Please help. Children & broken sleep.

[Temphelp]

Hi… I’m stuck. I don’t know how to deal with this but it’s really affecting my mental health and making me angry at my child even though I don’t blame her and I know it isn’t her fault, it’s just the behaviour(?) that upsets me so much.

DD is 6. Never been a bad sleeper but definitely a disturbed one.

Pretty sure she has night terrors, she wakes up crying uncontrollably and won’t calm down at ALL. Nothing works. Eventually I bring her into my own bed and pat her gently until she sleeps. Nothing helps the process. I tried talking to her during the crying a few times and she’ll answer but won’t be actually awake, won’t respond properly and just cries in a way that makes my stomach hurt.

It usually takes a battle to make her sleep. She has no daily naps, usually awake by 8am latest, sleeps around 8pm but sometimes hits 9pm (due to her fighting against the sleep urge) but won’t want to sleep at night. It takes a long time to settle her. Lots of stories, talking, back scratching, shushing, and so on.

She’s literally crying right now in bed and DH is attempting to settle her. 15min passed and still crying in that annoying rage-inducing way, it hurts my head and upsets me. I can’t explain it but it’s affecting me mentally and making me despise bedtime.

Should I go to the GP?
Is there some medicine/treatment for the night terrors etc.?
Is there something that will make her sleep more comfortably?

No additional needs or any special cases. Just a little girl - who is sweet as pie for what it’s worth - that hates sleeping and fights against it and gives me broken sleep every single night.

Your feelings are completely normal. I used to feel angry at my DD and ao anxious when she would cry.

My dd is a lot younger. I never did the cry it out method but also I wouldn't jump to every noise.

Could you possibly keep going in after a minute or two, comforting. But no talking and then leave. Repeat over. I had the sake advise to not talk but stroke slightly for a minute and then leave.

It was horrendous but it really did work. I was letting her know I was there but that it was bed time. The absolute worse thing we could do was try and wait till she was sleeping. It is difficult but it really does pay off. Especially as your daughter is 6 and definitely understands bedtime

What is your bed time routine ?.

We do bath time half six. Then move to the bedroom. Half hour of dimmed lights and very quiet talk and a story. We make sure sure setting is right.

If she's six years old then have you tried talking to her about this during the daytime? What does she say? I certainly think it's unusual for a child of that age to struggle so much with going to sleep so it may be worth talking to your doctor just in case.

I have tried talking to her, yes. She’s very ‘shrug and mumble’ about it, doesn’t really take it seriously and I don’t think she remembers any of it either. She does know that she wants to come into my bed and doesn’t like being left alone, but at night that isn’t what she asks for. It’s just her crying uncontrollably and not totally in her senses, like she’s having a bad dream basically.

Her younger brother is a MUCH better sleeper but he also wakes up crying in a similar way, I assume night terrors too? But he doesn’t fight sleep as much so isn’t as problematic.

DD6 is just… it’s terrible sometimes. I heard once that magnesium helps with better sleep, anyone heard of this?

Also thank you @Faith1991 that’s reassuring and helpful. I guess leaving her to sleep herself is an idea, but tbh I think she would just sit there keeping herself awake by fiddling around and being fussy, as she’s done many times before. Also at night I feel like if I let her keep crying then (1) it’s difficult for me and (2) literally the whole house would wake up, and probably the neighbours too.

I just don’t know what to do.

Night terrors are horrendous. Don't get her out of bed or anything just watch to make sure it's passed. They normally happen in the first sleep cycle so 45 mins after they have gone to bed.

Dts had them until around 8yo. Dts have never been long sleepers at the moment they are bed at 2100, up at 0615, age ten. Some kids don't sleep as long.

You're pretty sure she has nightmares. What’s causing them? Something she watched,saw,heard from a friend?
Try to get to the root of it. Is she awake when she’s crying? Take her away and try to speak to her what did she dreamed of.

DS1 was happy to sleep on his own until out of a sudden he felt alienated so we swapped beds. Now he’s 9 and he sleeps on his own.
DS2 has autism so it’s a bit more complicated.
Both of my kids always had story/cuddle/lullaby and reassurance but there was no dicking about with the bedtime. No 10 stories,laying with a child until it’s asleep,countless drinks/toilet visits/reasons to get out of the bed.

This doesn't sound like night terrors (luckily I might add) but she could have bad dreams or something. But you should talk to her again and not let her shrug it off/downplay it. Maybe even talk to a psychologist to get to the bottom of it if she isn't willing to talk to you ..

Does she cry too when she has sleepover at a grandparents/friends house?

@Temphelp my daughter often babbles herself to sleep and finally at a stage where she seems to really enjoy it. Like us I suppose we can't just shut our eyes and sleep we tend to think a little first.

It definitely is difficult. I don't mean cry it out at all. Just not jumping so quickly and keep going in to reassure her but don't stay too long.

Have you tried a gro clock? Fantastic reviews on amazon. Never tried one but mines to young to understand. It will help explain it to your little one. Best of luck

Both of my boys have night terrors and the NHS website advises against interacting with them. They don't recognise you when they are having a night terror so they are writhing to try and get away from you and it takes them longer to calm down. They recommend you are ensure they are safe but you don't interact with them. I know it goes against all of your natural instincts but it works with ours and they calm down much quicker and don't remember it the next day. They are also more likely to have a night terror if they get over tired. www.nhs.uk/conditions/night-terrors/

Lots of good advice re night terrors.

Re the fighting bedtime, she might not need to go to bed at 8 if she’s not up til 8 or a bit before? Some six year olds don’t need 11-12 hours.

If the fighting is anxiety / struggling to switch brain off related then could you try audio books / guided children’s meditation etc so she has something to listen to?

I hope it settles down, we have it the other side with a horrendously early rising 5 year old so I feel your pain

I used to have these and they went away on their own at about age 6. I don't remember any of them but I still occasionally get sleep paralysis which is terrifying and I do wonder if they are somehow linked.

No advice but know it stops at some point.

Would she lie in bed and listen to an audiobook? Hopefully she would drift off, and it might break the pattern of having a bedtime fight. Would you consider sitting with her while she drops off for a while if it helps?

Night terrors are really horrible for everyone.