No contact from work - returning from maternity

[noodledoodled]

Hi,

Background: I worked right up to 40w pregnant to ensure a smooth handover and to train my replacement (I had the new start for a whole week, despite work knowing from 12w)

Male dominated environment. Public sector. I HATE IT. The job stresses me out. Line management are nice men but put a lot on me and I cry at home a lot. I have a transfer request in but these things can take a long time - years, maybe

New start tormented me with work related questions when baby was born - that tailed off, thankfully

Colleagues - same grade/lower - have liked occasional FB posts

Direct line manager sent me one message on the day baby was born to congratulate me. I haven't heard a word from him since.

I emailed HR in line with policy, to inform them I'd be returning to work in x weeks time. I cc'd in both my direct line manager and his (normal procedure), I then sent a text message to their work mobile phones - again, we would regularly text to communicate on work related stuff - and said:

Hi, I hope you are well. I have sent an email to HR re: return to work. I plan to come back on x date. Please give me a call to discuss. Speak soon

It's been a week. Both are working, sending emails and communicating with other staff members..*
*
My anxiety is through the roof. I've cried so much at the prospect of going back anyway, but now I am thoroughly dreading it. I feel miserable and now I'm so upset because I should be spending this time enjoying my baby and I feel like I'm spiralling. I have to go back to work, leaving isn't an option

At what stage WIBU to contact welfare? Are they out of order for not contacting me? What do I do?

Your email is a bit ambiguous. Did you give your manager a set time to call? If I was your manager I would be wary of ringing you in case you were busy with the baby. Did you not ask to do some KIT days?

Have you received an acknowledgement from HR? If not I'd follow up with a call then an email to say it was nice to talk to you, as per our conversation today... Then go over what was said

Maybe call your line manager and confirm your return date

Are you due back yet? Is it days or weeks away?
From memory I let them know when coming back then turned up on the day. Did not discuss anything about coming back.

No, to be fair I didn't state a time - but I did ask them to call me. I thought that message was breezy, friendly and showed I was very open to being called

On KIT - no, I told my line management that I'd be off with baby and would return (all being well) in and around the end of November. I've now gone back with a firm date

Sorry to add: I did state in the email - "Please contact me to confirm this return date"

To be fair they may not think there's a lot to discuss and you're on maternity leave so are being respectful of that.

Can't you try phoning them?

To discuss going back: I will need an area set up to enable breastmilk expression

We are WFH with occasional visits to office. I have requested a call to ensure someone will be in the office on my first day back

I could phone them.. of course, but after emailing and texting them - I'm slightly about it. I feel abandoned, quite frankly

I'm hoping they're being respectful but I have reached out - to nothing

Sounds like you're overthinking this OP.

It's illegal to work during mat leave unless on a KIT day so as pp says, feel free to ring HR to find out the process for e.g. having your laptop couriered to you the day before your official return date. Ask HR whatever you need to know, with the aim of putting yourself at ease and that you know what's expected of you. Then leave it alone and enjoy the rest of mat leave.

You have literally years left of stressing about work, try not to take it so personally, in the nicest possible way,, one day you'll look back and shake your head about how on earth it felt so important at the time.

There are a few things here:

The biggest issue is why no one has acknowledged your return to work date, although is that because it's your expected RTW date that's already been confirmed in a letter confirming your pregnancy/maternity

It presumably was difficult to hire and onboard a replacement during lockdown. People were sitting tight. Is that why it took so long?

We have a policy that very much leaves maternity leavers alone. You can even request a suspension on your email so you aren't bothered during maternity beyond a congratulatory message. Is you company similar?

KITs are a really good way of easing in and re-establishing communication before your RTW date. I'm curious why you didn't take those.

But overall it seems as though you would really rather not work there. Would you be better off going back part-time and looking for a new job? You were unhappy before you had your baby, being unhappy with a baby is going to be not good.

All that being said, I would send another mail and either arrange a KIT or schedule a meeting to discuss your RTW so that the transition is much easier for you.

They don’t sound very supportive OP. Very different to my experience when I returned to work after MAT leave that’s for sure, but my office is female dominated and I was hounded to bring baby in to see people and regularly kept in touch with my line manager (initiated by the both of us) which helped reduce anxiety about returning.

I’d send another message asking for a call by the end of the week to discuss and firm things up as you need to make arrangements on your end. Start looking for another job.

But you're not going back until the end of November? It's been a week? That's not excessive.

I think you're conflating your feelings around hating the job with this situation. I don't think they sound unreasonable here, but if you hate your job so much you are crying, you need to figure out a plan. It's just too bloody hard to work with a baby too, if you hate the job. You may have to go back for a bit bit start actively planning to leave, if that's the only option.

My manager removed me from work WhatsApp group while I'm on maternity to respect my space and not have work pinging up on my phone. I'd say it's normal for them not to make contact until absolutely necessary, for me that's 4 weeks prior to returning to work so they can sort the rotas and work out what hours I am wanting to do etc

Your manager may be trying to create a professional gap between you being on maternity leave and return to work planning. By all means chase HR if you haven't had confirmation of return date, but I don't understand why you need a call weeks and weeks before any return with your manager. It would be normal only to get in touch nearer the time to confirm work location, laptop etc for first day back, and even then it would only be in writing to your personal email or letter around 2 weeks before your return date at my organisation.

Also in any org I've worked any breast milk expressing space would be handled by facility management - not individual managers. You're probably going to ask them they don't have any power to provide beyond what a central process dictates.

I honestly think you're overthinking it. And a previously high stress toxic job is leading you to have warped expectations here. Take a deep breath, make sure you have a confirmation of return date from HR, and get ready for your 1st day back much nearer the time.

Op if it helps our maternity leave returners process in HR is pretty similar to new starts. Clearly it's not the same but e.g. if you were starting a new job in November,I think you should set similar expectations around communication.

(Obviously it's different if you're friends with your manager in some roles but that doesn't sound appropriate here. And isn't in my line of work either.)

If you're returning at the end of Nov I wouldn't expect any detailed communication more than a month before you start. Although it is very rude that none of them have confirmed your return date.