AIBU to want a lie detector test

[sunnyblueskies]

Good morning!

Yes I am well aware this sounds like an episode of Jeremy Kyle. I can assure you we do not live our day to day lives like this!

On the weekend my partner told a white lie. I think it’s a big deal because of the lies surrounding it to make the lie more believable. I know why he lied (because he didn’t want me to have a go at him) But he’s 38. Old enough to know better.

We have two children and he’s a fab hard working loving dad and apart from the white lies he’s a good partner. I have caught him on a couple of occasions telling white lies. They aren’t big but I have trust issues so they build up and my mind goes crazy.
Since the weekend i’ve had HUGE anxiety over this lie. I wake up feeling sick, sweaty and a racing heart because i’m now convinced he must’ve cheated (totally unrelated to the lie) Because of how easily he lied, it makes me think surely he can cheat and lie. Therefore he must have cheated.

I’ve never had reason to think he’s cheated. The white lies just lead me to believe he could therefore tell bigger lies.

He’s a good looking guy and could easily have the pick of the ladies. So now i’m convinced he’s cheated. Again the lies he’s ever told haven’t been related to cheating or women or anything like that.

He’s said do a lie detector test. Now I want to do one and part of me thinks he’s bluffing in the hope I will say “oh no let’s not” but i’m tempted.
I want to do it for my peace of mind but also i’m worried if I do it and he passes i’ll feel awful and we will have ruined the relationship.

I don’t want to leave him but if he’s done the dirty then obviously I want to! I’m really struggling at the mo and need advice. xx

You need some help.
Speak to your GP about counselling op,your reaction is not normal and you will make yourself ill going on like this.You can't carry on in this manner,it's bad for you and had for your relationship.
🌈 forget the lie detector and concentrate on getting yourself and if needed,your relationship with your dp,some help.good luck.

[quote TheAverageUser]@theFoundations a white lie by definition is unimportant and designed to not hurt someones feelings. Totally agree with your scenarios though, those would definitely matter![/quote]
I think OP might put something down to being a white lie when the rest of us might not, because she doesn't trust her judgment. She's likely to go for the 'It's just me being silly, but...' take on explaining his behaviour, when it might not be her being silly at all.

serious question asking for a friend. Is it actually possible to buy lie detector tests?

I think you need therapy, not a lie detector.

Depends on the lie/lies really. We need more info.
However, the fact that you're thinking of a lie detector really does suggest that there are severe trust issues in your relationship.

A test will not resolve these issues.

So he gets a test… and he does it again… another test? What if you decide it’s not believable? The tests aren’t hugely accurate as far as I know and can show as unsure if someone is really nervous… I may not be right but needs checking. On another note I agree you need to work out your issues and then decide if you trust him, and even if you do whether the white lies are a deal breaker (because he knows how you feel and still does it anyway)

@godmum56

serious question asking for a friend. Is it actually possible to buy lie detector tests?

Yup. And crystal balls.

If my husband asked me to do a lie detector test then out of the door he would go. You will end up fulfilling your own prophecy OP.

A pattern of dishonesty is concerning.

Based on what you have said here, it appears to me that you are afraid of his cheating and you are allowing this fear to get out of hand once you had reason to question his honesty.

If the lies are that bad/pervasive/upsetting to you, it does appear that your relationship is in serious trouble in any case