To escape to the sun for Christmas

[Chicci1]

We host my family every year for Christmas. My parents along with my brother and sister (who are single) have come to ours for the past seven years. We have young children and I’ve found it increasingly difficult and a bit frustrating as my siblings sit back and wait to be served. We have flights booked to Tenerife this year and haven’t told anyone yet because of the guilt. To be honest our main reason to go is to just do something different for Christmas as I don’t see any other way to break the pattern we’ve fallen into. I feel so guilty though not having my parents on Christmas Day. We’re taking their only grandchildren away and it will only be my parents and two siblings together on Christmas Day. It will be a boring day for them and I know my dm in particular will be very disappointed. I feel though if I don’t do something different now, I’ll never get out of hosting! I’m also feeling a bit guilty for bringing my small kids to a holiday apartment at Christmas time as they might prefer the magic at home.

Do whatever you want for Xmas. Its your holiday too. But tell them soon so they can start making their own arrangements.

DON'T FEEL GUILTY! Go and have a wonderful time. Take paper chains and/or other disposable decorations and decorate your apartment. Father Christmas will still find your children, and you can have presents in two stages, one on holiday and one at home. You can see the rest of your family when you get home.

To paraphrase Susie Orbach, The Magic of Christmas is a Feminist Issue.

There's almost always a woman who has to spend the best part of two months turning into a festive project manager, planning meals, buying presents, sending cards, baking and roasting and generally toiling.

These days you also have the social media pressure for increasingly elaborate Magical Christmas set pieces (Christmas Eve boxes, themed pyjamas, movie nights, elf on the bloody shelf) where before an advent calendar and a stocking with some chocolate coins and a new toothbrush was fine.

All that work, and most of the credit for Christmas is given to two fictional men.

The guilt you are feeling is part of the scam, OP. Tenerife sounds bloody brilliant, and I bet your kids will love it.

We used to travel overseas sometimes at Christmas when I was under 7. My parents used to have a letter from Santa do say that he'd left our big presents at home to save us carrying them on the plane - we then had round 2 at home. But don't get dragged in to cooking the turkey for parents/siblings on the round 2 day...

*To paraphrase Susie Orbach, The Magic of Christmas is a Feminist Issue.

There's almost always a woman who has to spend the best part of two months turning into a festive project manager, planning meals, buying presents, sending cards, baking and roasting and generally toiling.*

I love this and may frame it ! I have this very morning had a "marital discussion" about some of this shit. Long story but basically we have gone from turning up at my parents on Xmas day, to hosting D's for 3 days. DH seems to think this will just happen and I am:
a) Over thinking it
b) A control freak

For wanting to get a few things sorted

Why are you worrying about putting other people's wants over yours? Do they run their life choices by you? Any parents worth their salt would want their DC to do what makes them happy. Your parents may be disappointed but their reaction will be very telling about the sort of people they are.
Don't fall into the trap of being guilt trapped, that's very risky as they age and will come to expect you to amend your behaviours to suit them.

BTW I work FT and am working up to and including Xmas Eve, we have 2 teenagers.

Yanbu, at all, agree you should tell them soon tho.

Why not suggest one of your siblings hosts next year.

Sorry to hijack thread OP enjoy the sun.

You are not unreasonable.

We used to have an audio book of The More The Merrier, based on the family Christmas. It was hilarious, but oh so true.

Do it, but be warned, there will be sulking from family. We did it in 2018 and told everyone as early as June/July that we were thinking of it and asked them if they would be too upset.

No, no they all said... wonderful opportunity, do it while the flights are a good price etc, we will be fine.

Come December... We can't believe you are going away and leaving us all at CHRISTMAS!! Accusations of being uncaring bla bla.

Never again. Can't cope with the fall out.

Oh I'm so jealous! Enjoy!

We have gone on holiday for a week from 27th December a few times . I think it's a good compromise between spending Christmas Day at home so you can see extended family members and your DC get the chance to open all their presents at home . Then a week of sun .

One thing to bear in mine id you did want Christmas Day abroad is transporting DC presents in your luggage restrictions .

Think it's a lot easier to do it afterwards. We also had a pared down Christmas Day at home because I chose not to buy endless food that may go off.

Go for it! I agree with those saying tell them soon, though. They’ll moan either way, but at least if you tell them now they can’t legitimately complain they’ve had no time to organise an alternative. (They’ll still do it, but you’ll know it’s just smoke-blowing, whereas if you fess up on 1 December, you’ll worry they have a point.)

Go for it. DH and I always went away for Christmas before having dc.This year we are flying out on he 27th December to Thailand for 14 days and cannot wait.

Wouldn’t it be easier just to say that you want a break from hosting xmas and who’s taking over this year? Adding in the holiday risks muddling two things a) your frustration at being landed with all the work for 7 years - you’re on rock-solid ground here and b) wanting to spend xmas away from your family - which is trickier ground.

There’s a risk that next year you’re double-treble guilt-tripped into hosting a magical bells and whistles xmas.