Can you still love someone that hurt you?

[Tetratank]

What is it that makes us still love someone despite them causing pain? Does it make you a weak person?

Is it wise to still love someone that hurt us with a good possibility that they will do it again?

You can love them but decide to love yourself more, protect yourself from further hurt and leave them.

I love someone who hurt me really badly. I wouldn't stay though if they hadn't put huge effort into listening, understanding and changing. I'd suggest it's not love just dependence though if you know they treat you badly and that it's likely to continue. I don't think that thinking of it in terms of weakness is probably helpful tbh, people need support around them to enable them to be strong and if you don't have that it can be very difficult to leave a bad relationship. I think it's sad, not weak.

Yes, of course you can and many people can hurt others and love them as well.

BUT - the last part? Will hurt you again. If there is a high chance of that, it is time to weigh it up. Can you take that hurt again? Are they doing it on purpose or do they have a "problem" that they need to sort out..? If they are hurting you and not caring, then I would recommend choosing sanity and leaving.

Some people seem to be able to. I certainly couldn't. Unless (god forbid) it was my child - I could forgive my children a lot more than anyone else. I'm guessing you mean a romantic partner though, in which case no definitely not.

I could love them. But I might no longer believe that they love me.

I too love someone who hurt me badly. It took a long time apart where I completely broke away, gained a whole lot more self esteem and made a new great life for myself. When he made contact again, I was in a good place and made sure things were on my terms. We forged a friendship again and took about 6 months of talking and meet ups before anything happened as he had to regain my trust. I made it crystal clear that I would not accept any crap ever again. That was 17 years ago and we remain together with 2 children.

So it can be done, but it’s not easy or guaranteed. If both are willing to make it work and the one who was hurt is assertive about what has to be done to make it work, then there is indeed a chance.

I should add we remain happily together.

No.

That would be loving a person I hoped they were / thought they were / wanted them to be.

Real love doesn’t hurt.