How to deal with unfolding work nightmare

[Burger223344]

I’ve fucked up and my boss kind of knows.

The full extent and impact of the problems will only become clear to clients week by week over the next 4 weeks and then each week until Christmas

I’ve basically got some numbers wrong and many people have acted on that information and soon they will find out

The knowledge of what I’ve done, what is going to happen and how people will feel let down and unhappy is killing me inside - I can’t sleep, can’t eat, feel sick and panicky all the time. I can’t carry on like this for the next 6 weeks (I think people will see the full extent by then)

What can I do? How do I get this under control? I just want to run away. Please help!

Dealing with the anxiety while you wait and see how bad the impact will be- that's always hard. There's no way around it.

However, the reason it's gone wrong matters.

Was it because it's a complicated job, and sometimes things will be missed?
Was it a judgement, and you made the wrong call?
Was it because you were overtasked, and had to work faster than would allow you to be thorough?

Those kinds of mistakes are part of life, or part of a broken system. Not anyone's fault, just one of those things. Be disappointed but don't beat yourself up. Look and see what systems could be different to avoid the same situation in future.

Was it because you were sleeping/ drinking on the job/enjoying the bantz and cookies too much to do your job properly? You need strategies to make sure you focus properly in future, and some pain and misery now may help you learn that bit better!!

So work out how it happened and act accordingly.

Ah, OK, apologies, OP - your boss knows.

Well, tbh, if they are not making changes or mitigating the impact and they know about your error, I would suggest it is nowhere near as bad as you think.

They know, their choice not to change anything- breathe.

People make mistakes and you did the right thing by informing your boss as soon as you realised. It sounds like your boss is being supportive of you. It doesn’t sound like there’s anything more you can do for the time being. Try to get through the next few weeks as best you can. Getting stressed about it will only make matters worse. Make every effort not to slip up again and take it as a lesson learned. We’ve all been there.

Goodness me, the way to deal with it is to let everyone know the problem.as soon as possible along with a plan of how you will correct it and how soon.
Even if.theu have acted on the information, they may be able to roll back some.of.tbose decisions if they know about the error soon enough..

They will be annoyed and inconvenienced but nothing like as much as they only find out bit by bit over the next six weeks

That was my ask, how do I deal with the anxiety for the next few weeks as it unfolds.

I'd make damn sure there's a paper trail demonstrating that your boss is aware of this and not bothered about it. I'd forward this to my personal email account. I don't wish to make things worse when you're already anxious but IME managers are inclined to throw more junior staff under the bus. I would want to go into any potential meetings with proof that my manager knew about the situation and did nothing.

If it helps, at some point start a different thread on MN asking for a handhold for the next 6 weeks or so.
May not always be exactly true, but the mantra a problem shared is a problem halved, works for me most times.

If your boss knows and isn’t too bothered, and thinks the wait and see is the way to handle it, then you don’t need to worry. You reported the problem to them and they don’t see it as an issue. You’re likely over thinking it.

I’m also really surprised just how many niche jobs and industries there are out there.

Everyone fucks up sometimes but I know that feeling of dread and anxiety. One thing that always helps me is to think of it in the long term - in a year will it matter? In five years? Hopefully not, and that kind of perspective can help. I now look back at mistakes I made at work and realise that although they were massively stressful at the time they are really not so important in the grand scheme of things.

[quote Burger223344]@GreyhoundG1rl - sorry to be confusing. I said my boss knows in the first post, they just don’t seem too bothered. It’s just a wait and see.

That was my ask, how do I deal with the anxiety for the next few weeks as it unfolds.

It won’t work out all fine with no impact - there will be an impact, it’s just how bad it might be. There will be some weeks where it will be worse than others but I don’t know which

If it helps, we are moving business between clients and I have had to work on the phasing but the numbers are wrong so everyone’s dates and staffing and responsibilities are messed up. There will be a cost to my business as there are different capabilities and associated costings.[/quote]
You didn't. You said your boss 'kind of knows'.

That implies they might not know the full extent.

So is your boss completely aware of everything? If so, it's down to them to help rectify as much as possible.

