AIBU to think friend has no right to judge mutual friend given her past

Learningtobeafeministagain · 13/10/2021 17:50

Drink driving and marrying someone for financial security & hoping it will work out is not even in the same city

CornishTiger · 13/10/2021 17:51

Drink driving is worse IMO!

ChimChimeny · 13/10/2021 17:51

As pP said they aren't even comparable!

I'd judge a drink driver much more harshly than someone marrying for slightly dubious reasons

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 13/10/2021 17:52

I'd judge the fuck out of a drunk driver!
Tell her to wind her neck in.

sonjadog · 13/10/2021 17:54

Those two things are not comparable in any way.

bigbeatmanifesto · 13/10/2021 17:56

Drink driving is legally and morally wrong in every way and the friend is lucky she didn't kill someone or herself.
Marrying for financial security with added hope the marriage is a good one is just a bad choice imo.
Completely different leagues.

Monsterjam · 13/10/2021 17:58

She can’t have an opinion because she did something stupid in her past?

nordicnorth · 13/10/2021 18:01

I would judge both of them! It's not comparable really though. One is morally questionable while one is illegal.
You can support your friend through her divorce without having to 'approve' of her reasons for marrying in the first place though.
You can support your other friend in other areas of her life even if 5 years ago she committed a crime I presume she's paid for, as you say she was convicted. If she's carried on drink driving since then I would question why I was continuing a friendship with that kind of person though.

PurpleDaisies · 13/10/2021 18:04

If having an opinion is only allowed if you’ve got a spotless past, I don’t think any of us would get over that bar.

1FootInTheRave · 13/10/2021 18:05

Like comparing apples and oranges.

Both deserving of harsh judgement though.

QueenBee52 · 13/10/2021 18:07

DUI has a brass neck judging anybody WTF...

QueenBee52 · 13/10/2021 18:08

Friend has recently separated from her DH, she has confined in her close friends that she was unsure before marrying her DH but she went ahead with it because even if it didn’t work out her DH and his family is quite wealthy so she would benefit financially from that, my friend did however want her marriage to work.

No way 🤣😂🤣

yellowgingham · 13/10/2021 18:08

Well I'd probably judge both of them a bit tbh, but the drunk driving more harshly.

As a PP said though, none of us are perfect so even if I haven't done either of those things I expect I've done things others would judge me for...

Kanaloa · 13/10/2021 18:14

They aren’t really two comparable things. It’s like saying how can you judge me eating mayonnaise out of the jar when you once shoplifted. Just so random.

I would judge both of them but more so the drunk driver.

TerribleZebra · 13/10/2021 18:16

Wow - do you expect every opinion you express to be judged in light of the worst thing you have done?

Twinstudy · 13/10/2021 18:17

A friend of mine once said to me about drink driving 'well we've all done it'. Umm no I haven't! Even my driving instructor was quite blasé about drink driving. I think it's more common than a lot of people realise. Not excusing the drink driver but she maybe sees it as quite normal.

QueenBee52 · 13/10/2021 18:19

@Twinstudy

A friend of mine once said to me about drink driving 'well we've all done it'. Umm no I haven't! Even my driving instructor was quite blasé about drink driving. I think it's more common than a lot of people realise. Not excusing the drink driver but she maybe sees it as quite normal.

christ that's not good 😳

butterflyze · 13/10/2021 18:35

@Learningtobeafeministagain

Drink driving and marrying someone for financial security & hoping it will work out is not even in the same city

True. Only one of them has the potential to cause the death of innocent people.

KrisAkabusi · 13/10/2021 18:38

The two things have nothing to do with each other! And just because she once did something bad doesn't mean she can't judge somebody else for also doing something bad.

MakingM2 · 13/10/2021 18:38

YANBU

We all get married hoping it will work out.

LaetitiaASD · 13/10/2021 18:47

@Kanaloa

They aren’t really two comparable things. It’s like saying how can you judge me eating mayonnaise out of the jar when you once shoplifted. Just so random.

I would judge both of them but more so the drunk driver.

Agree, though I'm tempted to say that entering a marriage with doubts is pretty shady, and drink driving is perhaps not as clear cut as some might think.

3 times over the limit and crash on the motorway - absolute scum of the earth.

But what of someone who goes to a barbecue 3 minutes drive away. They have two glasses of wine then stop drinking to give themselves 4 hours to sober up fully before driving home down a series of very quiet residential streets with speed bumps all the way and no chance of getting about 15 mph. They get a call 10 mins into the four hours and their kid has just started throwing up blood. They jump in the car, drive home, get randomly stopped and turn out to be marginally over the limit.

Still wrong. Punishment still deserved. But nothing like the person on the motorway three times over the limit.

Yeah, I get you're either over or under, but sometimes a bit of nuance is there to..

LaetitiaASD · 13/10/2021 18:52

@Twinstudy

A friend of mine once said to me about drink driving 'well we've all done it'. Umm no I haven't! Even my driving instructor was quite blasé about drink driving. I think it's more common than a lot of people realise. Not excusing the drink driver but she maybe sees it as quite normal.

I think that many people have driven when they know they might be a touch over, but also genuinely believe that they are probably under. Also a lot of people drive the next morning after a late night (I once did that... very young, after driving 10 miles to work I walked into a lamp-post head first and fell over giggling. It was only at that point I realized I was still drunk).

I sincerely hope that anyone saying "we've all done it" is referring marginal cases or the next morning. I sincerely hope that the VAST majority of people would never in a million years consider drinking a bottle of wine and driving 20 miles home.

LaetitiaASD · 13/10/2021 18:56

@butterflyze "True. Only one of them has the potential to cause the death of innocent people."

To be fair people can get extremely emotional when marriages fall apart... and such emotion can boil over into violence... and I'd guess that such a thing is more likely to happen if the husband realises that his wife was pretty 50/50 on the whole marriage thing apart from the fact it came with a guarantee of financial security if / when the inevitable happened and it failed.

Twinstudy · 13/10/2021 19:00

I sincerely hope that anyone saying "we've all done it" is referring marginal cases or the next morning. I sincerely hope that the VAST majority of people would never in a million years consider drinking a bottle of wine and driving 20 miles home.

Possibly, but over the limit is over the limit and I actually don't think there's any excuse. I love a drink, probably more than the next person but I never drink anything at all and drive. I just sort alternative transport or don't drink. Anyway I'm possibly derailing here but it does kind of prove my point, we don't know how over the limit (marginal, next day, whatever) ops friend was so as seen it might be considered to some to be acceptable/excusable

lilmishap · 13/10/2021 19:03

You only know about your mate drink driving cause she was caught, perfectly possible the former bride has also driven under the influence and then what happens in terms of judgement permission allocation?

For safety's sake you'd best not have any judgey conversations with anyone ever as you just don't know what people are hiding.

Good god what a bitchy post