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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Have you ever regretted ending a friendship?

48 replies

WomanStanleyWoman · 09/10/2021 17:05

I was flicking through my Facebook memories earlier and spotted a comment from someone who’d blocked me years ago. I found it odd as, when she blocked me, all her comments and likes on my newsfeed automatically disappeared, so I wondered why I could see this one. I clicked her name and sure enough, I’m no longer blocked - although she’s made no attempt at contact.

I’ve no interest in renewing the friendship, but I am curious as to why she suddenly went to the effort of unblocking me years later. It got me thinking, as there are only a few people in life that I’ve actively cut out, and I’ve never regretted that. To me, it takes a lot to do that. There are one or two friendships in my life that I let drift, and that I regret, but I just can’t see wanting to resume relations with someone I actively prevented from getting in touch.

Have you ever dropped a friend and regretted it?

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/10/2021 20:47

I have a friend I broke up with which I don’t regret as there wasn’t another way, but I do still think of her and miss her. I wrote her a long message that had needed sending for years and when I reread it a few years later as I was considering contacting her but I saw I could have been a bit kinder and I understand why she never got back to me.

gwenneh · 09/10/2021 20:51

I have dropped two people, neither of which I regret. Both were very unequal and demanded time and energy from me that I have now put towards my family.

In both occasions there was no need to announce a departure, I simply blocked numbers, removed from social media, and moved on.

user1000000000009 · 09/10/2021 21:05

I've dropped several.

Each of them turned out to be people I didn't recognise and the bitching and backstabbing just isn't my thing.

thefirstmrsrochester · 09/10/2021 21:08

Ended a 15 year old friendship, some regrets for the very many good times, but essentially I ended up being ‘controlled’ by friend, and the bad outweighed the good and I had to get out for my own sanity.

MondeoFan · 09/10/2021 21:15

I have no boundaries so don't really drop or block people but people have blocked me, Un -friended me or drifted away in the past. Sometimes they pop into my head sometimes I never think of them

FluffyTeddyBear · 09/10/2021 21:56

There’s one I dream about.

It felt right at the time but maybe it wasn’t. Too late now.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 09/10/2021 22:04

Sort of. Or at least I wish I had gone about it differently, by fading out rather than saying why I never wanted to meet up.

I really liked this friend, but the same problems kept recurring and it wasn't going to change... I regret that the friendship ended, but I think it was inevitable.

ThePontiacBandit · 09/10/2021 23:05

@FluffyTeddyBear

There’s one I dream about.

It felt right at the time but maybe it wasn’t. Too late now.

I dream about a friend I cut contact with quite often! She popped up on Facebook but I waited to see if she’d add me…she didn’t. Thing is, the reasons I cut contact haven’t changed (she was not their for me when one of my parents was dying/after they’d died and was always wrapped up with her boyfriends) so I concluded it was probably best just to leave it.

bananaboats · 09/10/2021 23:17

Funny people saying about the dreams, I fell out with school friends after we left school and I dreamt about them for years after, they still pop up in my dreams now. Don't regret cutting contact with them though.

earsup · 09/10/2021 23:17

No....ditched and blocked an ex colleague and friend about 3 years ago....she lives about 5 miles away....still avoid her area...was out with friend last week....walking along and saw her so dived into nearest front garden and hid until she had passed....!!...luckily she never saw me as was in deep conversation with a man....i was tired of being used as a counsellor for all her trivial life and money problems...so draining...

Helporhindrance07 · 09/10/2021 23:37

No. I have cut 2 friends out, one was 100% the right decision and whilst I missed her company at the time I don’t miss the drama that went with it which was starting to affect my home life. The other… was a sad outcome but couldn’t be helped really and whilst I regret what happened I don’t regret making the decision to cut them out. They tried to get in touch with me once a few years later but I ignored the contact because nothing had changed.

Saoirse82 · 09/10/2021 23:41

I've cut out 3 good friends over the years for different reasons, I've never regretted it for a minute. I can remember some of our times together with fondness but over all I honestly haven't missed any of them.

myadhdusername · 09/10/2021 23:47

There actually is one. I am guilty of cutting people off if they annoy me and there is just one that I regret. She wasn’t perfect as a friend but the good outweighed the bad.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 09/10/2021 23:52

I ended a friendship just this year. I just confronted it head on, didn't ghost or anything.

She was backstabbing, and I told it to her straight and never to contact me again

No regrets

Recommend doing the same to anyone struggling. State the issue full on. It's better than any kind of loosey goosey pretending nothings wrong and just hoping you never see them again.

caketiger · 10/10/2021 02:44

Yes And no. 2 major friendships of many years gone. One about five years ago and one this year.
After the first it took a long time of feeling sad but it was the right thing to do. My life is better without them in it.

The most recent we had grown apart over the pandemic and our values were just eons apart. I do feel sad about it every day but its probably for the best.

Original poster

WomanStanleyWoman · 10/10/2021 04:07

@bananaboats

This is interesting. I have frequently dreamed of a friend I’m still officially in contact with, but who has drifted from my life quite significantly.

OP posts:

Spidey66 · 10/10/2021 04:28

I ended a friendship because I got fed up with her lies. She has I suspect fictitious disorder (used to be called Manchausen disorder) and was forever saying she had cancer, allegations she had been assaulted). A year later I buckled and invited her to my wedding but she failed to RSVP to my parents. I few months after that my dad died and wrote her a letter suggested we make it up but realised I was emotional due to bereavement and didn't s end it. That was 25 years ago. No regrets.

Avmutual friend who fell out with her in the same incident did a FB search and she seems ok which I'm pleased with but have desire to be part of her life or lies.

Spidey66 · 10/10/2021 04:34

Sorry. For typos. I have a broken arm and am typing left handed. Honest.its why I'm up at 4am my painkillers have run out and I ha d to take more

My recent pots will back me up! I'm not recreating our old fship!

PermanentTemporary · 10/10/2021 04:51

I can't think of a friendship I have actively ended but there are lots I don't maintain very well. Also a few I regret ever following on FB because we're not really friends but I don't want to do anything noticeable like block them, and this shows why!

ThePontiacBandit · 10/10/2021 10:05

Spidey welcome to the broken limb club - I broke my leg 5 weeks ago 🤦🏻‍♀️

fargo123 · 11/10/2021 21:53

No, I don't have any regrets over the people I've cut out of my life, whether they be friends or family. It's a result of their own actions/poor decisions, and I have better things to do with my life than put up with their shit.

Spidey66 · 13/10/2021 19:47

@ThePontiacBandit

Spidey welcome to the broken limb club - I broke my leg 5 weeks ago 🤦🏻‍♀️

4 weeks post accident and 2 weeks post surgery for me. Im now bionic!

IComeInPeace · 13/10/2021 20:37

I had really poor boundaries and very poor conflict resolution skills and i cut off a childhood friend. I do regret it. I was too much of a giver and she thoughtlessly not cruelly or abusively "took".

I do regret how i handled it. She wasnt bad. She just took advantage of me and i let her

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