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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To move my daughter to a private school in year 11

21 replies

familybfive · 07/10/2021 07:20

My DD 15 has just gone in to year 11 of a mainstream school , she is on the autism spectrum and is settled after a challenging time before and during covid in years 9 & 10, where we had some school refusal. At her current school she does have a lot of TA support, which she likes and finds helpful.

But i just just had some feedback from her maths teacher that she scored a low grade 1 in her latest maths tests , and her latest GCSE grades in English are also around a 2

So i am considering moving her to a small Private school, and for her to go in to year 10 (to repeat a year, Dd is young in her year and has an August birthday)

The private school has a reputation for being good for SEN, i went to see it last springtime and was impressed (and have just had an inheritance, which means we can now comfortably afford to pay the school fees)

DD was not so keen to move schools last year , but I am just thinking this could be ‘last chance saloon’ for her to hopefully have a positive school experience and come out of school with some GCSE’s and more confidence ,?

We also are in the middle of an EHCP application, which was intended for her post 16 support but it taking so long due to report delays.

Please can anyone give any advice on whether this sounds like this plan could work,,,? TIA

OP posts:

Sleepinghyena · 07/10/2021 07:22

I have a year 11.
No way would I move her now. Or put her back a year.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 07/10/2021 07:26

No, not at that stage

PotteringAlong · 07/10/2021 07:26

If she’s a school refuser you are paying for nothing.

The private school won’t magically sort out the school refusing, or the autism, or the ehcp, or the low grades, just because you’re paying for it.

I suspect you’re trying to fix a problem, and I can completely see why, but I don’t think it will do what you think it will.

monkeysox · 07/10/2021 07:27

She can resit in college if she needs to. She knows no one at the other school.
Some students get grade 1,2,3 as that is what they are capable of.

Seeline · 07/10/2021 07:35

I wouldn't move her at this stage if she is happy and settled. What about all her other subjects - I'm sure it would be terribly boring repeating a year in everything. Although there is no guarantee that the other school would offer all subjects, or follow the same board/spec even if they did.

Would it be worth getting some private tutors in - Maths the English for a start.

Slagertha · 07/10/2021 07:38

I would leave her where she is comfortable...I understand your intentions but if she's getting 1s and 2s a year in private school won't fix that, as her what she's interested in...look at what different avenues she can take to get into that line of work. Btec/apprenticeships. I'd perhaps get a tutor on the side and encourage her but the whole new school for 12 months I think would be a huge jump x

TeenMinusTests · 07/10/2021 07:39

I would consider it, if she is keen.

However without an EHCP she would normally get 3 years funding at college if in her normal year group. If she is a year down then that might impact that. So really understand the implications before doing so. (With an EHCP my understanding is she would be less limited.)

There is more than maths and English. Is she on track for 3s or passes in other subjects? Maths & English can be resat, others can't.

Any idea what she might want to do next?

She may find she thrives in a smaller, calmer, more supportive environment. Or the disruption might be too much and the moving expectations from 'leaving school soon' to 'two more years'.

If DD's experience is anything to go by, 'resitting at college' means 2hrs of maths & English each per week. It isn't much.

RampantIvy · 07/10/2021 07:42

I would pay for a tutor instead.

Dejasue · 07/10/2021 07:44

We moved my year 11, purely for academic reasons best decision we ever made,
He’s settled in great made great friends working harder
Wish we had done it sooner!

daretodenim · 07/10/2021 07:45

Also came to suggest tutoring.

The fact she's settled and happy where she is is actually the most important thing. Without that there's no chance if the academics bring good. What she needs is an academic boost so I'd look at providing that.

Sidneysussex · 07/10/2021 07:45

I wouldn't move but would get I. intensive tutoring for maths and English outside school.

Longdistance · 07/10/2021 07:52

I’d go for resits at college. She will have a different experience at college than at school.
But, if you do go private, make sure it’s one with small class sizes so she gets that attention and help she needs. I know most private schools in my area have varying class sizes from 16 max, to 8 in subjects like English and Maths.

AngelinaFibres · 07/10/2021 08:04

@RampantIvy

I would pay for a tutor instead.

This is what I would do. A far far better use of the money .

ittakes2 · 07/10/2021 08:10

No way. Don’t move a happy child. Consider the school after she has done her GCSEs.

ittakes2 · 07/10/2021 08:12

I think the important bit here is she was a school refuser and is now happy and doesn’t want to move. The time has passed for you to move her. She would have worked so hard to get to where she is and now she’s happy you want to send her back to ground zero. It would be different if she wanted to move.

Lanique · 07/10/2021 08:14

We're in a similar situation with dd2 who is not autistic but like your dd she is Y11 and her grades are very wobbly. I think she will just about scrape into sixth form but it'll be a nail biting wait for her grades this summer.

We too have considered private at several opportunities but have never been able to justify the expense when she's happy at a good state school.

Recently we found ourselves with a little more money and considered the move again, however we have made the decision that a) it's too late now and she's happy and settled where she is, moving her could be a disaster; b) there are no guarantees that her grades will change magically as she really is not at all academic; and c) we will stick with private tuition as it's cheaper and means she can stay where she is.

Come next September, she can make a fresh start and either go on to the sixth form where she is and do 'easy' a levels that she isn't currently doing GCSEs in (so a completely clean slate) or go to the local sixth form college and do a vocational course.

It's a horrible time as a parent because you want to do everything you can and feel so guilty when you don't, however I think for us it's going to be a case of just getting through the next nine months with dd2's mental health intact.

thepastisanothercountry · 07/10/2021 08:15

Have you talked to her about what she wants tg do and also checked with private school that they'd be willing to put her back a year? I know someone in DD's school is repeating year 10 but only because they were so ill that they missed over 2 terms of work.

If it's what she wants and private are willing to be accommodating then go for it but remember that while some may be very good with SEN they are also looking for results and SEN or not, they may declinbe her based on her academic record - they won't want to hold back other students. Some schools would ask you to pay for extra support on top of the normal fees so that's something to take into account.

Personally I wouldn't do it

Original poster

familybfive · 07/10/2021 12:28

Thank you for your replies , its really helpful to hear others views on this situation, and you have made good points, like all parents I just want to do the absolute best for DD , but she is now finally pretty settled on the whole at her school and so to move her could be negative on her mental health... I will look in to Tutoring again, but I'm wondering where she could go at the end of year of 11 that would allow her to re-sit GCSE's (if needed) with more than 2 hours a week if she were at a college ?

OP posts:

lubeybooby · 07/10/2021 13:17

I wouldn't move her again - I'd get a maths tutor privately instead so she can catch up a bit while remaining settled

lubeybooby · 07/10/2021 13:17

sorry didn't mean again, I just meant show she's settled a bit

lanthanum · 07/10/2021 13:58

I think you need to do a lot of research on post-16 courses. If she goes to an FE college or similar then she will study maths/English alongside whatever else; they have to provide this for those who have not got grade 4s.

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