I not surely but...

[jalepenocheese]

Backstory: dp drinks every fri night he’s steaming and gets paranoid as appose to paralytic. I often moan about this because he’s constantly jumping at any noises he hears in the night and keeps looking out the curtains into the street (he’ll surely see a psycho wielding a chainsaw or axe - I think not!!!)
This particular fri night I said I wouldn’t moan, however I had an assessment due in at 10pm and I told him this. His wandering up and down past me irritated me and yes I had a go at him to just sit down and relax (so I went against my word)

Ff to the morning of Saturday he said “you said you wouldn’t moan last night I’m not taking you to the funeral…” (I don’t drive and funeral is a 4hr drive away)

The funeral is of someone in my family who I spent a lot of time with in my younger years, not so much as I got older as we live so far apart.

Whose is BU?

Plus I wanted a rant

Tbf if he drinks that much he surely wouldn't be legal to drive, especially a 4 hour one today.

This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. Both his relationship with alcohol and your relationship with each other.

He is bu and is I would seriously think about leaving him, he's won't take you to a funeral that he said he would and is an awful drunk.

He is of course.

Are you sure he's just drinking? What you describe sounds more like what you'd expect to see if someone had taken drugs .

Can you make your way to the funeral on your own?

And really, do you want to stay in this relationship?

He is U to punish you but the situation is U if he can't drink without a row.
Can you get in with anyone else for the funeral?

Hes an arsehole, and completely unreasonable and unkind. Can you learn to drive, so that you're not reliant on a selfish petulant drunk in the future?

So your DP drinks to the point of steaming paranoia every Friday might, & acts in a disturbing manner.

Despite this being all his problem, he feels it reasonable to extract a promise from you not to object to his horrible drunken antics.

Weirdly, you agree to this, which is a worrying indication of the dysfunctional dynamic of your relationship.

This Friday, you were working late, & asked him to sit down & relax so you could concentrate. Bizarrely, this is viewed by both of you as you being the person in the wrong.

On Saturday, he punishes you for wanting to work quietly until 10pm the previous evening, by withdrawing his offer to drive you to your relative's funeral. Your relationship is so damaging to your self esteem that instead of being rightly outraged by DP's vile behaviour, you have to ask MN which of you in being unreasonable.

Do I have this about right?

How long have you been with DP?
Do you have DC?
What is your housing situation - rent/mortgage - who is on the tenancy/deeds?
What will your relatives say when you tell them the reason you now cannot make it to the funeral?

I think you have bigger problems to worry about than today’s drive

He sounds like a real dickhead.

He's awful, but you need to learn to drive or get a train

He sounds like he’s on drugs. I’ve never ever seen anyone become paranoid or behave in the way you are describing after drinking alcohol. Definitely seen it from people on drugs.

This is a terrible relationship and you’re never going to be happy if you stay with him. I don’t know why you agreed “not to moan” but that’s beside the point. He was disturbing you while you were doing important work (presumably something that will impact your future or career?) and you were quite within your rights to tell him to pack it in. He is now punishing you for challenging his unreasonable and selfish behaviour by preventing you from attending a family funeral. Complete arsehole.

Apologies guys the funeral wasnt on Saturday it's coming up in a few weeks. He would never drive if he's had a drink!

And he does no drugs he has got MH issues and alcohol makes him paranoid unfortunately. But that's his way of dealing with it. I can't go to funeral with anyone else.no one lives local. I have children who will be going to funeral too. Car drive 4 hours so train is likely to be 6 hours without delays. And funeral service is first thing in morning unfortunately

Round up kids, on train night before. Check into hotel. Go to funeral the following day.

Stay in hotel, arrange alternative accommodation where you're near to family, stay the hell away from an abusive alcoholic with unmedicated MH issues including possible psychosis with hallucinations.

And he does no drugs he has got MH issues and alcohol makes him paranoid unfortunately. But that's his way of dealing with it.

So he has unresolved MH issues, which he self-medicates, unsuccessfully, with booze.

His self-medication causes his MH issues to worsen, but you are forbidden from mentioning this, or even asking him to stop causing a ruckus while he is having his deliberately induced paranoia sessions.

Why are you still with him?
What effect do you think this is having on your DC?

Don't rely on him for a lift, make other arrangements, Do dc have to go? Is he getting any support fir his mh and binge drinking?

agree with @NeverDropYourMooncup (and don't, it's messy) - except why wait until the funeral?

You’ve surely not moved him in with your kids? A man with MH issues who self medicates with alcohol and becomes frequently paranoid? Come on, OP.

Could you get a lift with someone else?

Don’t beg him and take driving lessons ASAP so you’re not beholden to this drunken, sulking twat.