Whats the deal with him getting cross when he's out of line, whether it be trivial or big. I end up trying to make him feel better

[Coteeee]

Frustrating as heck! Aibu to expect when hes clearly been a knob to just say. Do u know what, I was out of line...can see why your upset...love you.

Instead I get a frosty sorry, followed by more frostiness and a 'ive said sorry havent i'.

Doesn't matter if its Daft or big. Same reaction. Id laugh with him if he dropped the curt, frostiness. He just views things how it affects him. Its not so much the thing....its his reaction thats bothering me.

Frustratingggggg

Instead I get a frosty sorry, followed by more frostiness and a 'ive said sorry havent i'

But he’s clearly not acting sorry. You don’t have to indulge him you know. A cheery, ‘talk to me when you’ve stopped sulking about this’ would do.

A very obvious solution lol

I didnt think I was indulging but now you've said it...I can see i am.

We dont live together so I prob indulge because I'd barely see him.....not a reason I know.

I once commented on his driving and that one went on a while, even though he'd scared the bejeeeezzzzus out of me. He drove like miss Daisy for weeks. Even woke up one morning and said how many points have you on your licence. I ended up saying sorry lol

I can see ive made a rod for my own back

I'm not sure how it's funny tbh. Why are you putting up with this shit?

Some of us get a bit defensive when we fuck things up. I know I do and it's a combination of already being quite hard on myself in my own head and being raised in an unforgiving/ balme focussed environment where admitting fault or taking the blame for anything would result in abuse. I obviously don't know whether this is your partners issue or not as there isn't really enough information to go on but I know from my own experience that I react much less defensively if the focus isn't so much on how I have fucked something up and how much I suck bit rather on how I can sort the fuck up or make ammends.

On the other hand, your partner could just have a huge ego and be one of those people who can never accept that they have done anything wrong or don't care about how their actions affect others.

Do either of these explanations seem to fit your situation?

You should date a person over 18 not a man toddler

He is training you not to expect apologies from him, or admitting he's wrong, and training you not to question or disagree with him.

He's using the frostiness to remind you you've done something 'wrong' (even when, like you say, he's clearly been the knob), and to punish you for daring to call him out.

You could try telling him that his behaviour is awful and that being unable to genuinely admit when you're wrong and really mean it - not with an atmosphere or frostiness - is an awful trait and doesn't allow for good, healthy communication or resolution of issues.

But honestly, I'd not bother.

I had one of these once, and it never improved - instead, I just stopped saying when things bothered me to avoid the mood. Which is precisely what he wanted - never to be questioned, and for me to not have reasonable boundaries.

And for him to fix and change it, it would require him to be able to agree that what he's doing is deliberately making it awkward for you to point out when he's done something wrong - and that in itself is admitting he's done something wrong, which he's clearly not capable of without a massive fucking sulk.

@Blendabrethin

Some of us get a bit defensive when we fuck things up. I know I do and it's a combination of already being quite hard on myself in my own head and being raised in an unforgiving/ balme focussed environment where admitting fault or taking the blame for anything would result in abuse. I obviously don't know whether this is your partners issue or not as there isn't really enough information to go on but I know from my own experience that I react much less defensively if the focus isn't so much on how I have fucked something up and how much I suck bit rather on how I can sort the fuck up or make ammends.

On the other hand, your partner could just have a huge ego and be one of those people who can never accept that they have done anything wrong or don't care about how their actions affect others.

Do either of these explanations seem to fit your situation?

Your first paragraph is a very good point - I was the same for a long time, because of my upbringing, and would have to really fight not to shut down when I was criticised - but the point about him spending weeks driving ostentatiously slowly and then randomly bringing up her own driving licence to me suggests he's the latter (and a knob!).