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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'Big' Birthdays'

47 replies

itsnotmeitsu · 08/10/2021 23:05

The idea of this is something that I can't get interested in. A birthday is a birthday, whatever the age. When my husband asked me if I wanted to celebrate a so-called 'big birthday' I pointed out that the day before I was one day below the number, and the next day I was one day above it.

I was lucky enough to celebrate my 50th in Vegas, when my twin turned fifty eight hours before me, even though I was 10 minutes older than her.

I just can't understand why a birthday that ends in a 0 as you get older is something special.

OP posts:
LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 09/10/2021 22:01

But that wasnt your op. At all. You're changing it because you were ridiculous.

00100001 · 09/10/2021 23:42

@itsnotmeitsu

I can totally understand that others celebrate birthdays, even though I don't. Not sure why I'm getting abuse for hating birthdays, because of the memories they have for me.
OP: "I just can't understand why a birthday that ends in a 0 as you get older is something special."

Also OP: "I can totally understand that others celebrate birthdays, even though I don't. "

00100001 · 09/10/2021 23:44

OP: "That's why I don't celebrate them"

Also OP: "I was lucky enough to celebrate my 50th in Vegas"

Confused
FrankButchersDickieBow · 09/10/2021 23:49

So you went to Vegas for your 50th?

ThinWomansBrain · 09/10/2021 23:55

a big birthday was 12- last year I could have a clock cake :(
Some big birthdays have been when I felt like doing something special - 40th was Iceland - but the biggest party I had was my 43rd - I just felt like itthat year.

BurntO · 10/10/2021 00:15

I am sorry for your loss OP.

However you are being deliberately obtuse here. You can’t be fun at parties, that’s for sure. Life is too short to ponder over how much to celebrate a birthday. It’s a reason to have fun, take it

Happyfeet1972 · 10/10/2021 01:10

If you hate birthdays full stop, then it doesn't really matter if they end in a 0 or not. You've completely changed the whole point of your post Confused

I imagine the answer to your question is that the number 10 is significant in counting, because its considered a round number, same reason we have £10 notes and excepting £5, multiples of 10. We dont have £12 pounds. I dont think it's anything more significant than that.

MimiDaisy11 · 10/10/2021 01:12

Any excuse for a party 🥳

ReadingTeaLeaves · 10/10/2021 01:34

I have always been ambivalent to birthdays. When people I knew took their birthday off work etc (or even told work colleagues it was their birthday) I thought it was odd. And then when approaching a big birthday one friend made me think about it quite differently by pointing out, quite rightly, that you never know which of your best friends will still be around by your next birthday...or your next 'big' birthday. Whether through ill health and bereavement, moving to another country or whatever, the people you might want to celebrate a birthday with may simply not be there next time around. Might you look back and regret not getting together?

It changed my mindset and as a result I had a 'big birthday'' party that I hadn't otherwise planned to have. That party happened to take place in February 2020 and ended up being one of / the last social event together for quite a lot of my friends. I don't take these get togethers for granted any more.

Might not be for you. I totally get that. But for me, now, birthdays present an opportunity to get together with other people that might not happen otherwise (or for a long time into the future). Enjoy life when you can.

Saoirse82 · 10/10/2021 06:54

Sorry, I'm confused? Your twin turned 50 eight hours before you but you're 10 minutes older?
I'm not sure why you're getting a hard time for being in Vegas for your 50th. I just assumed when I read you celebrated your 50th in Vegas it was because you happened to be on holiday there at the time rather than specifically going for your birthday.

CrystalBuddha · 10/10/2021 06:57

@Saoirse82

Sorry, I'm confused? Your twin turned 50 eight hours before you but you're 10 minutes older? I'm not sure why you're getting a hard time for being in Vegas for your 50th. I just assumed when I read you celebrated your 50th in Vegas it was because you happened to be on holiday there at the time rather than specifically going for your birthday.
Time difference I'm going to assume - OP was in Vegas, twin was in Europe / UK
LizziesTwin · 10/10/2021 07:02

@Saoirse82Her twin celebrated her birthday in the UK/Europe which is 8 hours ahead of Las Vegas.

LizziesTwin · 10/10/2021 07:02

Sorry didn’t refresh before posting.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 10/10/2021 07:15

My friend is a mathematician. She gets giddy celebrating prime number birthdays.