You need to unpick as much of this as you can, even if it takes you days. You might not be able to sort it all but every little thing you sort (or at least reduce the impact) will help and will make you look as though you have it your best shot and had the business at the forefront of your mind. You can do it! Is there anything small you can delegate whilst you do something bigger?

Detail your conversation with your boss in an email and send it to her/him... include dates and times...what you did (wrong)... and any positive suggestions you have to rectify/rescue the situation..
This is evidence you have acknowledged your error, have informed your line manager.. and it is then no longer your responsibility.
Then have a glass of wine and relax.

Its odd that your boss is adopting a wait and see attitude. What about her boss? do they know.
Do you have a union, or could you speak to an employment lawyer for advice.
As others have said, write down and email your understanding of every conversation so you are covered.

I hate the waiting too.

I deal with it by planning. I plan for the worst and most likely outcomes. That doesn't necessarily mean doing anything much. If your boss has said you just have to wait and see then you may not have the authority to start putting anything in place but you could start to word communication for clients or investigate alternative offerings (hard to know what would be appropriate without knowing what's actually happened).

In any case, that's how I deal with the feelings of impending doom - I plan (realistically) so when we get to the next stage I'm prepared to deal with the consequences. And after I've done useful planning, I make myself move on by concentrating on other things.

So, lots of distraction - are you working on other projects? Double check those, push them forward. If this is the only project look at the other tasks you have to get done. Don't spend all your time adjusting for the mistake unless that's your whole job.

Do you have things to keep you busy in your personal life so you don't brood too much? If you get caught up in worrying about it when you're at home, develop a ritual that takes your mind off it - for example, jot down whatever you are thinking about, light a candle and put on an episode foa favourite TV show or read a chapter of a gripping novel; Go for a run and count your steps; Call a friend up and chat about their day. But deliberately stop yourself from thinking about it when there is nothing you can do. It can be hard but it's important to be firm with yourself and not just give in to the "need" to think about it.

Thank you for your responses and reassurances. I hate letting people down but I am the sort of person who prefers to just come out with bad news as it’s better to know. I think some people see me asa bit of a panicker and I should ride things out more as everything is always changing.

@picklemewalnuts I am hard working and conscientious, a worrier, I have recently been recognised by my business as a key member of the team (which just makes it worse)

There have been a lot of changes and issues partly due to COVID, partly due to systems, which have made it difficult to get accurate data. I spent months checking and rechecking. There was a date after which changes couldn’t be made as things have been set in motion. After this time I could have made more checks but have been busy with other things. I’ve returned to the project as the launch phase is imminent and realised that things are different, my numbers are wrong/have changed. They come from other teams. I could have worked closer with them to ensure I was notified of changes etc as they don’t always send updates. This is in conjunction with me missing a set of numbers completely, I just didn’t see or factor them into my calculations and have doubled up.

Thanks again, I’ll put another post out as someone suggested - thanks for that

Its odd that your boss is adopting a wait and see attitude. What about her boss? do they know

Now, I’ve seen this situation from the bosses side on many occasions. As a semi hypothetical example, my team have to do financial forecasts on how much of the Departements allocated budget we will needeach quarter.

Last year my financial planner person messaged me in a panic saying she’d screwed up. I looked at the numbers, they were slightly wrong in places, but believable so. Nothing dramatic. (She’d forgotten to add in the small sister service we run at arms length)

I took the view that the average in–year discrepancy for each team was much greater than the value of the fuck up. And I’d witnessed loads of frankly massive fuck ups by other teams.

The error stressed the poor lady out, but from my POV as manager it was nothing compared to other problems and pressures. I had to reassure her that I did understand and was taking it seriously, but that in the scheme of things it was nowt. The biggest issue it caused was the knock to her confidence. We had to really work on rebuilding that.

So, yes, i can well believe the manager is taking a relaxed approach.

Admit everything to everyone affected ASAP. We can all screw up, and the best thing you can do afterwards is immediately be transparent to everyone and even if they're annoyed, they'll appreciate you being upfront.

The worst thing you can do is try to cover it up and/or try to correct things yourself without asking anyone else if that's the right thing to do - I have seen people come a cropper when trying to clear up messes then making their employers/clients look bad.

