Rude Teen

[RoseChampagne]

AIBU - So my Daughter is often rude and dismissive to me. Just basic things like ill ask her something and instead of saying no thanks she will just say no, often gives short one word answers. basically just rude. Just to me not her dad. Today she is off with a friend and I just said be careful of the sharp oyster shells - she ignored me and walked out the door. I went to my husband and said I am sick of the rudeness, and he said teenagers!!! he keeps making excuses for her behavior because she is a teenager and is stressed doing her HSC.
All I expect is basic please and thank you, and my husband thinks I am being unreasonable to expect this from her and gets the shits with me when I call her up on it.

I want to hear more about these sharp oyster shells.

Are they related to your husband’s shits?

No, not unreasonable. It is rude and annoying.

But comfort yourself by looking at the long term. If you laid good foundations she will come through this bloody awful teenage shit and rejoin civilised society 😁

Do you always use please and thank you to her? Have you always? Modelling the behaviour we want to see is what has the highest success rate. Kids learn a language by being spoken to. They learn manners in the same way. (Manners are a language, social skill crossover I guess) By modelling good manners consistently throughout childhood it becomes part of how they speak and interact instead of something they have to make an effort or remember to do.

God that sounds bloody patronising in my defense it's 4am and I'm having yet another insomnia party for one but I hope you can wade through and get what I'm trying to say.

@MacMahon - hahah no shes going to a beach where she hasn't swum before and alot of people have been cut there - I was being helpful , or so I thought - husband just doesn't like conflict - at all ever

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves - yes I was brought up to say please thank you and sorry and have brought my kids up the same. She is having an I hate my mother stage which I am sure every teen goes through and yes she has moments. To be perfectly honest - its more that my husband makes excuses for the rude behaviour than the behaviour itself..I can understand the rude and will call her up on it even its me just saying a friendly reminder like "thanks mum" but when I go to my husband and talk about it he defends her....

For someone who doesn't like conflict he doesn't seem to have a problem having it with you.

Yes, his attitude is annoying. You should be able to discuss your child's behaviour with their other parent.

I am zero tolerance on rudeness from my teens and there's no way I'd tolerate being spoken to in that manner. Or so I thought... time is a circle and all that.

We all have to thread the needle with teens sometimes. Sometimes it's a genuinely perceived injustice (have mercy on me DCs!) and sometimes it's nonsense they're projecting. Either way, I'm getting it in the neck.

It's definitely rough, but I try to not go mental about it, but not let standards slip either.

P.s. tell your DH to cop on. The one thing I do have going for me is DH is not happy if he thinks I've been disrespected by them

@RoseChampagne I agree with @IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves Constant reinforcing when young and keep doing it even when they don't do it back I think will instil politeness . So , always say thank you when she does something for you {I am sure you do } .

But I am old and remember the times when I had to say "please may I leave the table" after dinner. & Granny said politeness costs nothing and Dukes don't swear at Dustmen

Ds is not perfect but ( later than teens) people remark at how polite he is. I would ask your DH to support you and I bet some years hence she will be the most fabulous and polite girl. ( & for the avoidance of doubt - boys should be polite too - Ds case in point. )

dont let her be rude to you. Why was she still allowed to go after speaking to you like this?

How did you want her to answer ‘be careful of the sharp oyster shells?’ I mean nobody goes out deliberately to step on an oyster shell, they’re hidden and you step on them by accident.

Other than that she doesn’t sound that awful. She could say please and thank you but the oyster shell thing just sounds like a non issue.

It's annoying and it's rude especially as it's aimed at you not dh, bide your time, she'll come back, but also I wouldn't have told her to be careful

@Kanaloa

How did you want her to answer ‘be careful of the sharp oyster shells?’ I mean nobody goes out deliberately to step on an oyster shell, they’re hidden and you step on them by accident.

Other than that she doesn’t sound that awful. She could say please and thank you but the oyster shell thing just sounds like a non issue.

maybe anything like ok bye mum? you can't see the oysters where she is going they are on the side of the pier - but thats not the issue - and no she's not awful she's amazing but her current dismissive and in my opinion rudeness has annoyed me

she is completely out of order. Dont let her treat you like that