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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s just a case of getting through the day…

30 replies

Barkinginthedistance · 09/10/2021 15:37

With toddlers/young children?

Do you ever relax? What do you do at weekends?
Adore Dd, 3, but am often counting down until 7pm.
I remember the old weekends..going back in the archives and actually resting/relaxing/watching films, lazing on the sofa if we wished..now, it’s all go..always..is it the same for everyone?

OP posts:
Mull · 09/10/2021 15:48

You’re in the eye of the storm, it feels never ending. I remember it well but it does change. Mine are now 11 and 9 and live is much more relaxing 😃

Original poster
Barkinginthedistance · 09/10/2021 15:52

@Mull Reassuring! What sort of age did you notice a difference, where things were a little more relaxing? And why?

OP posts:
Poptart4 · 09/10/2021 15:52

Yep definitely been there. I remember the last half hour between 6.30 - 7 would drag by. Longest half hour of my life. It does get easier.

Although you can still have a lazy day. I would put cartoons on for my 3y old and watch my phone while lying on the sofa. Obviously wouldn't do it every weekend but one Sunday in a blue moon doesn't hurt.

Mammaaof · 09/10/2021 15:53

My DS is 7 and DD 4 it's definitely much more relaxing in the last 6 months x

Cocomarine · 09/10/2021 15:53

When mine was 3, doing things with her was my relaxation. For example - going swimming.
But before children, if I had “me time” I’d be more likely to organise a sports activity that watch a film.

She’s a teen now, and I really miss all the time we had together - cos she sure as hell doesn’t want to spend all day with me now!

AttaGirrrrl · 09/10/2021 15:55

Do you have a partner? It definitely gets easier, but if you’re able to leave her for an hour or so every weekend to go for a run, or sit in a cafe with a coffee and a book, the intense times will feel more bearable.

Mull · 09/10/2021 15:55

I’d say when my youngest was 6ish?? They could be in a room without you and DD really got into Lego playing by herself. Suddenly had time on our hands at the weekend! That has now been filled with sport that they want to do but never mind!!

Olivegreenstrawberries · 09/10/2021 15:56

Yes! I'm so bored. I'm with 4 and 1 year old. They are making a massive mess. 4 year doesn't want to go to park and I don't want to force it. I'm just counting down the time until bed time and stuffing my face with cake when no one is looking. I don't enjoy play dates as the one year old is too much of a handful I'm too stressed to be sociable when I'm looking after him. This morning I had some childfree time and had coffee with a friend now it's my turn with the boys as hubby is out. It's soooo dull.

Pinkstegosaurus · 09/10/2021 15:58

3year old and tiny one here, I feel you! I’ve been trying to clean my bathroom for hours! Can’t wait to settle down with a glass of white and a bowl of peanuts in the bath as soon as I’ve launched the biggest one into bed Grin

MagnusMagnusson · 09/10/2021 16:08

Was thinking of coming onto Mumsnet today to post the exact same thing. I have a 3 year old and 6 year old and it's never ending. i have started to get quite overwhelmed with all their noise and mess of late. It got so bad at lunchtime today that I had to leave them with DH and go and sit in another room. 3 year old gets grumpy and tantrums quite a lot, it's so very tiring. We tend to go out on a sunday for the day, Saturday their dad takes them to the park whilst I do some chores. Whilst I love the slower pace of the weekend the amount of noise and mess that they/it brings is challenging. Favourite day of the week is Monday when both at school/nursery. Never thought it was possible to love Mondays so much :-) Feel your pain OP Flowers

arethereanyleftatall · 09/10/2021 16:11

Exdh took it in turns to go out. Lifesaver.

I found life got much easier firstly at 8 - being able to pop out for ten minutes or just say 'wait for me after football, I'll be a bit late' was a big step to freedom. Second massive step is secondary schools. They go within days to not needing you any more, it's lush.

Oh - and this isn't open to everyone, but, getting divorced - I get a completely free weekend now every other, lush.

Fernando072020 · 09/10/2021 16:18

We've a 15 month old. We're all ill this weekend so have been inside all day, it's not too bad really as we're taking turns with DS so the other can relax, but I do miss the old days where we could snuggle up on the sofa with the downie and watch movies when ill!

