Sorry bit too long! Bit of background, I have been suffering from recurrent miscarriages for the past 3 years. I had a stillborn at 22 weeks and 5 subsequent miscarriages. This has taken a massive toll on me mentally, I have anxiety and when pregnant this spikes through the roof.
10 months ago, my brother moved to same country as me to start a job. He arrived during covid lockdown and asked to stay with us for a few weeks. We warned him he would need to quarantine (gov guidelines) for 2 weeks. He tried going into restaurants and shops ignoring the rules. I told him not to and he got a bit upset but stopped breaking them.
Apart from that, we had a really nice time and I was enjoying hosting him. We tried to make him feel as welcome as possible (cooking for him, doing his laundry etc.) and didn't charge him for anything, my mum gave me some money too so that helped.
For his job he needed a proof of address. He told me he wasn't in a rush as he didn't want to start work until the next month. He asked for my bank statements, driver's licence or utility bill - I told him they wouldn't accept it as they were under my name but gave them to him anyway. We also added him to our gas bill but obviously we didn't get the statement until much later.
At the time I was 6 weeks pregnant. My brother had to go to another city to sort his contract , where covid cases were soaring. When he came back he told me he needed to go again the next week as they wouldn't accept proof of address under my name (unsurprisingly). I couldn't sleep thinking I was going to get covid and the pregnancy was going to be affected. The next day I explained that I was pregnant and very anxious. I suggested alternatives like staying longer with us then renting a room in the city, or asking if he could do it virtually. He said "yeah ok" and ignored me, booked a bus to go again, then stopped talking to me.
The next day I overheard him phone his wife complaining that it was a mistake coming here, the food was shit and that just refused to help him. He finished with "turns out she is pregnant and she is a psycho”.
When he finished I confronted him saying it was very rude of him to say all those things and those lies. We did try helping him. He just said "All I know is I've been here for 2 weeks and I still don't have a proof of address, I am not going to chase you for my papers, if you don't want to give them to me it's your problem". He then proceeded to tell me how crazy I was, that I had problems, that I got crazy and made him quarantine. I lost count of how many times he told me I was crazy. He then said he knew how not to get covid and that I was just paranoid. Finally he just said "you think I want to be here?? you really think I enjoy being here?? I want to get the fuck out of here". So I told him to leave.
The next day we went to the hospital and they told us there was no heartbeat. I know my dad told my brother, but didn't hear anything from him for the next 4 moths, apart from his wife texting my dad to ask me to write a letter claiming he was still living with me and to send a copy of my licence as proof of address.
A few weeks later, his wife texted me saying "Didn't want you to find out on FB but you are going to be an aunt!" So, it hit me, when he called her and said I was pregnant & psycho, she was pregnant too.
5 months later I had another miscarriage, this time he texted me saying he is really sorry, that he was very rude to me and we should just forget everything, and start with a clean slate.
Maybe I should've just accepted the apology, but "let's forget about it" was not enough for me so I replied saying he really hurt me and that for me it wasn't a clean slate type of thing. Days later his wife texted me to invite me to her baby gender reveal. I politely declined.
A couple of months later, they came to visit our city and asked to meet. I told him I would only meet him to talk things through and not pretend everything was fine.
His apology (in summary) was: “I’m sorry, I already told you I am! What else do you want me to tell you? What do you want me to do? Go crawling to the cathedral to ask God for forgiveness? Write you letters saying how sorry I am? I am sorry... but you kicked me out of your house, no one has ever done that to me, which tells me you are the one with the problem…”. I almost lost it and left. My husband told him "your sister was very vulnerable, when she needed you the most you prioritised your contract over her well being" to which he replied "yeah, I did".
Their baby was born a couple of months ago, we sent them presents, said congratulations but otherwise haven't spoken to them or seen the baby. I feel guilty but equally don't want to spend time with my brother and am having a rough time being around babies due to our problems.
AIBU?