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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you think this guy is just leading you on?

31 replies

Rubiconmangojuice · 08/10/2021 18:48

Met a guy through a friend at a party, and apparently he said to her he liked me and looked forward to seeing me again.
You add each other on Facebook then a couple of weeks later you see each other at a party. Had spent a couple of weeks flirting on Facebook and then got together at the party.

At the party he tells you he really likes you but doesn’t want a relationship atm as he’s moving to another part of the country for work (6h away) a few months from now.

Admit should have just left it there but I got attached and messaged him quite a few times, saying I really like him etc.

Then apparently he said to my friend that he only ‘saw me as a friend’ now and said he ‘wasn’t over his ex’

I was gutted and tried to move on, but I noticed he kept flirting in messages and so it gave me false hope.

The messages became very flirty once again. However I went on a date with somebody else as I thought he didn’t want anything.

He found out I had kissed someone else (I ended up saying it in conversation) but that guy only wanted a casual thing . He got pretty annoyed and said why did you tell me that, I really like you ‘deep down’ you know.

Then he asked me to go on a date. I was on cloud 9 and thought we really liked each other.
However I noticed after sleeping together a second time that he seemed a bit cooler. He made excuses about why he couldn’t meet up, and then eventually said he had ‘been through depression and realised he couldn’t have a relationship atm. He could only see me as a friend, we shouldn’t have had that date’ etc.

He’s moved away now but for months i analysed the situation. I told myself that he would have been with me if he hadn’t been moving away and that he did really like me.

However that was wrong, he messed me about, manipulated me and I was a gullible, pushy fool. He never really liked me did he ?

OP posts:
Sapphire387 · 08/10/2021 18:55

He was messing you around, yes.

trevthecat · 08/10/2021 19:05

He messed you about

pinkyredrose · 08/10/2021 19:09

It's like one of those stories from Jackie magazine. Anyway he's an immature twat, you can do a lot better.

Returnoftheowl · 08/10/2021 19:12

Unfortunately he was messing you around.

MegaClutterSlut · 08/10/2021 19:14

Sorry op, Sounds like he was only after one thing Sad don't waste any more time thinking about this loser

Yummypumpkin · 08/10/2021 19:14

You're almost leading yourself on here. This guy doesn't want a relationship with you. I'm sorry.

Dillydollydingdong · 08/10/2021 19:20

He was confused. He didn't know whether he felt anything special for you or not. Life's like that sometimes. And he did tell you upfront that he didn't want a relationship because he was moving away. I don't think you can blame him when you allowed yourself to think he would change his mind.

girlmom21 · 08/10/2021 19:25

He told you he didn't want a relationship and you kept pushing it.

He told you he was moving away.

He told your friend he wasn't interested.

You both fancied each other anyway. You must have known how this was going to end up.

Skysblue · 08/10/2021 19:33

He just wanted sex, not a relationship. The mixed signals he was sending you were trying to lure you in physically while making it clear he would never ever be your boyfriend. There are many many men like this.

This happens to most of us once OP, live and learn.

Frostine · 08/10/2021 19:35

You shagged a player , and a shit .

AuntieStella · 08/10/2021 19:38

He might have liked you, but he was never going to be properly in to you, as he'd decided his future lies elsewhere and was quite obvious en about that.

He was happy enough to pass the time, but it was never going to be anything than ships passing. And he did tell you that

VladmirsPoutine · 08/10/2021 19:42

As a general rule of thumb: If you have to do mental acrobatics and scientifically analyse a man's intentions with you then 99.99% of the time he's just not that into you.

thingymaboob · 08/10/2021 19:43

To use a really overused phrase "he's just not that into you"
He used you for emotional and sexual reasons but he's clearly not interested

KrisAkabusi · 08/10/2021 20:08

I can't see that he's done anything wrong. He was honest from the start that he didn't want a relationship because he was moving. You chased him, not the other way around.

DrSbaitso · 08/10/2021 20:14

Throw him back in.

MasterBeth · 08/10/2021 20:15

Are you 12 years old?

Original poster
Rubiconmangojuice · 08/10/2021 20:47

Why say ‘but you know I really like you deep down’ for kissing someone else

OP posts:
Original poster
Rubiconmangojuice · 08/10/2021 20:47

@MasterBeth

Are you 12 years old?
No, are you ?
OP posts:
StripeyBadger · 08/10/2021 20:53

I think he wanted sex and was fairly honest about that but you kept pushing. His ego then didn’t like the fact you had sec with another man when you hadn’t with him.

CommonRoom · 08/10/2021 20:57

‘but you know I really like you deep down’

This means nothing. Really, nothing. There is no need at all for anybody to have feelings for someone 'deep down'. If he was into you, his feelings would be out there on the surface, not hidden and buried. Of course he 'really likes you' I am sure you are a really likeable person. But that doesn't mean he wants a relationship with you.

How can you tell if somebody really likes you? They behave as if they really like you. It's so obvious that you don't need to analyse anything. It's always like that.

Trust me. I'm 59! I've seen this over and over and over again! It's a really important fact of life. If you find yourself wondering if a man likes you deep down, then he doesn't. For sure.

Rainbowqueeen · 08/10/2021 21:01

Definite player.

Block, delete, move on. Also learn from it. Anyone who says they aren’t ready for a relationship right now will be happy to have sex with you a couple of times then move on. If that’s not want you want, don’t engage with any flirty texts.

Bobsyer · 08/10/2021 21:01

This is such a childish interaction.

He asked you on a date and you accepted it knowing he’d already said this wouldn’t go anywhere as he was moving 6 hours away.

You slept with him. And now you think he played you?

Sorry, you played yourself.

KarmaStar · 09/10/2021 07:29

I think maybe working on what you want and improving your self esteem before you pursue another relationship might help..
He,rightly or wrongly,took off the plate that was being pushed under his nose.
Why mention kissing someone else?to make him jealous then when he reacted you tell yourself he must have feelings for you?
Value yourself more because you are worth so very much more.

pinkyredrose · 09/10/2021 16:14

OP a good barometer of someone's intentions is to not pay too much heed to the things they say but instead take note of the things they do. Hope you're ok.

Penistoe · 09/10/2021 20:04

Why say ‘but you know I really like you deep down’ for kissing someone else

He’s doesn’t like you but gets off on the fact you like him. When you were with someone else it ruined this for him, so he tried to get you back in the game by using the old manipulation.