To worry about the coil?

[RedCarsGoFaster]

I've had one before but am due a new one next week. I asked for it after ten years of trying to get pregnant.

DH is infertile. I'm 40. We can't have kids. I can't get pregnant. I'm still grieving this.

Yes we've explored IVF, adoption, donor sperms etc, no none of it works for us for various very important and well investigated reasons.

I'm so sad about the coil though. It's like I'm admitting defeat. Objectively I know I won't get pregnant, but a little bit of me hopes every month.

The new coil is because I get dreadful heavy periods, the pain of them is getting worse, and I'm trying to see if the coil will help my migraines as well. No, I'm not perimenopausal apparently.

AIBU to still be so upset about never getting pregnant despite knowing it's impossible? This feels different somehow.

The coil normally isn't recommended for people with heavy periods - have you discussed this choice of contraception? Are you having a copper or hormonal coil?

I'm sorry about your trouble with getting pregnant. It's definately not unreasonable to be upset, take your time with it.

I had the Mirena coil sepcifically to deal with heavy periods (caused by fibroids - have yours been investigated?)

I bled daily for 4 months but a very light flow that was just spotting by the end. Much more managable then my usual heavy periods. I had about 12 months of occasional spotting until it came out due to my fibroids. I've had an embolisation and am not bleeding at all so far but if my periods return to normal I would have one again. I am not using it for contraception at all. My DP is infertile too.

I previously had the copper coil and bled very heavily with this - years before the fibroids.

Migraine wise, the pill was awful for causing these. I don't think the Mirena caused any more then my normal hormones do though I was warned they might increase.

Im in exactly the samevplace, having a coil fitted after over 10 years of trying, i thikk in some ways mentally it will help as even thoigh i know i cant get pregnant there is currently always a tiny what if in the back of my mind, its really hard to come to terms with the finality of it though

The coil is recommended for people with heavy periods - in fact its one of the most successful treatments for it (hormonal not copper).

I loved mine so much. went from being in pain 7-10 days a month to having a bit of slight spotting once every six months. i took it out a year ago to TTC and i have zero doubts about going back on it once i've completed my family. my husband is a cancer survivor and once he's off his meds he won't have sperm so its not about contraception. i just liked not having periods and my hormones were also calmer

Yes, it's the Mirena (hormonal). I had great results with my periods last time - barely any issues through my late 20s.

It's the finality of this. It's not for contraception, it's for period and hormone control.

I'm sorry others are in the same boat. I keep thinking I've come to peace with being childless, but then I sob like I have this morning (could also be because of my bastard period) and think what a mistake I'm making.

Hello there, I'm so sorry for your situation.

I too had "given up" on my fertility. We are a similar age. However, I have just caught pregnant (4 weeks) and I'm praying this one sticks.

My periods have always been ungodly. I actually used to think they were "normal". Many evenings I have spent standing in the shower just bleeding heavily into the water. And so painful.

Eventually, I met a nice doctor - a female one - who explained to me that it was not normal! She took my coil out and gave me some tablets which I think were called Tranexamic Acid. They reduce the bleeding and they genuinely work. They work so so much.

I use them coupled with a menstrual cup.

Of course you aren't being unreasonable OP, and I'm very sorry for your situation

Have you looked at fostering?

@FooFighter99 please don't.

[quote RedCarsGoFaster]@FooFighter99 please don't.[/quote]
Please don't what??

@FooFighter99 don't be a dick, that help?

OP YANBU at all, I'm so sorry you're going through this

@FooFighter99 have you any idea what people dealing with infertility have to put up with? Please don't ask if I've considered all the options, I've literally put in the OP that we've been through all the options so as to avoid all the bloody idiots saying "just adopt" or "have you looked at fostering" etc like you can pop to a supermarket and select a baby off the shelf. Have you tried to adopt a child? Tried to be approved for fostering? Have you grieved your own loss of children and then future you always believed you would have? Because trite comments like yours are hurtful, unnecessary and ignorant to say the least. There are frequent threads on what NOT to say to someone who can't have kids and you've just hit the jackpot. Please stop.

@foofighter99

The op has been trying to get pegnant for 10 years, did you really think she was so dumb fostering wouldnt have crossed her mind unless you helpfully pointed it out

The op is talking about grieving the fact she cant have a biological child, fostering is not the same thing so it irrelevant. Its like someone recently being diagnosed diabetic mourning they cant have cake and someone piping up 'have you considered carrots' (except you know way more emotive)

Fostering and adoption are open to everyone but only infertile people get assumed that they should do this

The op may have a fulfilling career, most foster carers cant work because of the demands of foster caring, if the op has trained for years for a career why should she give that up if she is infertile

Kids arent just handed out like sweets, not everyone is eligible to foster or adopt. The process is very stressful and someone who is grieving infertility may not be best placed mentally to cope

Or maybe you know, as said, just dont be a dick?

Everyone with fertility issues is aware of adoption and fostering, your comment is therefore unhelp and completely missing the point. So maybe next time just shut up and let someone else complete the infertility bingo card

(Adoption/fostering/just relax go on holiday/my friend had a baby after trying for years/you never know/have you tried homeopathy, acupuncture etc etc)

Sincerest apologies @RedCarsGoFaster, because you're right, I have no idea what it's like to have fertility issues.

My best friend of 30+ years went through IVF last year and it was bloody rough going but I can't even begin to relate because I haven't been through it.

I am sorry for being obtuse, it wasn't my intention.

Good luck with the coil, I hope it sorts out your heavy periods (I have the Mirena and it's a god-send) and make sure you take some paracetamol beforehand to lessen the discomfort