Lack of sex life - aibu

[Rennea325]

Both young, early twenties. Got pregnant last year and went completely off sex. We had relationship problems prior to all this happening and my libido was starting to falter.

Thought it would get better after baby is here but nope. Now not had a "proper/healthy" sex life for nearly going on two years. I dont mind it as I rarely am ever in the mood, but I am bothered by it. Because I think for such an early age we should both be wanting and having sex. Maybe that's just a projection of society I'm placing on myself because of course asexual/sexless couples exist and are perfectly happy.

It is normal? Aibu to think it isnt?

Yes I am bfing.
I rarely get in the mood but it usually happens once or twice when I'm nearing middle of my cycle. But then it just feels like I'm only having sex because I've got a instinctual drive and not because I actually want the intimacy with my partner.

Could be the feeding if you weren’t already going off it before being pregnant.

How’s the relationship outside the bedroom? Do you fancy each other? Do you hug, kiss, choose to sit next to each other? Hold hands? Have you ever talked about it between you? How’s he feeling? Are the issues you were having now resolved?

It’s always going to be hard getting back to it after months of not doing it, if that’s what you want.

You shouldn’t be having sex if you don’t want to but a sexless relationship isn’t for everyone so you need to talk, openly, honestly, listen, see where you’re both at.

It is a bit young to have gone off sex OP.

Like PP I think intimacy and playfulness outside the bedroom is really important to create the conditions for a good sex life. I actually don't have a high sex drive in general, but with my husband I do, even pregnancy hasn't put a dampener on things.

You've definitely got to talk about it, because one day someone might come along and wake up your sex drive and you'll realise it wasn't your low sex drive, it was your relationship!

Is your partner also not interested in sex?

You say your libido was starting to falter before you got pregnant. Do you still fancy him? Do you have any non-sexual intimacy?

How does he feel?

Are you on the pill ? That definitely affected my libido. It’s only when I came off it that I realised what a great sex life is.
Having a baby around also doesn’t help.
I think you need to spend time together and alone, have you got a baby sitter ? To see if you can rekindle it, or if it’s over.

@FoamBananas21

I think it bothered him at first but he said he has kind of just got used to us not doing anything. He was quite bad at initiating sex anyways so usually I'd I dont do anything we just end up doing nothing altogether. I feel bad, like I've dried out of his sex drive. But then he isnt particularly miserable about it and never am i

For being so young its more unusual, mine isn't good at all but that's for other reasons and I'm older. Have the relationship problems been resolved? Having a baby takes a huge toll , so can affect things.

To answer some questions, no I'm not on the pill. Yes we are still playful but I dont think we are as intimate as I'd like us to be. I can quite happily watch tv on the other end of the sofa. I don't need him to cuddle me in bed. We used to do that alot but since we co slept with dc and dc ends up in bed with us at some point during the night we dont anymore, it's just kind of phased out. We dont kiss - I dont like it. But we hug quite alot, and play around. But again I dont know if its enough for a young couple, then again we are in a long term relationship with a baby so it's hard to compare our dynamic with others our age that are childless

If it doesn’t bother either of you then there’s no problem. Many couples are very happy without sex or infrequent sex. However it’s still early days with the baby so it may become a problem later down the line. I’m think it’s important you both talk about it to make sure you’re both happy with things as they are.