Sparklybanana · 10/10/2021 08:42

Well for me there is enough shit in the word, bad news pretty much everyday. People dying, people younger than me. To reach a milestone like 40, feels like an achievement, a gift, something that is denied to people like Sarah harding. I am going to celebrate because I've achieved a lot in the last 10 years. I can wave cheerio to my pregnancy and breastfeeding years and approach my 40s with a bang and a toast to 10 more years of time that I get to spend with people I love.

Original poster
itsnotmeitsu · 10/10/2021 21:02

@Saoirse82 > confused?

'Your twin turned 50 eight hours before you but you're 10 minutes older?
I'm not sure why you're getting a hard time for being in Vegas for your 50th. I just assumed when I read you celebrated your 50th in Vegas it was because you happened to be on holiday there at the time rather than specifically going for your birthday.'

That's totally it > It was the first and only time in my life that I could be younger than my twin, as being in different countries we were in different time zones. And yes, I had no idea the holiday was going to happen; it was about my husband trying to persuade me to finally get on a plane again by springing the holiday on me. By the time the holiday came around I was going to have my 50th birthday whilst we were away.

OP posts:
Skiptheheartsandflowers · 10/10/2021 21:23

@itsnotmeitsu

I can totally understand that others celebrate birthdays, even though I don't. Not sure why I'm getting abuse for hating birthdays, because of the memories they have for me.
You're not getting abuse, you're getting questions about why as a sceptic about 'big' birthdays you went on a trip for one of your own. And since you didn't mention anything about bad memories in your first post, stop making out people are picking on that. It's big time drip feeding. But I am sorry your twin died. That must have been very hard for you.
BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 10/10/2021 21:26

@Myneighboursnorlax

This isn’t answering your question, but I was confused for a moment about how you turned 50 while your twin was turning 58… 😂
Same!
ddl1 · 31/10/2021 14:20

Well, I'm not unbiased here; but I agree with you, at least that it shouldn't be compulsory for those who don't want to. I have almost INFINITE HATRED for the whole concept of my birthday; and especially of 'big' 'significant' 'milestone' birthdays. I hate the thought of a big social fuss of the fact that I'm getting older; and especially over age-milestones. I don't lie about my age, but I don't like its being made the focus of everyone's attention. It's my impression that this is a relatively recent development: when I was a child, adults certainly celebrated their birthdays, but, after 21, didn't make it all about age-milestones; and it was considered rude to ask an adult their age. I wish we could go back to that attitude, even though I don't go in for nostalgia in most ways. Anyway, each to their own: if people wish to celebrate their own age-milestones, this should be accepted, and not shouted down as 'silly' or frivolous. But at the same time, it should be accepted that some people are truly phobic of such occasions for themselves, and are not just being coy.

ddl1 · 31/10/2021 14:30

I'm a fan of all birthdays being marked, grateful that I got another year of living while other poor bastards younger than me did not

I see that's how many people feel; but one reason that I hate these age-milestones is precisely that they're reminders of how uncertain life is, and that I've already lived longer than many people have or than I ever expected to, and that my health could be destroyed at any time (I think I'm not as afraid of death as such, as of serious long-term illness). Of course, with Covid and climate change and some horrible murders, we are already aware that life is uncertain; but to me it doesn't go with a celebration. Mind you, I always hated the focus on age, even as a child, because I associated it with 'why can't you do this at YOUR age?' as well as recognizing the uncertainty of life very early, due to spending rather too much time around hospitals.

I'm not criticizing others for enjoying birthdays; just asking people to accept it if I don't want to celebrate mine, and not put pressure on me about it.

Singinghollybob · 31/10/2021 14:54

@itsnotmeitsu if birthdays don't mean anything to you and you don't celebrate them, why mention your 50th birthday you spent in Las Vegas?
YABU not to understand why some people think birthdays are special, and why they consider some as 'big' birthdays

Original poster
itsnotmeitsu · 31/10/2021 19:11

Can't remember my post about this - but for those who've questioned it; I didn't somehow become eight years younger than my twin. I happened to be in Vegas at the time (absolutely nothing to do with my birthday - just coincidence), and because there the time difference was eight hours, for the only time in my life my twin sister was older than me. And, in theory, I didn't turn 50 for several hours after she did.

OP posts:
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