Take a deep breath. Nothing is unfixable.

The best course of action is to go in on Monday and face this head on. Honest and open is the best way forward and hopefully damage limitation can be done.

Whatever the mistake, it's never as helpless as it seems and someone else has done far worse.

A colleague of mine escaped a DV situation and her inept social worker instead of emailing the ex to tell him he was not allowed to contact the family got her confused with another parent and sent him her full contact details - address, email, phone etc. Thankfully no one came to harm but THAT is a work nightmare - not yours - please try not to worry.

Op, - I run my own small business and have suffered horrendous anxiety and stress in the past. What I've learnt is if it's not life and death stuff it's always fixable. But being upfront and honest with people is always best and not knowing anything about the business you're in I suspect the clients affected will want to prepare for the worst. Keeping them in the dark isn't advisable. It's also worth remembering that if it's out of your control now then simply put, you're wasting energy stressing about it.

Everybody makes mistakes. Take a deep breath, and think of at least there ways to either repair or mitigate the damage. Then go to your boss and tell him/her the problem, a the same time offering your possible solutions. DON'T GO UNTIL YOU HAVE AT LEAST ONE SOLUTION!! The sooner this is addressed, the better for everyone involved. You might even find sympathy/empathy from some of your colleagues who have also cocked up at some point in their careers. Ww've all been there, it's just that we're not all strong (or honest) enough to admit it.

Oh OP looks like my example was quite close to what actually did happen?

I’d agree with pp‘s. Ensure there’s an email trail, so you can prove the boss knew. I always strongly encourage my team to do this, not that they can’t trust me (they can) but that if I get run over by a bus, it would be their protection if someone else tried to blame them in my absence.

I do keep having to reassure the team, I’m older and have worked in a greater breadth of roles than they have. And they wouldn’t believe the epic fuck ups ive witnessed, and quietly put right..

Go to the doctors and get prescribed propranolol for the next month - this medication is wonderful for reducing anxiety and will help you manage these short term feelings. You can sometimes get prescribed it online.

@Burger223344

Thank you for your responses and reassurances. I hate letting people down but I am the sort of person who prefers to just come out with bad news as it’s better to know. I think some people see me asa bit of a panicker and I should ride things out more as everything is always changing.

@picklemewalnuts I am hard working and conscientious, a worrier, I have recently been recognised by my business as a key member of the team (which just makes it worse)

There have been a lot of changes and issues partly due to COVID, partly due to systems, which have made it difficult to get accurate data. I spent months checking and rechecking. There was a date after which changes couldn’t be made as things have been set in motion. After this time I could have made more checks but have been busy with other things. I’ve returned to the project as the launch phase is imminent and realised that things are different, my numbers are wrong/have changed. They come from other teams. I could have worked closer with them to ensure I was notified of changes etc as they don’t always send updates. This is in conjunction with me missing a set of numbers completely, I just didn’t see or factor them into my calculations and have doubled up.

Thanks again, I’ll put another post out as someone suggested - thanks for that

So actually you are recognised as good at your job and a key member of the team. You did the best you could in the situation you were in. You didn't miss something because you were reading a comic under your desk, you were work hard on something else.

You did nothing wrong. There was no mistake. It was a job that didn't go as well as you'd have liked. That's all.

Some things go brilliantly, others are just 'so-so'. A few things go really badly.

It's just how things are. It's inevitable. Part of how life works.

Take a deep breath- take up yoga- but let it go.

Own it

You poor thing. I know it’s hard to say it out loud but tell your boss as soon as you can. The worst thing to do would be to let the client learn about it in dribs and drabs. You know now and the client should be fully informed as soon as possible so plans can be put in place.

I really feel for you, I have anxiety and when things go wrong at work I find it hard to switch off. I ruminate on things and feel sick. Once you tell your boss you can start to deal with it and will feel a bit better.

OP, mistakes happen all the time in the work place and unless someone has died or is likely to die as a result of your mistake then the problem can be rescued. Your company is likely to have insurance that may compensate the client for any financial loss suffered.

The important thing is to get bad news out fast and own the mistake and take steps to remedy.