To think my career is over?

[HireStarter]

NC for confidentiality.

A few years back I was made redundant whilst on maternity leave. For a variety of reasons I decided to stay home with the kids.

It's been 2-3 years and I'm now looking to re-enter my career on a part time basis but am struggling to find any opportunities in my field. There are LOADS full-time but very few part-time and those that do exist aren't near me or pay minimum wage.

I have a degree (it's general, not career specific) and was happy with where my career was before children. I'm now left wondering if I need to retrain.

AIBU to think my career is over?

Feeling lost with it all. If anyone has any good news stories that would be great!

• working full time is not an option at the moment.

‘Thanks for all your input. I appreciate the insight and positivity. I've applied for a few full-time advertised roles tonight and will keep my eye out! I hadn't considered negotiating hours AFTER an offer so will cast my net wider. I just hope I don't waste too many people's time. I definitely won't work full time, it's just not an option and even if it was, I don't want to badly enough yet (I fully intend to in a few years time).

Yes, I feel very fortunate that I'm looking at a time when home working is much more common. It does mean I can apply for more roles.

My partner can't work PT. Not only because he's senior in a sector where part time isn't really the done thing. But also our bills rely on his earnings which far outweigh anything I'd earn. Also - I'd rather be the PT person if one of us is.

For those going on about not being married, that's really none of your business to be honest and isn't something I asked for advice on. We have equal amounts of savings and equal equity in our house. If things went tits up today, I'd walk away with plenty. Yes he is more financially secure at the moment due to his job but if you knew the details you'd see why that's kind of been inevitable. And I am aware of the importance of financial independence which is one of the reasons why I'm job searching.’

Op - Glad responses have given you the impetus to apply for FT roles last night. Good luck!

Same here re. DP being senior and the higher earner, so not able to go PT. DP owns businesses so is able to make decisions that allow him to do school/club runs, and medical appointments, but this is obviously not the norm for most families.

Multiple studies have shown that men are more likely to apply for roles where they may not quite fit the job spec and negotiate salaries, etc. More women also need to be encouraged to do so. The current wave of hybrid/flexible working is the perfect time for women to move jobs or get back into work.

Love your response re. people minding their own business 🙂

*men are more likely to negotiate salaries, etc.

I also agree with posters who said that Fathers’ should also consider going PT and requesting other types of flexible working practices so they can also be involved in the childcare. Those options exist for both women and men. Until there is an increase in the uptake of shared Parental Leave and other flexible working practices by men, women will continue to shoulder the childcare/economic burden. We’re seeing a sea change due to the pandemic, but it needs to continue.

This really is kindly meant.

Can’t you really afford to shoulder all of the relationship generated economic disadvantage when you don’t have the protection of marriage?

Do your current arrangements not massively advantage your partner to your detriment? He gets free child care, domestic support, ability to concentrate 100% on his own career and can walk away at any time taking all of his pension rights, personal savings and share of the home.

Can’t your partner spend some of his mega bucks salary on outsourcing your domestic responsibility to enable you to work full time, gaining seniority, pension rights and more financial equality?

What is the industry? Could you get known in that industry by writing articles, doing podcasts, videos etc. to raise your profile?

I work for a local authority and as far as I know all our jobs are offered as flexible/part time considered. Have a look on the local LA website it may be the same. Without knowing the industry it’s hard to advise any more really.

I really want to return to my career, but my other responsibilities are ultimately more important to me so I won't work full time for the next few years
Then in that case, yes, you might find it much harder to get your career back on track, not impossible but certainly a lot harder.

They are any very good candidates with experience who are prepared to put the ft work in, at least to start with. It does come down to what is more important.

@MoreStuffingMatron

This really is kindly meant.

Can’t you really afford to shoulder all of the relationship generated economic disadvantage when you don’t have the protection of marriage?

Do your current arrangements not massively advantage your partner to your detriment? He gets free child care, domestic support, ability to concentrate 100% on his own career and can walk away at any time taking all of his pension rights, personal savings and share of the home.

Can’t your partner spend some of his mega bucks salary on outsourcing your domestic responsibility to enable you to work full time, gaining seniority, pension rights and more financial equality?

Can’t your partner spend some of his mega bucks salary on outsourcing your domestic responsibility to enable you to work full time, gaining seniority, pension rights and more financial equality?

Maybe she doesn't want to work FT though? Or maybe she doesn't want a senior position? Maybe she does. But I felt the need to comment on this. I constantly see on MN women pushing FT work and gaining senior positions. I just want to make the point not everyone wants that and it's not right for everyone. Pre children I had a leadership role and I hated it. Much happier further down the greasy pole! The OPs desire for PT work is probably also linked to wanting that extra time with kids - not just that she needs to fulfill her 'domestic responsiblities' - and that phrase just sounds like housework to me, it's probably more nuanced than that.

So it's not actually about the unfairness of the employment market at all, but the unfairness in your relationship in terms of all unpaid work being dumped on you and only your partner's career being valued.

If he was actually supportive like you say that would translate into him carrying his share of responsibility at home and valuing you and your career as much as his. Because as you quite rightly observe the value of a job is not simply the figure on the payslip.

If you want to change the situation you have to acknowledge the real causes.

I was so disheartened reading some of these replies that I’ve had to delurk and post for the first time in a gazillion years.

It is absolutely possible to return to a career post children - I’ve done it

Look into Returner schemes - they are specifically designed to support women who’ve taken career breaks get back to the world of work. Try Inclusivity Partners - they have about 3 or 4 that they are currently recruiting for.

