubt that, hence why I asked if IWBU!

I would want to know.
If you speak up and say that you need to be informed, it might make them more alert and aware of what is going on there.

I would want to know about any incidents. If something has happened and caused the child to be upset, parents should be told so they can support their child if it is mentioned again

In reality, there is a busy nursery and lots going on. Nursery children get upset easily and then move on quickly (lots of times each day across a busy nursery), and staff realistically can't inform parents of every element. Sometimes a very very minor incident can be very upsetting for a child but they happen frequently.
BUT where there are marks or injuries/risk of real injury (ie the first aider has checked them out) the parent should be informed. YANBU.

I work in a nursery, if another child has left a mark on a child we will write an incident report for both children. However if he's been kicked or hit and no mark then no we won't say to the 'victims' parents.

@RaginaPhalange

I work in a nursery, if another child has left a mark on a child we will write an incident report for both children. However if he's been kicked or hit and no mark then no we won't say to the 'victims' parents.

Same at my work.

There is no way you can possibly know or remember everything that’s happened with each child. We have 30 children each session.

If they didn’t know it had happened, that’s fair enough. But they did, so should’ve logged it and informed you.

@ThreeFeetTall

If it's caused an injury then yes you should be told as per normal accident form. Our nursery will tell us but anonymise it very carefully (and then my child will loudly announce to the queue of waiting parents 'Eddie bit me!' ). But if no injury then no I wouldn't expect to be told.

Oh God - I remember that!

Nursery worker:- I’m afraid Lizzie was hit today by one of the other children. We can’t tell you who it is obviously
Dd:- It was Jack! He hit Amy too! And yesterday he hit George. And Thomas. He is very naughty! He had to sit on his bottom!

All said at top volume. With Jack’s mum standing behind me. Not sure which of us cringed more.

@Mumoftwoinprimary I worked in preschool as part of my degree placement. Very awkward when both parents appear to collect at the same time and you have to say to the first “I’m afraid Timmy bit somebody today” and to the second “I’m afraid Tommy was bitten by somebody today” 😂

Thanks everyone. I'll just leave it. I'm happy DS at least told us what had happened and we were able to reinforce that he should tell someone if something like that happens again.

I would still speak to nursery. I’ve only just moved from nursery to childminding but if I heard from a parent that these incidents were happening I’d be reinforcing during circle times that the grown ups in nursery are there to listen and help and you can tell us when you’re hurt, and role play how to react if someone hurts you. Maybe with a loud “stop!”