To think that people should sort their own presents?

[delishdelosh]

Whenever someone's birthday comes up (at the moment it's DH's), family message to find out what they would like for their birthday. This in itself I don't mind. I make a suggestion, then get drawn in to choosing the specific one, comparing, them changing their minds, sometimes even ordering it for them to then be paid back etc. I've got my own life to sort, why can't people manage this without extensive hand holding?!
It even happens with my own birthday - I have to choose my own presents, sort how they're coming etc. If I wanted to go shopping for myself I'd just get on with it! It all ends up feeling utterly meaningless and like I may as well just give them a shopping list. If I don't give ideas I just get sent a cheque.
Aibu to think that part of gift giving is choosing something and showing you care etc? I don't mind being asked for suggestions etc in case there's something I have in mind but it just goes so far!
Thoughts on how I can tell people to just organise their own gift buying and leave me alone?!

I'm on the opposite side to you, I love picking my own gifts or receiving a cheque, its bliss.
Horses for courses i guess

If this is happening frequently enough to annoy you, I think you need to look at the common denominator!

Don’t reply to a text for a long time. Be non committal about their options. Laugh at the idea that you’re going to actually order it.

@Cocomarine

If this is happening frequently enough to annoy you, I think you need to look at the common denominator!

Don’t reply to a text for a long time. Be non committal about their options. Laugh at the idea that you’re going to actually order it.

I do see this, but if no suggestions are made it's just always a cheque and I find that so boring! I know it's really childish but I love opening presents on a birthday, not just getting money.

We do Amazon wish lists. I put lots of things on because I like a surprise, DH puts a few things on and receives them all. That way everyone is happy.

I wasn’t meaning about your birthday! I meant about other people’s. How do you get into the position of ordering for someone else?

This drives me MAD! I'm with you OP!

Last Christmas I had my family (mum, SDad, dad, SMum, sister, Nan), DH family (mum, dad, brother), DSC mum, DSC mum's family (Nan, SGrandad, Grandad, 2x aunts, uncle) all contact me wanting present ideas for the DSC. That's 16 frigging lists! And half of them then wanted them for me and DH too!

I'm very grateful that so many people love the girls and care about them, and that people want to buy US lovely presents too, but FFS, it's hard enough shopping for one lot of presents, I had to brain power up 16!

And half of the fuckers had them amazoned to me to wrap, which REALLY pissed me off.

Will be heavily pregnant this Christmas - they can all knob off.

I have a relativr that requires lists - I do prefer surprises, but every now and then she goes rogue, which has resulted in very odd gifts. On balance, something from my list with a small surprise id best

"A surprise"
I prefer sorting it all myself over the junk we receive. With MIL I send her links to the specific one to order. Because if you say "a nice cast iron casserole dish" she goes to wilkos and buys a shitty thing that let's the water out and burns everything it touches and then spends the difference on more junk.

@SlipperTripper wow the wrapping thing is sly! I would decline to do that going forward

We've always written wishlist for birthdays and Christmas in our family. None of us have much spare money so it's safer to know that what you're buying someone is something they actually want and don't already have. Every family will have its own way of doing things I guess.

I wouldn't have this - no way!

For other people's, like DH, just say "Why don't you ask him?" or "A surprise."

For myself I always say I would like a surprise (which is true)

I am so with you on this OP! I hate it! Not only do I have to think about what I’m buying for DP/my son, but I also have to think about what other people should get! I have to think about whether it’s something they would want to buy them, whether it’s in the right price range, whether it’s something the recipient would really like. I have to do it for about 4 different people. Where does the thought come in from the person buying the gift?! I’ve recently started saying that I just don’t know and there’s nothing I can think of.
My brother used to always choose me a really thoughtful gift and something I would never have thought of getting myself, but since he’s met his partner I just have to tell her exactly what I want and she buys it. It makes me feel so awkward 😣