I’d also recommend “she’s back” by Lisa Unwin for some top tips to help you find your way back.

I joined a returner scheme after an almost 10 year career break. I started back 3 days a week, with flexible start and finish times and one day a week from home (this was pre covid). And this was offered to me - I didn’t have to negotiate for it!

A few years down the line I’m working 4 days a week and have completely re-established my career.

Please believe me, these opportunities are there and in the post covid world, there is even more being done to bring women back to the workplace in a way that works for them.

Good luck OP!

I had 5.5 years off as a result of being made redundant while pregnant and then staying at home with kids. When I decided to go back I applied for full time roles and then discussed the possibility of part time at the interview stage. 2 of 3 jobs I applied for were happy about this. I ended up doing 4 days a week and slightly different hours that suited me.

@MoreStuffingMatron
The OP did say that they were not asking for advice on their marital status.

Not everyone needs to hold the same views re. marriage. Different strokes for different strokes and whatever works best for them and their families.

I also agree that not everyone wants or needs to work FT, PT, hold senior roles and often pressured roles which are not likely to enable a healthy and happy work/life balance, esp. whilst raising young children. People will make decisions based on what works best for them. They should also focus on their values, which shock horror - may not be the same as yours.

*for different folks

I'd recommend universities and local authorities. I work part time term time only in a relatively well paid and interesting admin type job. Its related but not the same as my pre-kids career, however I wasn't prepared to go back full time which is the only way I could have gone back to a similar role. Its working out really well.

I find it really sad that it's almost impossible for women to re-enter the world of work part time. It seems find for most women who already have jobs but if you're made redundant like I was, you're pretty much screwed.

Don't give any more energy to "feeling sad" about the situation. This is the patriarchy and this is why we are feminists.

Focus on how you can make this work for you.

You have 3 options, all of which are good in different ways:

1. Don't work at the moment. Work when you have the ability to work full time in a few years. Do some stuff in the mean time to show you have kept abreast of industry developments (attend training, seminars, networking events etc) so you have something to put on the cv.

1. Keep scouting for part time jobs, get recruiters etc. And / or apply for the full time roles, but in your application say you're aware it's full time but you can only do part time hours. See what it turns up. You're unlikely to get a really good job though if you're entering the market on a part time basis. It's more likely to be low paid/ dead end. Is this really what you want?

1. Get a full time job and insist your partner shares these "other commitments" equally with you. After all why the fuck should your career suffer whilst he is progressing and

resting on your unpaid labour for the running of the household. Combined with this, you could use your extra earnings to outsource as much of the "other commitments" as you can. Eg, cleaner, gardener, getting a good delivery, extra childcare etc.

Good luck!

I work in HR (and do a lot of recruitment) and definitely recommend applying for FT positions and then talking about PT hours if you're offered.

At that point you are their preferred candidate, and if you're willing to do 0.8 then that's really acceptable for lots of roles.

I've worked PT for the last 5 years, 4 days a week. I've just started a new role and asked for PT when they offered me the role.

But for me, if they had have said no, I was more than fine saying ok, this isn't the role for me.

It’s because you’re looking for part-time. Either retrain in something part time or go full time in your field and outsource home stuff (cleaning etc and get your DH doing half)

Apply for full time posts. Then you can negotiate if offered.

OP I don't wish to be unkind, but didn't you think about that impact that leaving the workplace for years would have on your career? Some women aren't bothered and will start at a low level but your career seems to mean a lot to you, so why didn't you think about the impact beforehand? You should have researched carefully before making such a life changing decision. At least if you had known before what the impact it would be, it wouldn't be breaking your heart now. It's why the rest of us struggle through and stay in work, juggling expensive childcare etc.

Meant to add- appreciate you were made redundant but you chose not apply for other jobs at that point.

I think if I’d ever stopped working FT, I’d probably think I had too many responsibilities to do so, iyswim. I am a single parent (or co-parent - divorced but doing the majority iyswim) to two children (7 and 13). I’ve always worked full time, and do what I can to get involved with school stuff etc.

I think if I’d got used to not having the juggle I’d think I couldn’t do it, but the fact is most people probably can.

I’d go for the full time and then see if you can consolidate hours, or apply for PT after a couple of years.

If you’ve got a DH you should be able to manage between you

@Miseryl

OP I don't wish to be unkind, but didn't you think about that impact that leaving the workplace for years would have on your career? Some women aren't bothered and will start at a low level but your career seems to mean a lot to you, so why didn't you think about the impact beforehand? You should have researched carefully before making such a life changing decision. At least if you had known before what the impact it would be, it wouldn't be breaking your heart now. It's why the rest of us struggle through and stay in work, juggling expensive childcare etc.

I feel like you haven't even read the OP! She's not struggling to get a job because she's been out of the workplace...she's finding it hard to find jobs to apply for as they all state FT not PT.

Try this website OP: www.timewisejobs.co.uk/

It is possible - I returned to the workforce PT after several years as a SAHM. I think I was lucky to find the right role though.

At that point you are their preferred candidate, and if you're willing to do 0.8 then that's really acceptable for lots of roles
But then be prepared to be expected to do the equivalent of aFT role in 4 days and feeling very overwhelmed and having to work extra hours any way.

You then can't really moan because they gave you what you wanted.

Unfortunately this is what happens when you have time out.

I had four years out of the workforce and had to go back several levels below my previous post (local government) to get part time work.
It took me 10 years to get back to my previous level and that was only by going back full time.