… that my rapist haunts me?

[Pleasegivemeyourwisdom]

I’ve never moved from the home town in which we both grew up: I fear he’ll turn up and scare the crap out of me. I’ve teenagers now; my own life; but he scares me. An icey hand from the past: I’m scared to bump into him. Googling him has led me to believe he’s spilt from his wife of 20 years. He scares me. My life is settled now.?

I google him from time to time. No idea why other than a toxic bond. We were 16 when we met. I knew nothing. He really really damaged me. It’s taken years to get over 🤕

Have you considered therapy, OP? It sounds like you need help to free yourself from the toxic legacy and move on.
I am angry on your behalf that such a piece of shit still has the power to spoil your life so many years later. It would be good if you could progress from fearing him to despising him, to being angry, and then to being completely indifferent to him - no longer giving him any space in your head or a moment’s thought. This is a difficult journey, but worth embarking on.