Who do you think you should contact if you are separated/divorced

[ErinAoife]

Who do you think you should contact if you cannot bring a child to an activity? AIBU to think that the other parent should be asked first and if he/she cannot do it, ask someone else?
What do you think? Thks

Would depend....
Is other parent close by ?
Would it be at a time they could do it ?
Is there a friend who takes their child to same activity you could ask ?
Would it cause an upset if the other parent couldn't ?

Which one are you ....the parent who couldn't or the parent who was asked to step in ?

I wasn't been asked if I could bring our child to a match as the other parent couldn't do it. I think I should be the first point of contact before asking other and only if I can do it ask other.

Depends, completely. If it is during one parent’s contact time, it is usually up to them to make arrangements and that does not include contacting the other parent. They may choose to have the child go with another parent whose child is going to the activity, they may choose to have one of their family members take the child, but if it their contact time, then it has nothing to do with the other parent. IF the other parent wants to always be considered first, this probably needed to be discussed at marriage dissolution and would require a REALLY good coparenting relationship.

It is on the other parent time. However I do think I should have been asked first before asking others. If I can't do it fair enough, you cannot be available all the time and there is time where I won't be able to do it. It is not because they are with the other parent that I should have no input in their live.

The other parent sorts out arrangements during their time. So, if they can't make the activity then they choose who does.

Most responses on MN seem to be that if DF can't do it on his contact time he needs to find cover without asking mum or his new partner.

In the real world I imagine people ask those who are most likely to respond well to being asked.

It really depends on the co-parenting relationship. I know some friends who are very strict with ex’s, it’s their problem to sort childcare etc (excluding emergencies), others would want to be contacted. Neither is wrong or right you just need to agree between yourselves what you are going to do.

In the real world I imagine people ask those who are most likely to respond well to being asked.

I agree. There'll be a reason you weren't approached and I expect you know what it is.

I just think it is weird not to be ask first. Like I said if I can't do it fair enough ask someone else and vice versa, if I am stuck on my weekend I will ask the other parent first before asking someone else. I don't understand the attitude of I don't have the kids that weekend so therefore it is your problem do not contact me if you need help. They are my kids and i am more than happy to help out even I am supposed to be free from them if I can help out. I am a mother full time not a part time mother.

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong here. When my parents divorced each took responsibility for contact/visits with their respective families. I used to dance and if my dad couldn’t take me, he would often ask my paternal grandmother. I honestly don’t know whether my mum would have wanted to come or not, but I remember it fondly as something lovely I sometimes did with my gran.