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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Wedding doubts?

17 replies

coldfeetmaybe · 09/10/2021 21:07

Me and DP been together 7 years, got engaged pretty early, had a disabled daughter along the way so haven't been the easiest of times. Last year we decided it's time for something to look forward to and started planning our wedding.

Not sure if this is relevant but we both own houses, he rents his out and lives in mine, but recently he keeps talking about his credit and he is desperate to buy another house so his children have more room (age 10&11), they share a room at the minute. I haven't asked but there doesn't seem to be any talk of anything for our daughter, no adaptations like are at my house, I've thought I'm thinking too much of it and of course we'll all be moving together.

Eating dinner with his children this evening, 11 year old says "I don't think dad wants to marry you anymore" I said "oh right" and then 10 year old said "He keeps asking us if we're sure we want him to marry you and we keep telling him yes but he won't stop asking" I just didn't say anything and looked at him but he didn't lift his head from eating.

This is it isn't it? Or am I just over thinking?

OP posts:
Teacupsandtoast · 09/10/2021 21:09

His silence speaks volumes

DPotter · 09/10/2021 21:12

So sorry - I know it's a cliché - but out of the mouths of babes etc.

Time to sit him down and ask him what's going on.

coldfeetmaybe · 09/10/2021 21:15

@Teacupsandtoast exactly. Not even a "don't be silly I'm just checking", literally nothing!

OP posts:
Patriciathestripper1 · 09/10/2021 21:17

Do his kids live with you?
If you are getting married just to have something to look forward to then don’t do it, call it iff and take control.
Wait till the kids are in bed and just have a proper heart to heart.

coldfeetmaybe · 09/10/2021 21:29

@Patriciathestripper1 We have them every weekend Friday after school - Sunday night. We wanted to get married back in 2017 but I found out I was pregnant so we delayed it, all has seemed great until now

OP posts:
Tellmeee · 09/10/2021 21:32

Oh dear. If his young children can see he doesn’t want to marry you, then it’s obvious I’m afraid.

2lsinllama · 09/10/2021 21:34

Sounds like he has been waiting for the children to bring it up so he didn’t have to start the conversation. If there was no truth in it he would have said something.
What a coward to use his children like this.

BitterTits · 09/10/2021 21:34

Do you want to marry him? He sounds like an emotional vacuum.

Frazzled2207 · 09/10/2021 21:39

Oh dear. The fact he said nothing is very worrying. Time for a very serious chat once the children are in bed.

meadowbleu · 09/10/2021 21:44

He rents his house out and lives in yours and he wants to buy another house but isn't keen on marrying you.

Protect your assets for your daughter and let him fund his own lifestyle is my advice.

ShuddaBeenMe · 10/10/2021 09:21

What a pig not to even lift his head.

Croprotationinthe14thcentury · 10/10/2021 18:56

This is so sad to read op I'm so sorry. Hope you have the strength to tell him to do one and f off.

Mooloolabababy · 10/10/2021 19:37

His silence does speak volumes op. It's time for a proper conversation about it. How would you be affected if you were to break up? Do you think your child's disability is one of the reasons for his reluctance to get married?

Brollywasntneededafterall · 10/10/2021 19:51

He is pushing his dc to say no so he can use their feelings to back out Imo.

Shoxfordian · 10/10/2021 20:09

He didn’t even react
Tells you everything

luckylavender · 10/10/2021 20:22

I don't think that just because the children said that that it's automatically true. Children lie, make things up, misunderstand.

2lsinllama · 10/10/2021 20:34

@luckylavender

I don't think that just because the children said that that it's automatically true. Children lie, make things up, misunderstand.
But if that were the case surely he would have said something to them?
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