To not know how to rekindle things with DH…

[Bibbetyboo]

Had 2nd baby a year ago. DH doesn’t come near me while I am pregnant - I know men go either way on nookie during that time. Was difficult during horny 4th month otherwise fine.

I feel like I would like things to restart but with the kids sleep being all over the place often we’re not in the same bed. No alone time when we’re not in bed/ during the day.

I feel hideous (lot of weight to lose). Don’t know if he would rebuff any advance. Don’t want to talk about it as cringe.

I feel too unattractive right now to be entitled to a sex life but I think that getting things going again in that dept would actually help us both with stress and help relationship etc. So difficult with work and two kids that we both eat more than we should etc. Would be nice to swap the biscuits for adult fun!

What should I do?! Sexy lingerie etc not on the cards as feel like a pig in lipstick, would t have the confidence to pull it off.

In all honesty I think you should talk to him. Tell him how you’re feeling, ask how he’s feeling and go from there.

It's mad isn't it how we can tell strangers on the internet this stuff but not our own DH's?! And that is what you need to do in all honesty, tell him pretty much what you've just told us, he's probably feeling exactly the same. I know it's cringe but the older I get the more I believe talking is the key to everything and I can tell you from experience that sex is infinitely better when you communicate.

It doesn't have to be face to face to begin with if you really can't bring yourself to do it, we've used text before when something has been too sensitive or embarrassing to say out loud. But tell him, you're meant to be a team so this should be something you tackle (no pun intended) together

It is mad. Anonymity I suppose is the difference rather than feeling like you are laying it all bare.

Urgh ok so the only way is the grown up adult way and actually needing to talk it out. Shouldn’t be that hard should it!

@mumsnet please delete?

Do you share a lot of non sexual physical contact? Like hand holding or cuddling on sofa at night? Getting used to each other in a physical sense again might help to break the ice so to speak and also go hand in hand with a chat. Good luck, you are absolutely entitled to a sex life!

If you can have sex with him then you can definitely talk about sex with him!! Why don't you just say 'I know things are really busy but I really miss having sex with you' and just see what he says. It's certainly not a bad thing to be told! I would also talk to him about how you feel you're both eating too much and what does he think about that. You know what, communication is absolutely key in a relationship, it's not always easy to start the conversation but unless he's a total dick you'll be glad you did. It'll bring you closer and make you feel more like a team.

You say a lot of really horrible things about yourself in your post, and I bet you wouldn’t me nearly as mean about anyone else. Maybe try practicing being a bit kinder in your own thoughts - I bet you don’t look like a pig in lipstick, and you’re certainly not too unattractive to be entitled to a sex life. You might feel a bit more sexually confident if you practice a bit of self acceptance and body positivity. Have you ever had CBT? It trains you to identify negative thoughts and challenge them. I’ve found it useful in all sorts of ways, not just in challenging depressive thinking (which is what it’s usually used to treat)