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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send invite even though the date clashes?

26 replies

CrankyFrankie · 13/10/2021 14:30

DC’s birthday party clashes with another person’s DC’s party. She got in first with the invite while I was still getting my act together. Can’t change the date sadly. WIBU to still invite the mutual friendship group, even though it clashes? Is it a snakey thing to do? How would I go about it, just add it to the group chat? She feels bad and I’m not sure what sending the invite would achieve really, just feeling disappointed that none of them will be coming!

OP posts:
Wannakisstheteacher · 13/10/2021 14:32

Unless it is at a different time I really, really wouldn’t 😱

refusetobeasheep · 13/10/2021 14:33

nope, that would be totally out of order

JumperandJacket · 13/10/2021 14:34

Oof, I don't think you can. Can you really not change the date?

idontlikealdi · 13/10/2021 14:35

Bad. Change the time if you can and you'll get 50/50

bettertimesarecomingnow · 13/10/2021 14:35

Do you know the mum? Could you have a joint party! How old are the kids?

Otherwise family party for you I think - has dc for friends from outside class?

Mumofsend · 13/10/2021 14:35

I wouldn't. If its the same friendship group just change the date to save not only the upset of no one coming but also missing out on a friend's party themselves and the awkward conflict.

Watchingyou2sleezes · 13/10/2021 14:35

Of course you can change the date. You can have the party at anytime

Crunchymum · 13/10/2021 14:36

You really, really cannot do that.

Is there no way people can attend both?

SoupDragon · 13/10/2021 14:36

You'd be putting the group in a very awkward position.

girlmom21 · 13/10/2021 14:37

That'd be really unfair on your DC, the other birthday child and all of their friends

pianolessons1 · 13/10/2021 14:38

You need to talk to her. I had similar but turned out the other child only invited a few and we both managed a small party. You can't just send out invites for the same date. Joint party would be the best.

3luckystars · 13/10/2021 14:38

I don’t think that’s fair.

You either have to change the date or have a joint party. You won’t just put her in an awkward position, but all the children too.
Thanks
You can have it another time, even in a few weeks but not at the same time, you are too late. Good luck.

Chickychoccyegg · 13/10/2021 14:39

No, you can't do that really, I'd change the date or time, and you'll know next year to get invites out fast

InTheLabyrinth · 13/10/2021 14:40

Are they both at the same time? Or would it be possible to attend both in one manic party day?
If you cant attend both parties, sorry, you need to change the date.

jackstini · 13/10/2021 14:40

Yes you would be totally unreasonable to do that - too late now

What are the 2 parties and are the times different enough?
If not, you need to change yours, cancel it &/or ask other Mum re joint party

3luckystars · 13/10/2021 14:41

Also, why would she feel bad?

Original poster
CrankyFrankie · 13/10/2021 14:41

Ok as suspected! Thanks all! The timing is exactly the same. We have booked entertainment for it and other non-movable (word?!) plans for the rest of the weekend. She had originally told us to hold a different date but then had issues with her entertainment. She did initially suggest something joint and when I tentatively took her up on the offer, she quickly backtracked! I’ll chalk it up to experience and get my act together earlier next time.

OP posts:
VitalsStable · 13/10/2021 14:41

That's sneaky.

If DD had an invitation from a classmate and accepted regardless of then receiving one from a closer friend she'd be going to the one she got first and accepted.

So it could be your child ending up with very few friends at the party, she may be very upset about this.

Biancadelrioisback · 13/10/2021 14:44

Yeah I'd either rearrange or speak to the other parents and see if a joint party would work.

A couple of my friends have talked about this recently as all our kids are just starting school so everyone is doing whole class parties and sometimes there is a party on the Saturday and then on the Sunday which is exhausting for little ones after a whole week at school. I'd much rather group together with another parent and do a joint party if they're younger.

Biancadelrioisback · 13/10/2021 14:44

Sorry just seen your update

Wheelerdeeler · 13/10/2021 14:45

change the date to another weekend

olivehater · 13/10/2021 14:47

Just do the weekend before or after.

starrynight87 · 13/10/2021 14:53

Eek, how awkward.

What did the other parent say?

UniBallEye · 13/10/2021 14:53

celebrate with your immediate family (cake etc) on the actual birthday and have the party another weekend that doesn't clash.

DD and a pal in primary school had their birthdays one day after the other, as in 11th and 12th and ewe used to have parties whenever they didn't clash, sometimes a week before, sometimes a week after etc

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/10/2021 14:56

Glad you’ve taken on board the advice.

I definitely think get in earlier next time! Or discuss with the particular mum now you know there’s potential for a clash.

Can you move your party to another weekend? Kids don’t normally mind having a family day on the day and the party later.