Friends and Favours

[Lomita277]

I am working in a high stress professional job. Retrained late in life so I am at a junior level. About a year ago a friend asked me to do her a favor and do some work for her relating to my field. Later she came back to me and said there was an error in something and didn’t say it outright but blamed me. At the time I was very sure of what I was doing so I do not see how I would have made that error. This was all done for free. And after this happened about two separate times she brought it up almost as a joke which really offended me.

Now she has asked me to have a quick look at something I thought she was going to do herself and just wanted someone to check, I asked her last week did she do it and she said no and basically wanted me to do the whole thing this weekend. Problem is that firstly I will refuse to stand over it in an official capacity and I think I should warn her of this because I will absolutely not take any responsibility for mistakes. When I am officially at work, everything I do ultimately goes through the people at the top so if there is anything off they will catch it.

Secondly have had a difficult couple of years from mental health perspective but I have learned to take care of myself and put up boundaries when I need to.

She will see this as my not being a good friend and not being helpful.
AIBU?

Say you're not comfortable doing it because you would be worried there may be a mistake. If she doesn't like it then she's not really a friend and is probably just using you because you're willing to help her out.

I get that boundaries can be tricky, but your position sounds totally justifiable. I’d try to find a way to say no without too much explanation. Surely she can find another professional for whatever it is?

She will see this as my not being a good friend and not being helpful.

"Dear Frenemy
I am sorry you are manipulating me by calling me a bad, unhelpful friend. But last time I helped you, as a good friend, you bit me on the arse about an error I didn't even make, so you need to accept that I'm not going to put myself back in that line of fire."

Any 'friend' who tells you that you are not a good friend because you don't want to do their ungrateful petulant selves yet another undeserved favour is ... not your friend.

So say something like the response above OP, & let her fall out with you if she wants.

Just don't do it at all. Tell her that after last time and the error she claims you made that you are not comfortable helping people outside of your work setting. Tell her if she wants to engage in your professional services she can contact your work and book it through that.

Any 'friend' who tells you that you are not a good friend because you don't want to do their ungrateful petulant selves yet another undeserved favour is ... not your friend.

Exactly this. You don't owe her anything, Lomita.

If she was paying for the work would she be so keen to have you do it because of the mistake she thinks you made last time??

Good point “Orgasmagorical” (a great name). The thing is she doesn’t want to pay anybody.

All in all, this has taught me a good lesson to never mix work with friends or possibly even family.

Friends often ask me to do work for them like this. My new response is “ah yes my firm would be delighted to help you. Our rates are X per hour but I’m sure we’d be happy to offer you Y per hour as a friends’ discount!” I never hear back from them again after that!