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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how you would approach this?

26 replies

MiaMarshmallows · 12/10/2021 10:32

Left grandkids with friend as had an early morning dentist appointment.
Got a call from friend just now saying the children had ignored her throughout the morning, spoke rudely to her and did not show any manners.
However, I know friend is going through a bit of a tough time herself and may be extra sensitive. How would you approach this? The kids are very well behaved at school. Not so much at home with parents but think that is a general thing.

OP posts:
Booboosweet · 12/10/2021 10:37

I would definitely have a sharp word with the gkids. How old are they?

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 12/10/2021 10:37

I would for the sake of keeping the peace just say thank you so much and tell her how much you appreciate her help today and go armed with a box of chocolates or wine or a bunch of flowers, Then I would not reference the kids at all I would just say right come on lets go we have taken up enough of your time today,get your coats kids and thanks again and just go.Least said soonest mended !!!

Mamamamasaurus · 12/10/2021 10:39

Call somewhere on the way back for them, arm yourself with chocolates / wine / gin / valium. Take them home after an apology and speak to them. Sounds like six of one and half a dozen of the other. Kids are kids but your friend may be feeling more sensitive / less able to deal with it at the moment.

Original poster
MiaMarshmallows · 12/10/2021 10:43

7 and 8. I think I will not mention it to her anymore but speak to the gkids to get their take on things.

OP posts:
Original poster
MiaMarshmallows · 12/10/2021 11:36

Sorry, eldest is 9 not 8.

OP posts:
Vispa · 12/10/2021 11:41

Could it be that the kids were shy with her if they don't know her well, so came across as a bit uncommunicative? Shyness can make kids so awkward, I remember it well in myself.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 12/10/2021 11:45

I’d take her word for it and apologise. I’d also take flowers as a thank you. Once home, I would ask the kids why they thought your friend would describe them as rude because they were ignoring her and lacking in manners.

I’d be very embarrassed.

MangoBiscuit · 12/10/2021 11:45

I would want the kids side too before doing anything. I think the idea of going armed with chocolates, making no mention of it initially and bustling them out the door, is a good one. Then when home, I'd chat to the kids, ask them what happened, and possibly get them to write an apology (if rude) or thank you (if shy / quiet) letter for your friend.

Morgan12 · 12/10/2021 11:47

Hmmm not sure. Do you believe her? You know your own grandchildren, would they behave like that?

If someone said this about my 9 year old I'd know it wasn't true.

MagnoliaBeige · 12/10/2021 11:48

@MrsElijahMikaelson1

I’d take her word for it and apologise. I’d also take flowers as a thank you. Once home, I would ask the kids why they thought your friend would describe them as rude because they were ignoring her and lacking in manners.

I’d be very embarrassed.

This, why would you automatically think your friend was exaggerating/wrong? If they’re not the best behaved at home, is it really a stretch to think they could be challenging to deal with by other people too?
Original poster
MiaMarshmallows · 12/10/2021 11:50

No, they know her well. She gave specific examples such as they were ordering her around, not listening to instructions and ignoring her. Lack of manners etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
MiaMarshmallows · 12/10/2021 11:52

I just know she is going through a bit of a rough time so do wonder if this excaberated her feelings today.
I know they can be difficult but in some cases I wonder if they just didn't hear her when she asked them to do something. Youngest can become very self absorbed in her activities and isn't aware of her surroundings when she is playing on her own for example.

OP posts:
WimpoleHat · 12/10/2021 11:53

Do the kids know her well? They may have felt a bit shy/awkward…and that can come across as rude. If that’s the case, a thank you and apology to your friend is in order….as well as a gentle chat with the kids about good manners being required even if you’re feeling a bit awkward/in a difficult position. My DD is a bit older, but struggles a bit with shyness, so I’ve had to have these conversations with her and give her a bit of gentle encouragement.

Fraine · 12/10/2021 11:56

She did you / the kids parents a big favour, so not sure why you need to approach her at all about this.

Just say thank you and consider if you're doing too much childcare for your DGC.

hairybakers · 12/10/2021 11:59

I can't even imagine questioning my friends view on this when I know my grandkids are rude at home. They know her well, so probably felt 'at home' ?!?!

WimpoleHat · 12/10/2021 12:06

@MiaMarshmallows

No, they know her well. She gave specific examples such as they were ordering her around, not listening to instructions and ignoring her. Lack of manners etc.
Oh gosh - that doesn’t sound like awkward shyness then. I’d have a word with the kids and maybe a sterner word about appropriate behaviour in other people’s houses….
LettertoHermoine · 12/10/2021 14:57

@hairybakers

I can't even imagine questioning my friends view on this when I know my grandkids are rude at home. They know her well, so probably felt 'at home' ?!?!
Absolutely
Porcupineintherough · 12/10/2021 15:17

Just thank her, apologise and never ask her to look after your grandchildren again. Its weird you would think she was lying or exaggerating tbh

3scape · 12/10/2021 15:39

Why are you asking someone to monitor Your grandchildren shouldn't they go to their parents?

MsJinks · 12/10/2021 15:56

I am one of those who never comment on kids being badly behaved for me - I think many folk are the same - not to our credit necessarily just to avoid awkwardness! But she’s clearly stressed to mention it whether it’s true or just wrongly perceived. Just apologise, give her chocolates or gin and go home before discussing with the grandchildren.

suspiria777 · 12/10/2021 17:53

why weren't they at school?

slashlover · 12/10/2021 20:01

@suspiria777

why weren't they at school?
Schools are on holiday in Scotland at the moment.
Porcupineintherough · 12/10/2021 21:32

@suspiria777

why weren't they at school?
What does that have to do with whether they were rude or not?
suspiria777 · 12/10/2021 22:11

It doesn't reallt, i was merely curious. I suppose there's an argument to be made about people who give kids days off school as a treat or reward that perhaps those kids don't have the best role models or behaviour. It also sounds from the OP that maybe the grandmother has rose tinted glasses and/or is particularly sensitive to perceived criticism about the grandkids' behaviour.

AutumnLeaves21 · 12/10/2021 22:19

Really surprised at the responses here. Why would your friend lie or exaggerate? They’ve got form for being naughty and rude, I would be falling over myself to apologise!! As for getting the kids side of the story…obviously they won’t admit to being rude and naughty Hmm