How to juggle full time working

[hellywelly3]

Posting here for traffic really. I’ve worked part time evenings, weekends etc since having kids 18 years ago. Now all my kids are out of primary school I really want/need to get back to working more hours. I need a bit more of an office based role after a injury makes being on my feet all day very pain. So looking they tend to be 9-5 m-f.
My question is how do people do things like kids dental appointments, doctors/hospital appointments? My daughter goes to the hospital for her brace. What about getting them to after school activities? I’m really struggling to understand how I would do it all. My DH travels around a bit for his job so he’s not really able/willing to do it.
How do you do it? Is it family support? Both sets of grandparents are retired but always say their too busy to offer any kind of childcare.
My husband doesn’t seem to understand how much time these things take up.

Not at that stage yet myself but thinking back to when I was at school and both parents worked full time we only ever did activities in the week that were connected to school. So we didn’t need taking to them, just picking up later (a normal day was school bus home). Anything else was at the weekend.

Dental appointments were always early evening if I recall correctly. But most places have Saturday appointments now if you book far enough in advance.

Also, once you’ve been in a role for a certain period you can apply for flexible working.

When my DD got braces I asked for the latest appointment in the day and had agreement from my boss to start earlier and finish earlier. After a couple of times, she went alone. She was 13.

After school activities, when at primary school, I usually found another mum to take them and I picked up everyone to do drop offs. This usually suited them any way.

In secondary school I found activities were either linked with school or started later after I'd finished work.

[quote hellywelly3]@PearLime I think you’re right.
I did go back to work full time for a couple of years. I found a 4pm till midnight in a job I really enjoyed. My husband was home at 3pm at the time so we didn’t need expensive childcare. But when I was on maternity leave, with my youngest, I noticed my husband was coming home later and later. After a few months he admitted he’d taken a promotion at work and was now working longer hours. When I did go back to work he refused to help look for childcare and by the time I payed the nursery/after school for 3 it wasn’t worth working full time.[/quote]
WoW so he just arbitrarily decided he was changing his hours so he couldn’t look after the kids?!? That’s shitty of him.
If you do go back FT, and I think you should? The problem is 50% his to sort out too! Make sure he knows and accepts this.

For me its flexible job in family Orientated company where i have an element of control of my own diary. Open and honest during recruitment about school runs etc. Some WFH. Some breakfast club. Some after school. Some grandparents. Activities which start after my working day ends or that i can nip them to and then nip back.
To do more work or calls. Cleaner. Excessive use of slow cooker. Supportive ex h who pulls his weight of all the shit as well as the fun stuff. Buy an extra weeks annual leave per year. Supportive partner. Good sense of dark humour!

The secret to juggling while working full time is making sure your partner does half! So alternate days off when the dc are sick, both work flexibly if at all possible so you can take dc to activities (if not possible then dc will have to choose activities at the weekend). Work out how and when you will have time for housework (we manage to stay on top of things if we both do half an hour a day). Alternate using annual leave for appointments.

You cannot possibly move to full-time working without your partner having to pick up quite a bit of extra work.

You cannot possibly move to full-time working without your partner having to pick up quite a bit of extra work.
Well, it is possible, plenty of lone parents work full-time. The other thing is that of course she shouldn't do it all by herself as she's partnered.

I don't work full time but do 4 days, however thinking of going up to full time.

Dentists appointments, hair cuts etc. in half term pr Saturdays if possible

My work is fairly flexible so they would be ok with me leaving at 4 if I could get the last appointment of the day for example as I always work over my hours

Hospital appointments are more tricky, we need to take a half day holiday due to all the waiting about

After school clubs are out, unless you can -
agree some flexible working, if it's a regular club they might do this one day a week eg leave at 3 and then work 4 til 6 instead of finishing at 5
Agree with a parent or friend that also goes if they take and you pick up after your working day has finished
Its organised by and within the school

Our weekends are really busy with homework, clubs and lessons etc so not ideal. As they get older though they will be able to do later clubs, one of mine did 6-7 and that fit nicely around work

One of the only ways it will work though is if you have a supportive partner. Their other parent will have to do more ferrying around and share taking time off for appointments etc. It will be easier for him as its always tricky being unavailable in a new job. He sounds a bit selfish and lazy to be honest

@forinborin

You cannot possibly move to full-time working without your partner having to pick up quite a bit of extra work. Well, it is possible, plenty of lone parents work full-time. The other thing is that of course she shouldn't do it all by herself as she's partnered.

OK, I phrased it badly. I obviously meant it would be totally unfair for her to have to do it all, and too many male partners seem to expect it.

Well aware single parents have to, and I take my hat off too them!

My DC have braces - they are allowed to sign themselves out of school and go to the orthodontist on their own. Would that work for your DD or is it too far from the school?