I agree with you op. My in laws did this to me today for my birthday that's coming up. They always request to buy a particular gift that I have to specify - for example if I say a cardigan, they want to know the exact shop, brand and colour too as they won't accept me saying 'either grey or black'. It drives me mad. They also ask if I want them to order it to be collected at my local shop as we live a few hours drive away. Or they tell me I can order it and they'll transfer me the money which I think is even more impersonal. I think it's really rude: choosing the exact item I want and then having to go and collect it in my own time! That doesn't feel like a gift to me. I have a baby and I'm working. They are retired and their lifestyle means they have a lot of spare time where they could collect the item and post it to me. They do the same thing with their own children too and now with my dc. I wish I felt more grateful receiving a gift but imo it's rude and thoughtless.

I agree op, it doesn't take much to work out what someone might like on ones own

We do Amazon wish lists, which started as MIL is like @Cuddlyrottweiler s MIL and would buy things like the thing you asked for, but not quite (eg, DH asked for a particular shirt in tall, his size and got an M&S one in a colour he'd never wear, not tall so it wouldn't reach his wrists, and too small)
Its great, we add stuff as we think about them or see stuff from any website and it links directly

I'm so glad it's not just me who feels this way! I do appreciate that others feel differently though.
@liquoricecravings definitely it's the thoughtlessness that gets me - and like you, I've got little ones and a manic life, they are generally retired and have plenty of money to sort this sort of thing out!
@Constellationstation I end up having to have a bunch of lists on my phone - and half the time I give away all my ideas then have no idea what to get from me! So frustrating!

As an aside, if anyone has had any recent brilliant gift ideas for their DH then do hit me up with suggestions 😂

I'm quite grateful we're not a present family. Stepmum asked DS2 if there was anything he wanted for his birthday, he said no, not really, so she said was it ok if he didn't get anything? He smiled and said sure because she'd asked him, rather than having forgotten about him. He's 10 and he's wonderful

I hear you! A possible suggestion if you can't get out of supplying ideas is to allocate each family member a present 'theme' and then stick to it for following years to save yourself the brain power.
So for example:
Auntie A - always request pyjamas
Cousin B - always request a bottle of whisky
Mum - Always request perfume
Brother - Always request cookbook
Etc etc
If they complain, they can always come up with ideas themselves!

Feel your pain on this. I have three kids with birthdays in the run up to Christmas, from September onwards is just constant messages from grandparents (step families too so double the number) asking what they might like. I can barely think of any ideas to get them myself let alone manage the whole process for 4 sets of grandparents, aunties and uncles etc x3 kids. I do make Amazon wish lists but still somehow get the texts. Then I have to devine what they are buying and make sure it’s removed from the wish list so no duplicates. Look at the bloody list! And mil boycotts Amazon, which is fine, I get it, but really does not make the job any easier. What does child 1 want? Oh there are several things on his Amazon wish list still. Oh I won’t buy from Amazon, any other ideas? No, no I bloody don’t have any other ideas, that was hours of thinking and googling, I can’t come up with a whole other ethical list too while working and managing here kids generally…I barely have time to think about what’s for dinner tonight let alone what ethical gift you can buy them for Xmas…! 😬

I’m more than happy to give ideas to people, it then when people come back to you wanting specifics, and then running each thing they think of by you, as though wanting guarantees that the person will like it.

Also the wanting you to gift wrap it is particularly bad. I do keep a store of Amazon gift bags that people have sent in the past - those who had the decency to!

I end up having to have a bunch of lists on my phone

You keep using phrases like "I have to" ... you don't have to!
You are choosing to.

Every time you allow someone to get you to offer options, help with ordering, paying for it, chasing back the cash - you are enabling people & just encouraging them to treat you as an unpaid service provider.

Next time, push back.
"I haven't the foggiest, what do you think?"
"I won't have time to do that, buy whatever you think is best"
"I dunno mate, why don't you ask the birthday boy/girl?"