Access to children

[Idiotathome79]

I am recently separated from Husband , social services were involved that's been replace by a support worker .

Should add I have mental health and he's been quite manipulative and abusive too me .

I have several children with my husband but only are 3 dependants

Currently he only sees two children

Week one 2 days mid week 3:40-7pm and sat evening 5pm till Sunday morning Anytime return from 9am to 11am ( basically when he gets fed up)

Week two 3 days mid week 330-7pm
These hours don't change if they are on school holidays he works 10-5 over night mon-fri I work around him having the children .

The children struggle staying at there dads flat as he's quite strict with what they do .

My support worker has suggested rather than the kids staying sat - mon every other weekend ( because she feels it will currently be too much for the children age 9 &6)

The opposite weekend to what he has on the sat , he could have them on Sunday and maybe take them out either play area , cinema etc .
The support worker thinks he needs time with the children where he's able to do something with them other than food and then putting them to bed .
I spoke with him yesterday , he lost his temper with me and says it ruins his weekend ( for example he has several weekends away to friends etc ) I tried to explain it's not different to my weekend free ( as I don't get a whole weekend )

I.e I currently have the children on his weekend , all day sat till 5pm , then from mid morning Sunday , plus the 3rd child stays with me all weekend .
On his weekend free he would have them Sunday from 11am till 5 or 6 pm

Sorry if that's confusing

Aibu and I should stay as things are ?

YANBU if thats what has been suggested by a professionals, and is the best thing for the children. Is the support worker just for you or both, does she also speak to him? Sorry not sure how these things work but suggestions like that might be better coming from the support worker; he might take it more seriously.

He’s not going to care what hardships you have so I wouldn’t come at it from the ‘well I don’t have the weekend free either’ but instead approach it solely as a ‘the support worker wants to change the routine to X’.

Can the support worker not talk to him about it rather than you? I’m sure he would take it better that way.

Sorry you have to put up with such a shitter in your life.

She works with me and the children , They are worried that the children don't have positive time with ex as he just has them for food and bed , and they hope that by him having them on that extra day he will do things with them which will help them bond with him .

If I am honest I think he's only having the kids to keep up an appearance and if he could he wouldn't bother .
For example if I have annual leave he doesn't have his kids I have to ring /text him to have them , I then feel guilty like I am trying to get rid of them all the time .

@BrilliantBulb I have texted the support worker this morning telling her what was said , which he will of course deny ( I have to have a convo with our oldest daughter present as he lies all the time , I don't have any friends that could be the impartial one either ) so she may suggest a team around the child meetings set up again.

I don't want him to think I am taking the piss though but it's getting to the point the kids are not overly keen on going to his and I constantly get messages off our son when I work asking to come home now , so I think the sw thinking they need bonding time .

TAC meeting sounds ideal. Fingers crossed that gets sorted and gets everyone back on the right path again.

Don't speak to him about this
Unless your support worker or mediation person present

@Embracelife

I spoke to the support worker and explained how he reacted and she's agreed that a meeting needs to be arranged , sooner rather than later , so from now on I agreed unless she's or some professional is with me we won't be talking about anything that may cause a high reaction .