Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Playtime

35 replies

Mynameiaeiro · 09/10/2021 15:10

Hello my husband never plays with our son and me. Its always me doing the playtime which I love. Its the weekend now and my husband is downstairs watching things on his computer. Any advice please

OP posts:
Original poster
Mynameiaeiro · 09/10/2021 15:11

Our little baby is 6 months old and he'd rather watch television and play games rather than spend time with his son especially on the weekends knowing he works all week

OP posts:
TumtumTree · 09/10/2021 15:12

Some people find unstructured play difficult. Would it be easier for him to do something more 'organised' such as take your son swimming or to the playground?

Jk987 · 09/10/2021 15:16

How old is your child? Even though you find playtime enjoyable it must be exhausting if your husband just leaves you to it. My other half loves gaming and I had to insist that we go out somewhere as a family at least once over the weekend. It took a while but it's much better now. Your husband can also take your child out without you and give you a break.

Original poster
Mynameiaeiro · 09/10/2021 15:18

He never wants to go out even for a walk. He'd rather sit inside and play games or watch tv. He's never played with our baby on his own.

OP posts:
ThePotatoCroquette · 09/10/2021 15:19

I wouldn't have a problem with him not wanting to play the baby, but I would have a massive problem with him opting out of parenting and family life like that. At 6 months not everyone knows how to play with kids, but he should be taking a part in the day to day parenting stuff when he's off, and also wanting to spend family time even if he's not hands on with the baby particularly he should want to be spending time as a family as the barest minimum.

Jk987 · 09/10/2021 15:21

I'm sure your husband wants to watch tv - don't we all! But life has changed now and he needs to step up. It might just be taking him longer to adjust to family life but he can't live the life he had before. It won't be this intense for long.

Original poster
Mynameiaeiro · 09/10/2021 15:27

It just hurts me that we never have time together to enjoy family playtime. He can play games when the baby is sleeping. Yet he chooses to not play with our baby

OP posts:
tellmeslowlyandclearly · 09/10/2021 17:57

My DH is like this still, always in another room. He's now cooking dinner to avoid playing with the kids. My DS is 5 now and when we had DD I thought he might take DS to a sports training once a week for some father son time. Nope he refused to go without me ( that is DH not DS) It's like he doesn't have it in him to do anything that he doesn't want to. Yet he'll Guff and puff if I'm on my phone, hypocrite.

My only advice is show him how to play and go out, but this doesn't mean he'll not just sit your baby infront of the screen.

seaandsandcastles · 09/10/2021 18:19

Have you spoken to him about it? I presume he’s not a mind reader.

Original poster
Mynameiaeiro · 09/10/2021 21:34

Yeah I have spoke to him but I don't seem to get anywhere.

OP posts:
Kite22 · 09/10/2021 21:39

I have managed to raise 3 to adulthood without having to arrange "family playtime". Really, there is only so much interacting a 6 month old can do.

OTOH, I am not sure why he thinks it is okay to opt out of parenting.

Doesn't he play with him when it is bath time, or when you leave the baby with him when you are doing something else?

Thehogfatherstolemycurry · 09/10/2021 21:47

Do you mean specifically that he doesn't want to play, e.g. things like peekaboo or whatever? Some people don't like playing.
If you mean he's not doing his share of parenting then that's not ok.

Original poster
Mynameiaeiro · 09/10/2021 22:35

Hi doesn't play with him like peek a boo. He does cuddle and is the perfect dad. I just wish he would play with the three of us not just ds and myself.

OP posts:
seaandsandcastles · 10/10/2021 10:54

@Mynameiaeiro

Hi doesn't play with him like peek a boo. He does cuddle and is the perfect dad. I just wish he would play with the three of us not just ds and myself.
Of course he’s not the perfect dad Confused Perfect dads play and want to spend time with their family, not pretend to be a single bachelor.
Waspsarearseholes · 10/10/2021 11:06

How is he the perfect dad? It sounds like he avoids his wife and baby by opting to play on/watch screens. This isn't even close to being a perfect dad.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/10/2021 11:11

Did he want this baby?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 10/10/2021 11:21

Does he feed, change, cuddle, baby? Settle him at night, bath him and talk to him?

A lot of people don't play as such with babies. Plenty of people have zero imagination for non structured play, but happily play board games, read with, kick a ball about with etc.

GTAlogic · 10/10/2021 11:31

Tbh I never really played with my dc when they were that age. I held them and talked to them but otherwise just let them lie on the floor whilst I got on with things around them or, as your dh, watched TV and read.

So long as he interacts with your dc and takes care of their needs, it's fine. Playing doesn't come naturally to a lot of people.

GTAlogic · 10/10/2021 11:33

Take him downstairs to be in the same room as him and just be together that way.

Janaih · 10/10/2021 12:01

Giving him the huge benefit of the doubt, some people (usually men!) Struggle to bond with babies until they get a bit more interactive.
However he should be doing his share of feeding, changing, bathing etc and just having eye contact and a bit of a chat as a bare minimum.
Are you going back to work after maternity leave OP?

JSL52 · 10/10/2021 12:47

Family playtime ??Confused

QforCucumber · 10/10/2021 13:37

I have a 5 year old and a 16 month old, and have never had 'family playtime'

I struggle to play with babies, I just dont really get it and feel awkward. I dont see an issue with that tbf

Rosesareyellow · 10/10/2021 13:41

Hardly the perfect Dad, that’s setting the standards very low.
Sounds like a sad couch potato. Which is fine if it’s just you, not if you never engage with your kids.

TurnUpTurnip · 10/10/2021 13:44

Tbf I would rather watch tv than play with a 6 month old 😴

DeepaBeesKit · 10/10/2021 13:54

How do you even play with a 6m old? They are quite boring, they don't do much. "Playing" basically consists of you waving stuff at them/helping them grab stuff.

Why not just go out and do things you both enjoy and take baby along? By the time the baby is 1 or 2 it gets harder and they need more entertaining, at 6m they can people watch/listen to you chat in cafes, enjoy a walk in the pram or enjoy going in a baby float at the swimming pool.

Yanbu to want your DH to get involved more in spending time with your child without giving all his attention to a computer game, but it doesnt have to be "playing".