When we're well, we just get out the house and go for a nice walk or something. Nights are still unpredictable because I'm either back to DS every 45 minutes or I can get my whole evening..it just depends. I feel stressed knowing I may not even be able to relax in the evening. But in general I actually enjoy day times with him.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/10/2021 16:19

Noticed a massive jump just after my Ds (youngest) turned 7. Things are pretty relaxing now.

Dragonpox · 09/10/2021 16:23

Weekends are hellish, I mean we do fun things and there are nice moments but it's gruelling with 2dc under 6. Day starts at 5am, hours of time to fill. We long for bedtime and Monday morning is blissful.

Original poster
Barkinginthedistance · 09/10/2021 16:25

I’m actually skiving upstairs sat on the bed, under the ruse of cleaning 🤣I never do and Dp gets away with it enough times. I have actually cleaned all bathrooms and bedrooms and hoovered, need to mop now, but have been having breaks and sitting down in between

OP posts:
Original poster
Barkinginthedistance · 09/10/2021 16:28

@Dragonpox I was thinking with two it may be easier in terms of them playing with one another? Dd demands alllll our attention. We always get out and about and do lots of fun things, but it’s knackering! I miss just being able to just ‘Be’
Play date tomorrow with friends and lunch out so that should take up a chunk of the day

OP posts:
Original poster
Barkinginthedistance · 09/10/2021 16:28

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing Was that because he was able to entertain himself a little more? Dd never wants to play alone

OP posts:
LosingMySh1t · 09/10/2021 16:31

My oldest is 7. Peace is here.

Youngest is 4. Still not relaxing.

Don't want to wish the years away, but I kind of am.

Dragonpox · 09/10/2021 16:34

They do play together but they either fall out or do stuff the youngest can't do etc. Or they gang up and decide to pull out all the food in the cupboard or steal ice cream from the freezer and leave a trail of destruction. It's literally like having Thing 1 and Thing 2 in the house. We try and get out a lot as a result but my toddler usually has a meltdown at some point and is very naughty in restaurants (climbs on the table, runs off, throws food, basically just feral) so that restricts us when the weather is bad. Screen time doesnt help at all do we just have to get through with reading all day, puzzles, lots of den building, standing in cold garden pretending to be a pirate with them.

Brysonette · 09/10/2021 16:37

Age 3 was pretty hellish here but 4 going on 5 is a revelation! Much more independent and we would be able to relax a lot more if it wasn't for the 1 year old....

Fdksyihfd · 09/10/2021 16:39

I know what you mean! My DD is now 4.5 and I can already see the massive difference from a year ago; when I’m just with her I can give her some focused time or go out to do something then read my book for a bit or watch something on tv (even if I am often interrupted) to relax after while she plays. I also have a one year old so it’s rare I get to do that as he’s full on and between the two of them I barely get a second but I can see that when he’s older it’ll be easier

whatswithtodaytoday · 09/10/2021 16:40

Yes. I only have one nearing 3 year old, but I find it exhausting. He's recently started having proper angry tantrums rather than emotional outbursts, and it feels like everything is a negotiation with a bomb. I need time on my own to really relax, and I basically never get it.

I don't know when/how I'm supposed to do big cleaning jobs? I end up using annual leave to do things like clean the bathroom properly (e.g. take everything out and clean every surface, needs doing every three months or so but doesn't get done) or clean the windows. My wardrobe needs a sort out as I've run out of space, but when do I do something like that? My DP will take our child or for an hour or so, but it's not enough time.

I feel like if I just had half a day a week to myself I'd be absolutely fine.

Ginger1982 · 09/10/2021 16:43

Yup, DS is 4, DH is leaving very early on a work trip tomorrow and Sunday is stretching before me...

I try to get out as much as possible. DS has a class tomorrow morning and then thinking we will try the cinema for the first time (could be good or bad!) Thankfully DS quite enjoys looking at maps on his tablet so we do get a bit of 'sit down' time!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/10/2021 16:43

Yes, can entertain himself more. And can jsut do more things - cycle, swim independently, carry a tray if we’re in a cafe - lots of things.

Just got to the point of seeming like his own separate person if that makes sense!

skodadoda · 09/10/2021 16:45

Is dd not going to preschool or nursery. This usually gives structure to some days. I guess weekends can be hard but outside activities eg park if weather permits. Trip to a child friendly cafe; garden centres often have an area for soft play. I do appreciate it can be tough.