AIBU ot think he isn't interested?

[Indielister]

I met a guy a few weeks ago. I really like him. We work at the same place but not with each other. I occasionally see him and normally stop him for a chat. The other day we spoke for over an hour and I asked for his number. I also asked him out for a drink. He couldn't do that week but said he might be able to do this week. It wouldn't just be us but a group of us.

I sent him a few jokey texts, about either work or something we had discussed when we chatted. No reply. Then I started panicking that I'd been full on. So I messaged him and apologised. He still didn't reply. So I sent one final text just saying, if he could please respond so I knew he didn't think I was completely insane. I apologised again, etc. He finally replied. Told me not to worry about it. I was full on but it was okay. He's got a lot going on, very busy, etc. But, we could be friends. (I had only ever implied friendship and not anything more). He had also only seen my messages that morning as he isn't much of a phone user. I replied and said thanks, explained that i can be full on but to everyone, not just him! Mentioned that we were doing drinks this week and he would be welcome to come. He said thanks, I will join you if I can.

I really don't know what to make of him. I guess he's got a very busy life. Lots to think about. He seems to be OK with having a distant friendship but nothing more.

I guess I should just keep my distance and only interact if he initiates? He clearly doesn't want anything more, right?

Probably not an aibu, but I could do with some advice because he's occupying 90% of my brain space.

Sorry, typo in title.

Put your phone down
Step away from the phone

Do not text him again unless he texts first

Oh god. I actually cringed a bit reading that.

Just leave him be, op! Hes clearly not interested.

Your second to last paragraph sums it up perfectly

He isn't interested OP, please stop Messaging him, especially if you have to work together. It's a shame but if you don't keep messaging it's for the best.

He's not into you. Do not contact him again, you will come across badly.

Yep, leave it now. I'd say he's not interested and might even have other irons in the fire. You say you'd only implied friendship but also say you really like him and the asking him for a drink and other texts may have given him a strong clue you wanted more than friendship. Which is fine, but now you know he's not biting, I'd definitely leave it and focus energies elsewhere.

It's a bit worrying he's occupying the vast majority of your headspace. Do you have a tendency to get super into people and be very intense as soon as you meet them? It can be overwhelming and awkward to be on the receiving end of that so something to work on in general, if so.

Sorry, I don't think he's interested in you romantically - he'd have answered your texts and jumped at your invitation to go out if he fancied you.

95% of times, if you have to ask on Mumsnet if a man fancies you, the answer is that he doesn't.

If someone fancies you they will go out of their way to be in your company.

As pps have said, don't keep hounding him as it will erode your dignity.

Oh OP, don't text him again!

Arrggg, the second hand embarrassment here is strong. I feel for you OP but dear god, step away, delete his number do NOT contact him again. Find someone who reciprocates your feelings to occupy you brain space.

Sorry to be harsh but he is clearly not interested at all. Try someone who wants you too

Oh OP, I mean this kindly, but he's not given you a single signal that he might be interested. He didn't ask for your number, hasn't replied to texts and been evasive about meeting up. It's horrible when you like somebody and the feeling isn't reciprocated, but you need to give up on this one.

Oh god, leave the poor man alone

@SALTyartist

Arrggg, the second hand embarrassment here is strong. I feel for you OP but dear god, step away, delete his number do NOT contact him again. Find someone who reciprocates your feelings to occupy you brain space.

Yeah, I'm pretty embarrassed! Feel like I've made a complete prat of myself. Ahh. I just wanted him to like me

I have a personality that means I'm not satisfied and tend not to give up until I get what I want. But obviously, its very different when you're talking about another person! I can't make him like me

@OverweightCakeBaker

Oh god. I actually cringed a bit reading that.

So do I

Have a read of “He’s Just Not That Into You”. I’m not trying to be mean - I read it when a friend told me to, and I was cringing at myself 😉 But it is very useful for the future, to pull yourself on unhelpful behaviour!

To be fair op, you work at the same place, he wasn't going to say 'yeah actually ypu have made me really uncomfortable. Please stop texting me'. People usually, try and be tactful, if they may have to see you again.

You know yourself what you did was over the top. You can't get a do over. But you can learn from it and try not to do this again. Especially with someone connected in any way to work.

Have you don't this sort of thing before?

Do you have a tendency to get super into people and be very intense as soon as you meet them? It can be overwhelming and awkward to be on the receiving end of that so something to work on in general, if so.

Back off.

He has made it clear he isn't interested and is probably very uncomfortable now.

Did you really think he thought you were completely insane if he didn’t reply or was it just a way to make him acknowledge you?

Anyway, at least you tried!

Don’t text him again but he a bit more laidback with the next guy!

The fact that you have done all the chasing - stopping him for chat , texting him, asking him for a drink and he hasn’t taken any initiative obviously means he isn’t interested at all. Just forget about him . It’s better when the chase is from the opposite sex in any case !

Being determined can be an excellent character trait but you have rightly recognised that doesn’t work so well when it comes to these sorts of situations. You want someone who is as enthusiastic about you as you are about them… not someone you have to chase down and force into replying.