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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Potty training. Who is BU?

37 replies

OttilieStonelady · 08/10/2021 15:38

My son is in nursery one day a week and with a childminder for four. The other two he's with me. He is three in a month, and I am trying desperately to potty train. He is completely ready and even asks to use the potty before he needs to go. I have him in pants at home and he uses the potty. Still has up to 3 accidents a day but this has massively decreased. The nursery also agree that he's ready and have asked for him to be sent in pants and they don't use nappies anymore. Sometimes he only has one accident a day. The childminder has said she will only accept him in pants once he is potty trained, however I'm not sure how I am meant to potty train him reliably when I only have him in pants 3 days a week. AIBU to think she should be more supportive, or is it reasonable of her to expect him to be fully trained before he's in pants? Is it possible to potty train a toddler when he's in nappies 4 days a week or will he just end up being confused? It's my first time doing this and I am really struggling.

OP posts:
Original poster
OttilieStonelady · 08/10/2021 16:13

@nervousseacreature

Probably not what you want to hear but it might be better to wait till January then. Will you have any time off coming up /after Christmas that you could use for toilet training? (I made a total arse of training my first dc but used the Oh Crap book with second dc and we had a week at home to really focus on it before he went back to nursery.)
He's still only going to be in nursery 2.5 days so not ideal but I guess it might be better than nothing. No annual leave until April as it runs from financial year and I only get 4 weeks.
OP posts:
ThirdElephant · 08/10/2021 16:18

You could have him in pants under a nappy? Then he'll feel wet if he has an accident and need changing, but won't wet sofas etc.

nervousseacreature · 08/10/2021 16:22

Argh that’s really tough, would your partner (if you have one, not apparent from op) be able to help with a block of time off?

Re accidents it took my first dc a lot longer to be “reliable”, nursery were very supportive though. Could you have a chat with her and see if you can come to an agreement. Eg you provide puppy pads/training pants and lots of spare clothes but say an absolute no to nappies.
Our nursery manager did say her wee boy had loads of accidents in their first go at potty training and so they had a break, went back to nappies and didn’t mention it at all, then a month or two later he picked it up really quickly. On reflection I should have done this With first dc but I was determined to power through. I felt a bit more chilled with dc2

Original poster
OttilieStonelady · 08/10/2021 16:29

@nervousseacreature

Argh that’s really tough, would your partner (if you have one, not apparent from op) be able to help with a block of time off?

Re accidents it took my first dc a lot longer to be “reliable”, nursery were very supportive though. Could you have a chat with her and see if you can come to an agreement. Eg you provide puppy pads/training pants and lots of spare clothes but say an absolute no to nappies.
Our nursery manager did say her wee boy had loads of accidents in their first go at potty training and so they had a break, went back to nappies and didn’t mention it at all, then a month or two later he picked it up really quickly. On reflection I should have done this With first dc but I was determined to power through. I felt a bit more chilled with dc2

Unfortunately don't have a partner, but your advice is super useful (as is everyone else's!) - thank you! She only has him 9-3 and does have five other children with her under 5 so I do understand it must be a nightmare for her!
OP posts:
Goldbar · 08/10/2021 16:31

All children are different and of course parents choose to do things differently but I'm going to throw my two pence in. When I potty-trained my DC, it was winter and DC is at a mostly outdoors nursery with multiple layers which are hard to remove. So we didn't touch the pull up for nursery until DC was confident at home and out and about in familiar places. And gradually the staff reported back that DC was dry more and more, they were choosing to use the toilet and that in their view DC was ready to try pants. So we moved to pants for nursery as well and DC has only ever had one accident there.

However, DC was quite late training (3.3 to 3.5) and it took a couple of months. This didn't bother me as I was confident we'd get there in the end and didn't really want to make a big thing of it. So I was happy to swap between pants and pull ups depending on how close we were to a toilet and how inconvenient an accident would be. If you as the parent want to take a different approach, I'd expect the childminder to support you.

shouldistop · 08/10/2021 16:41

She only has him 9-3 and does have five other children with her under 5 so I do understand it must be a nightmare for her

I thought childminders could have a maximum of 6 kids, 3 of whom can be 5 or under and 1 under 1yo?

So if she has 6 kids under 5 is she not over her ratio?

Blendabrethin · 08/10/2021 16:45

Dump the childminder, he/she sounds crap.

shouldistop · 08/10/2021 16:50

Definitely dump the childminder. She's taken on too many young children and it's adversely affecting the care of your young child.

Potty training. Who is BU?
Potty training. Who is BU?
leakymcleakleak · 08/10/2021 16:58

Honestly OP I think she's being unreasonable. We potty trained DD over a long weekend, her creche knew we were doing it, she had loads of accidents the first week. They told us it would take time. Since then, she's had a couple of periods of 'regression' where she's randomly had a week or two of accidents every day, sometimes one or two. This is while almost never having accidents at home, and its generally because she's too excited doing something but usually something else is in the background: so she's about to get sick, or she's just moved rooms, etc.

I think your childminders expectations are massively unreasonable. Equally, it depends on how the 'accidents' are happening - DD would never have an accident on a sofa, she'd either not make it to the toilet in time, or be too engrossed in her play. I found the 'oh crap' book v helpful, but it would basically say your childminder needs to get on board, and it sounds like that isn't going to happen so I'm not sure what the alternative is.

Doveyouknow · 08/10/2021 17:09

Using pull ups some of the time can work. For various reasons we ended up doing so for my ds. Round the house, trips to the park etc he wore pants and at nursery / car journeys / supermarket trips he wore pull ups. Over time, as he got more reliable we just used pull ups less. Didn't seem to confuse him and he was pretty reliable within a few weeks. Went cold turkey with his younger brother and it didn't seem much quicker / easier...

girlmom21 · 08/10/2021 17:14

He's probably having 3 accidents a day in other settings because he's forgetting due to wearing a nappy with her, to be fair.

I'd get the training pants.
They don't hold the wee very well but enough for him to have a little leak then realise he needs the potty.

Tryagainplease · 08/10/2021 17:20

I think your CM is being ridiculous and she should expect this as part of the service she provides.

However, I don’t understand why you’re so desperate to potty train him ASAP? If it were me I would wait 6 months and try again. The older they are, the quicker they learn and it’s less stress and hassle for everyone. It is about what is best for your DS here and whatever causes him the least stress IMO.

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