It does sound like your DH is rubbish. If you start working full time he'll need to pull his weight. Or if you can't work FT because of his job then you need to share money more fairly.

Booked in the school holidays, so you have leave booked to spend with the kids anyway

My DH has failed to grasp this as yet (I start back next month, after a long career break). Having reluctantly realised that we can't really take much time off together any more, he's stepped up and will be looking after the kids in the autumn and late winter holidays, but he's booked to go skiing and visit his parents. I probably have all the routine appointments done for the next few months, but as next year rolls round there will be bunch of things we need to do. We're lucky here in Germany thst it's fairly easy to get a GP appointment still. But on the other hand, there's no after school care - or actually there is, but that just covers up to 3.30pm, because actual school is just to 1pm! They do start earlier though. We're hoping to be able to cover everything by me starting early and DH starting late. I'm trying to find some help for the afternoons but unsurprisingly there aren't that many people that are interein covering 2 hours a day.

My employers allow me to flex around it - so if kids have an appointment, I’d just make up the time when they’re in bed, or whenever I could.

I don’t have family local and am a single parent so it’s the only option really.

I used to be self employed and would just lose the money for those days.

Various things do get booked in the school holidays when I’m off on annual leave anyway (on those days when I am) especially for Dd (13) who doesn’t like to miss any school hours.

@TumtumTree it’s too far really about 20miles, would be difficult by public transport too

What is the point of your husband? He's a sexist, disrespectful prick.

It sounds like you don't have shared finances, or you're not able to access his income? In which case, you definitely need to get back to work, and he needs to pick up half the chores and childcare.

Easy enough to limit after-school clubs to weekends/evenings when one of you is back home. But dental/dr appts will need to be shared by both of you. Either flexi time or taking A/L.

When you consider childcare costs, don't compare it to your salary alone. Esp if you don't pool money, just make sure you can cover half (or a % of it if you pay bills proportionate to income).

How I managed working full time was working in a job with little/ no commute. When he was younger I had a job with flexistart so I could start earlier or later as needed. Now he is old enough to get himself off to school I have a job that finishes at 4.30 a commute of less the 30 minutes and any activities he has are within 20 minutes drive away. I am a big fan of cooking a curry to last more then one day so there is a quick and nutritious meal at home when we get back from whatever activity.
Appointments etc have always come out of my AL unless they can be done in evenings or weekends. My ex job is far too important to take time off for an appointment . DS is autistic so there have been so many appointments over the years. Once your employer knows you get the work done and aren’t taking the piss they don’t mind about short notice etc.
Also as DS gets older he is expected to do more for himself which helps me juggle my time too.

The secret to juggling while working full time is making sure your partner does half!

Not as a single mum, it isn't.

Op found it hard but I was temping. Ortho apts were at 5. Cringing asking for time off. I did them as worked nearer. Hated full T as we had no downtime for anything. Its very hard.

Please don't think of childcare as an expense to be borne only through your wage and therefore 'not worth it'. It's a joint expense that enables you both to work, progress your career and accrue skills and pension. I agree with pp that whatever job you get, you need a serious chat with your husband. Just because his work is X now, it doesn't have to stay that way..whats stopping him doing flexi hours or finding a job that lets him?

I just tell my manager I have appointments and book time out of my diary, try and book them at start or end of day or at lunchtime to avoid disruption. I work through most lunchtimes and most days finish late therefore have pretty much paid any time back. But I have had v flexible employers since having ds

I think it's easier if you been with a company for longer and the more senior you are.

I control my own diary to an extent and work long hours so can take time off when needed.

Also as a mum I support my staff and give them flexibility for appointments/ school things etc as I know they are mums who will work hard.

Also have you seen www.gov.uk/parental-leave/entitlement

Whilst this is about taking unpaid leave and in one weeks - you can use this for holiday time and use annual leave for appointments

But most importantly as others have said, book appointments for weekends and evenings. I changed dentist for example to one that is open Saturdays and evenings. And get your partner to step up. It's not an option for them not to

Thanks for all your replies. I really appreciate you all taking the time to tell me how you manage it. I will be having a word with DH

Local council work can be flexible, depending on the job. I use flexi time for appointments. DC tended to do after school things at school once in secondary. My hours are a bit flexible in that we can start at 8am or 10am. It pays less than private sector but the flexibility makes things manageable. I can walk to work and I'm close by if there's a problem. You get more holiday the longer you're there. And home working is getting more common.

My work allow flexi time, so I can make up time. Or I take annual leave. The majority of the time I work my main hours of 8.30-4.30 but every so often I can start late, finish early, take an extra long lunch etc.

Oh, and DH does his share! He's also able to work flexibly though.