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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boss being unreasonable about calling me out for talking

23 replies

spottytop · 11/10/2021 21:39

I have NC for this. I have worked in the same place for over 30 years. It is a very busy job and I often work my lunch and late and don't put in overtime. Bit of a background, at the beginning of the year I fractured my back in two places. I was actually hurt in three places. We didn't find this out until April and my boss assumed it was a muscular injury.

Anyway I couldn't physically go in to work but did work from home with about 70 files the whole time with the exception of three weeks and 1 day when I honestly thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown with the pain and long hours - just couldn't do it. I was honestly so low and felt suicidal (and I'm really not exaggerating). I actually explained this to my boss. Anyway have been back in the office for many months, still in a lot of pain. I felt that as I had been off I couldn't claim overtime and haven't all year. Anyway to get to the crux on Friday we were all out for lunch. I came back 10 minutes early and started to work. It was one of the girl's birthdays and I went down to see her open her card, gifts etc. After 10 minutes exactly my boss was on the stairs pointing at his watch. There were four of us standing talking, all meant to be employed. I went back upstairs and the others continued to talk for a good 45 minutes. I feel aggrieved. Why me? I know I work more closely with him but he is the boss of us all. I told him I thought it was really unfair after all my unpaid overtime and he said nothing. Oh and i sat for an hour and half last Sunday checking my emails after a week's holiday. Am I just a complete mug or did he have the right to do what he did?

OP posts:
Icouldbehappy · 11/10/2021 21:42

He’s a wanker. Plain and simple.

AutumnLeaves21 · 11/10/2021 21:46

He is unreasonable. Play him at his own game; put in every single minute you work outside your contracted hours-even if it’s 2 minutes at your desk into your lunch break. If he wants to be petty then I would too.

Lime37 · 11/10/2021 21:47

I don’t understand why you havnt claimed your over time

MrsRobbieHart · 11/10/2021 21:48

I think you need to start claiming every single minute of overtime. Take your full lunch. Don’t start early or work late. Finish at 5 on the dot. You’re getting no gratitude for going above max beyond so don’t do it.

Bogeyes · 11/10/2021 21:49

The more you do...the more they want

SuddenArborealStop · 11/10/2021 21:50

You are being unreasonable to go above and beyond for someone who obviously doesn't appreciate it

onlymyselftoanswerto1 · 11/10/2021 21:52

The more you do the more you're expected to do. Work on your boundaries, do what you're paid to do and don't let them take advantage of you - as they will - but only if you let them. Put in your overtime going forward, don't work when you are on leave. Don't kill yourself working for a job that will replace you in no time if you do. Honestly, you need to start valuing yourself and your time and your health. Thanks

spottytop · 11/10/2021 21:52

I think I really need to sit down and talk to him properly. He depends on me much more than anyone else and I feel I always get the brunt but God I'm tired. I'm 55 now and some days I'm just so knackered when I get home. I know he doesn't appreciate it but I can't help myself. The rest of them take the piss and nothing is said.

OP posts:
Griselda1 · 11/10/2021 21:52

Send him an email highlighting this experience. You need to have it in writing whether he responds or not. Start charging for overtime, learn from this experience

YouTubeAddict · 11/10/2021 21:53

From now on do your contracted hours only. They’ve ‘bought’ XX amount of your time. If they want/need more then they have to pay for it.

spottytop · 11/10/2021 21:53

onlymyselftoanswerto1 I know I could be replaced in a minute. People have left and after a couple of weeks most of us don't even remember their names.

OP posts:
spottytop · 11/10/2021 21:54

Griselda1 I was thinking this but I don't want anyone else to come across it. I was thinking of writing him a letter instead just detailing everything.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 11/10/2021 21:57

I know he doesn't appreciate it but I can't help myself

Well there you have it. You wont help yourself. You do too much and he doesn't appreciate you. You need boundaries.

If you cant stand up for yourself and claim what's yours/only work your actual hours...then you must accept him thinking you can do it all and treating you as such. 🤷‍♀️

MrsRobbieHart · 11/10/2021 22:01

You’re your own worst enemy OP.

Dora33 · 11/10/2021 22:03

I wouldn't bother sending him an email. Instead concentrate on yourself. Take your breaks and make sure you leave on time. You need to focus on your health.
Years ago I was really embrassed to be called into my manager's office due to a long personal call I had taken. It didn't matter that I didn't take a lunch break and had worked late that day and worked while I was on the call. I was pulled up and had to apologise.
From then on, I took my breaks and make sure I did my personal stuff during lunch rather than work it.

spottytop · 11/10/2021 22:03

Notimeforaname you're right. His Secretary is doing less and less because she doesn't do emails and a lot on the computer so her role is getting less and less. Because of this I get more and more to do. I have spoken to him - this can't carry on with one person cruising and refusing to learn how to do things on the computer which the rest of us have been doing for years. It is so frustrating.

OP posts:
thedevilinablackdress · 11/10/2021 22:04

Stop working when you are ill.
Stop working when you are not being paid for it.

LadyJaye · 11/10/2021 22:09

I'm a director and senior subject matter expert in my company, so my CEOs lean heavily on me for ops support.

A few months after I started in my role, one sent me a message with a lot of !!!!s, which I REALLY didn't appreciate.

I called him immediately and explained, calmly and clearly, that while I understood he felt that his request was urgent, I didn't like the tone and I was NOT to be spoken to like that.

We now have a terrific working relationship and like each other immensely - he is brusque and to the point, and so am I, and we respect each other for it.

You work for your boss, but he is not the boss of you - you need to sit down and discuss this, and I would recommend doing this F2F if possible.

spottytop · 11/10/2021 22:31

LadyJaye you're right, I am absolutely raging at him. He is on holiday this week but I will talk to him next week. He tries to out debate me and talk down to me saying I could work a lot of worse places and giving examples of other firms I could work for. I'm too old to be treated as a child. Thank you all for backing me up. I have mentioned it to a couple of staff who saw it but they haven't said much, mainly because they weren't the ones getting pelters.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 11/10/2021 22:55

Think I’d be going home on time, taking my full lunch break and not looking at emails once out of work. See how he likes that! Why weren’t the others told to get back to work, or does he think you’re a doormat?

onlymyselftoanswerto1 · 11/10/2021 23:48

@spottytop

onlymyselftoanswerto1 I know I could be replaced in a minute. People have left and after a couple of weeks most of us don't even remember their names.
I didn't mean to sound harsh btw, I'm a "yes" person and hate letting people down or disappointing them, but over time I've realised that by always pleasing others or going over and above for them I let myself down and don't prioritise my own needs and heath. You matter, your time and your health matter - don't let others steal that from you
MiniCooperLover · 12/10/2021 08:54

His secretary doesn't do emails ?!? 😱 I'm a legal secretary and if I did that I'd be out the door in minutes ...

samwitwicky · 12/10/2021 09:11

@spottytop

I think I really need to sit down and talk to him properly. He depends on me much more than anyone else and I feel I always get the brunt but God I'm tired. I'm 55 now and some days I'm just so knackered when I get home. I know he doesn't appreciate it but I can't help myself. The rest of them take the piss and nothing is said.

Stop being so available. Stop working outside of your contracted hours. Why are you checking emails at the weekend?!

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