Secondary school decision

[LittleMissGlum]

After some perspective as feeling a little lost at the moment.

Have come to the stage (with not a lot of time left) to apply for secondary schools for DS.

He's done well and passed 11+, initially we were set on this particular grammar, however as time went on and we've had the chance to explore other schools it seemed we found other ( non selective) schools that seemed to fit the bill too.

We were happy to choose one of the other schools as our first choice, until a few family members have openly expressed how ridiculous that would be

This decision wasn't made on our own, DS has openly expressed how much he liked the other school, and also (maybe this has swayed his choice too), he knows someone else from a sports club that will be going there too.

We haven't been able to see the grammar school in the same light (covid- unable to attend open day).

So AIBU to continue with our plan of applying for a space in other school?

YABU- he's worked hard and achieved the score so he should go to said school.

YANBU- as long as child is happy with school, they will flourish regardless of status.

Sorry for any typos, trying to multitask

Why are you bothered by what everyone else thinks?

Pick the right school for your child.
All depends on the schools involved though.
One thing I would look at with non grammar school.. Can they still stretch him... Most really can and will do, sometimes better than the grammar would. As he would likely be in with their brightest so push as that's where they get the best scores.. Where as he might just be midfield at grammar so perhaps not stretched.

Thank you,that's something to think about. Family is worried he needs a grammar to allow him to achieve his best, and I think it's left me feeling a little lost with my choice.

Pick the right school for your child. Lots of areas dont have grammar schools so all the kids go to regular comprehensive school. If he is intelligent he will be intelligent regardless of what building he sits in.

I don't live in a grammar school area so this isn't something I've had to think about. But I guess my worry would be that the grammar schools "cream off" the brightest kids, so that he would be left without many peers?

I do think it's important for a bright child to have other bright children in the class.

At a normal comprehensive there'll be a range of abilities and that's fine. But if all the bright kids have chosen the grammar school, I'd be worried about the top part of the range being missing iyswim?

Yanbu.

Family is worried he needs a grammar to allow him to achieve his best,

The vast majority of the country doesn’t have grammar schools! What do they think people do in those parts of the country? Continually fall on their arse?

No, send him to the school that’s right for him.

Don’t listen to anyone else. You as an immediate family have made the best decision for you, don’t let anyone else make you question that.

We were in the same position as you OP. Son passed 11+ but we chose to send him to the local comp with his friends. So pleased we made that decision, especially with lockdown where the long established friendships survived so much better. We were a bit worried he would be top of all classes and bored but this hasn’t been the case at all. Think a lot of people did the same as us. There is only 1 grammar in our area though so it doesn’t suck up all the brighter kids.

I think it depends what you're looking for. I'd say yes he might get (for example) 7s, 8s or even 9s in the grammar and maybe 6s and 7s in the other school, but it's school just about a GCSE grade? I'd look at things like whether it's a specialist college in anything (my younger DC school is performing arts and they both enjoy this!). My older DC school is more grammarish but I find the teaching less interesting/ engaging so how 'academic' is he? Ie. Does he enjoy learning for the sake of it? My younger DC is extremely clever but he also loves sports, drama etc and I feel he's getting a great all round education. He's also not the kid who will live Shakespeare but loved Willy Russell so this school is definitely better for him than his older brother's. It's a hard choice, but at least with 11+ I think he could transfer later as opposed to if he didn't have it at all.

Family were very supportive of our decision surprisingly as we are both from Kent and everyone in both families went to grammar school.

I wouldn’t pick a school without a visit personally, is a private one possible? Maybe try to arrange?
Good luck whatever the choice.

I don’t always think that only the brightest kids go to grammar schools. Some will be naturally clever of course but other parents will pay to have their child tutored to get them them through the exams.

You need to warn your son that secondaries are often very big compared to primaries so the chance it being in the same form never mind the same classes as his friend are going to be slim. (That's without other considerations like the friend might already have friends so the dynamic being different)

Why do you care what others think so much ? You need to do what's best for your son and you know him best

@TumtumTree

I don't live in a grammar school area so this isn't something I've had to think about. But I guess my worry would be that the grammar schools "cream off" the brightest kids, so that he would be left without many peers?

I do think it's important for a bright child to have other bright children in the class.

At a normal comprehensive there'll be a range of abilities and that's fine. But if all the bright kids have chosen the grammar school, I'd be worried about the top part of the range being missing iyswim?

This is a very good point, I do live in an area with a lot of grammars and it does cream off the brightest. As a result the comps are average at best. I went to a grammar school, and when we were looking around schools, as an 11yo I really like the comp! My parents aren't massively well educated so they didn't really know what they were looking for either. Anyway, they sent me to the grammar and thank heavens they did because now when I look at the comp - it was crap, they just put on a really good open day!!!

I would probably go for the grammar. If it doesn't work out then you may be able to get a place at the other school later if you go on the waiting list. Much harder the other way round.

I understand how daunting it is to pick a school you haven't seen though. I would contact the grammar school and see if you could take your son to look around. They might oblige.

I'm not sure you can fully experience any school just by looking around (everywhere will put on a good show). There's so much else to consider.