Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can I report abuse anonymously

53 replies

SnitchSeeker · 09/10/2021 22:27

Can I report child abuse anonymously or will they know it's name? The child's mum died earlier this year . His dad is an alcoholic and he spends a lot of time with his mums family

He's between 4-6 not sure tbh

I can hear a lot of screaming from both the child and our neighbour right now. I can hear the child is crying hysterically and screaming. I wouldn't normally say anything but he's started screaming back at his child now. Our house is extremely thick we can't usually hear anything at all

If I call the police will they know it's me? I have to live next to him until he moves out and he will make our life's extremely difficult but this isn't right.

In the time I've written this he's stopped crying so maybe I should just call social services?

OP posts:
HeartsAndClubs · 09/10/2021 23:18

To the posters attacking the OP, as much as we all think that we should report, it’s not always that simple. I.e. if the person is violent and e.g. the OP is a single parent living there alone and the neighbour is likely to know who has reported them, then she herself could be at risk.

I reported a neighbour recently because I could hear him shouting and the child screaming and a lot of banging. I wrote about it here at the time. After the child stopped screaming the father continued to scream at her.

Unfortunately it was all over so quickly that I didn’t have time to call 999, and tbh even if I had it would have all been over by the time they got there.However I did ring 101 and also social services and reported them. I’m in the house next door and their’s is an end terrace so there is absolutely no way they wouldn’t know it was me, although i did say I wanted to remain anonymous.

I have no idea what happened, but I know that the father disappeared for a while, I hoped she’d thrown him out but as they very much keep themselves to themselves there was no way of knowing. However she had previously been very quiet, never engaging with the neighbours, and the girls would hide if approached, and while he was gone she used to speak when outside, and she once even sent the girls round to fetch a parcel I’d taken in for them. So I was hopeful.

However this past week I’ve realised that he’s back, and the woman has gone back to her old self. Sad

Original poster
SnitchSeeker · 09/10/2021 23:18

@MiddleEasternMummy I did, but I mostly care that the child next door doesn't end up as yet another statistic where no one says anything.

The entire village knows he's got issues and no one has done anything. This child deserves more. He's already lost a parent he doesn't deserve to be abused by the other one.

I feel disgusted in myself I even hesitated. What's wrong with me

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 09/10/2021 23:20

Has this happened before OP?

TheChip · 09/10/2021 23:25

There is nothing wrong with you, OP. It is difficult to know what to do for the best in these situations sometimes. Your mind bounces back and forth and it can make it really hard to make a firm decision.

Thats why it is best you have reported it now. You've done your part. The police will likely pass a report to children services, I'd imagine. But it's now in the hands of those who can actually assess the situation much better and decide what to do next.

Original poster
SnitchSeeker · 09/10/2021 23:26

@WorraLiberty not the shouting, he's usually quite short with his child but doesn't scream at him. However it's know that he isn't taking his child to school because he's too hungover, he takes his kid to the pub with him most nights. He's drunk all the time and he's a horrible man when he's drunk. He gets in fights with his child there.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 09/10/2021 23:28

[quote SnitchSeeker]@WorraLiberty not the shouting, he's usually quite short with his child but doesn't scream at him. However it's know that he isn't taking his child to school because he's too hungover, he takes his kid to the pub with him most nights. He's drunk all the time and he's a horrible man when he's drunk. He gets in fights with his child there.

[/quote]
Ahh ok, he should've been reported long before now to be honest and hopefully he probably has been.

Therefore your report should make up another part of the jigsaw that's sometimes needed for action to be taken.

Amandasummers · 09/10/2021 23:33

I hate these posts. I get people are worried about backlash, but is you not receiving backlash more important than a child’s life?? Surely there should be no question.

Maverick66 · 09/10/2021 23:50

This kills me.
I look at my own grandchild and how loved he is and I can't bear to think of any child suffering like this.

MaternityNurse007 · 09/10/2021 23:50

Yes , you can report anonymously and should report and go with your gut feeling.
Call 999 or report anonymously on the crimestoppers website: crimestoppers.org

Please do update xxx

Original poster
SnitchSeeker · 09/10/2021 23:57

Well the update is the police are there and it looks like he might be arrested as he's screaming at them. So hopefully the child will be taken somewhere safe. I can't imagine this is going to be received well. He's kicking off massively.

OP posts:
TheChip · 09/10/2021 23:58

Thats good, OP. Not for the child, obviously. But at least it wasn't all hunky dory when the police arrived. They have reason to escalate this further now.

Maverick66 · 10/10/2021 00:14

I'm sorry if you suffer any backlash from this OP but you have 100% done the right thing ..you may have saved this little one's life.

MoanyMo · 10/10/2021 00:24

You have done the right thing. I have nightmare neighbours in my street and have been scared to call the police at times. You don't need to give your name and he will not know who has called. You will probably not be the only person that has reported it.

thaimoon · 10/10/2021 07:32

Well done OP. Let's hope you've started the ball rolling now for this little one to have a safer and happier home

CornishTiger · 10/10/2021 07:40

Tomorrow you ring social care abs also fill then in fully about their child’s lived experience from your perspective as a neighbour

Original poster
SnitchSeeker · 10/10/2021 08:03

@CornishTiger do I ring the county one? I will definitely tell them too. I keep thinking of how scared he must have been last night and it was so late. I can emphasise how thick our house is. For us to hear them through the wall they must have been screaming at full volume.

OP posts:
CornishTiger · 10/10/2021 08:46

Yes Google your council and children safeguarding /child protection.

EmeraldShamrock · 10/10/2021 08:53

do I ring the county one? I will definitely tell them too.
I would call the police station checking if they're referring him to SS, make the call to SS too.

I keep thinking of how scared he must have been last night and it was so late.
I can emphasise how thick our house is. For us to hear them through the wall they must have been screaming at full volume.
Oh the poor child.
I'm glad you phoned the police.

SugarAndSpiceIsNice · 10/10/2021 09:11

All I've come here to say is well done @SnitchSeeker
We need more people like you to stop the horrendous crimes against children that we continue to read in the papers.

AlexaPlayBagpipes · 10/10/2021 09:36

Glad they responded quickly @SnitchSeeker

Fingers crossed little one is ok

whynotwhatknot · 10/10/2021 22:31

Did they arrrest him op

Yogawankonobi · 10/10/2021 22:34

Well done op

Original poster
SnitchSeeker · 10/10/2021 23:37

Well he hasn't been back today and neither has the child. He's usually in the pub with him from 1pm. We decided to go for a quick half before last orders and people were discussing about how he wasn't there and how maybe his child is now safe Hmm. It's big news he was arrested and a very well known issue he's an alcoholic.

We met our neighbours on the other side and they also reported him to the police last night and they've never done that before so it must have been bad and proves it want in my head.

I hope to god he's safe (the child)

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 11/10/2021 11:38

oh thats good news he will be safe now op

DuvetDayIsEveryDay · 11/10/2021 12:13

Good for you OP, I know it's difficult to do (even if there would be no reproductions) because of the doubt in our brain.

No need to tell Children's service as the police would have done that but might be worth giving their MASH team a call incase they need to clarify any information with you.