Posting here for traffic. I've just left my fiancee.
I was sexually abused as a child, by a non family member, and for years I was able to disassociate from it, until recently. I can no longer stomach the idea of being intimate. I hadn't had sex with my partner in 3 months because it makes me feel seedy and wrong. I think I'm scared of men. We'd be in bed at night and he'd spooning me and he'd put his hand up my top and touch me, even after I told him why I didn't want to do any sexy stuff with him. I'd moved hours away from home, to live in the city where he lives, and effectively isolated myself.
So I left yesterday. I told him I need to get help, but won't find myself in a position to do so until I'm surrounded by family and friends in a place I know and feel safe. I also told him that I'm not out to make his life difficult and he can see our son whenever he likes, but it's most logical that DS come with me, as my partner works all sorts of night shifts, late shifts, 12 hour shifts etc, whereas my job is done from home. I told him I'll never call myself a single mum, because I'm not, our boy still has a Dad and that won't change.
Can someone please tell me if I'm an awful person.