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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What to do about this situation?

33 replies

Lawstudentmumtoone · 05/10/2021 21:35

So me and ex co-parent fine and he has paid consistently since we split a few years ago.
He usually pays child maintenance on 23rd of every month, this month he had some issues with his pay (gets paid weekly) so he paid me half 2 weeks ago with the intention of paying the other half the weekend just gone.

It’s nearly been 2 weeks now and I keep having to chase him up and ask him about it. He keeps saying he will sort it but doesn’t seem to ever do it.

I’m now running out of money, I’ve already borrowed some from my family and can’t ask them again, what do I realistically do?

I’ve asked him again tonight and he keeps getting really short with me and says that it annoys him that I keep asking but it’s been nearly 2 weeks now!

OP posts:
MrsRobbieHart · 05/10/2021 21:38

What is his reason for not sending it over straight away when you ask? Does he just not have it?

romdowa · 05/10/2021 21:40

I'd reply back that it's annoying me that I have to keep asking and that I've only received half the money. If he keeps this up then I'd just go through cms.

LittleOwl153 · 05/10/2021 21:40

How does what he pays compare to cms rate? Is he PAYE employed or self employed?

If he pays the CMS rate and is employed just get I to them. If he pays more or is self employed sadly they cannot help and will likely make the situation worse.

Is he struggling for some reason? Issues with being paid himself? Can you ask him for 1/4 on Friday (assuming that's his payday) then again the following week? I'd also be asking whether you are going g to get his next payment on 23rd Oct so you can plan accordingly.

Original poster
Lawstudentmumtoone · 05/10/2021 21:40

@MrsRobbieHart

What is his reason for not sending it over straight away when you ask? Does he just not have it?
He hasn’t been paid properly from his boss, however he has a partner who has an income and he said that his mum sent him some money and his boss has put bits of money in here and there. I understand he has things to pay out too but so do I, and I’m literally going to run out of money tomorrow and he just keeps saying he’ll sort it but hasn’t and doesn’t keep me updated or anything. I’ve tried giving him the benefit of the doubt by giving him an extra week and accepting half and borrowing off family for now - but I’m literally out of options now
OP posts:
Original poster
Lawstudentmumtoone · 05/10/2021 21:42

He just keeps saying it’s a one off and he has never paid late before - which to give him the benefit of the doubt is true - but I still have a week until I get paid and I don’t think his problems should be affecting my child maintenance - he has paid bills off these last couple of weeks so the child maintenance should be a priority too I feel

OP posts:
MrsRobbieHart · 05/10/2021 21:43

however he has a partner who has an income and he said that his mum sent him some money and his boss has put bits of money in here and there.

Sorry OP but you’re being unreasonable here. He clearly doesn’t have it if his mum is having to give him money! His boss has messed up his pay. If he had paid consistently up til now then I think you need to cut him some slack. I know you’re struggling but he can’t give you what he hasn’t got and his partners money isn’t a cushion fund for his child support.

MrsRobbieHart · 05/10/2021 21:45

What do you need to pay for between now and your pay day? Maybe we can help you delay or reduce some costs.

smallybells · 05/10/2021 21:45

Ooo tough one - if he literally doesn't have any money and has had to borrow from his mum / his boss hasn't yet sorted it, I'm not sure what else he can do? It sounds like a stressful situation, but if he is usually on time with payments and it isn't reoccurring it just sounds like you'll both have to muddle through.

Do you have the option of opening an overdraft with your bank to get you through the week? (Apologies don't mean to be suggesting things you've probably already thought about but it was the first thing to pop into my head)

Orangejuicemarathoner · 05/10/2021 21:46

sounds like he is struggling. If he hasn't been paid, he isn't going to be able to make your payment, is he

Orangejuicemarathoner · 05/10/2021 21:48

@MrsRobbieHart

however he has a partner who has an income and he said that his mum sent him some money and his boss has put bits of money in here and there.

Sorry OP but you’re being unreasonable here. He clearly doesn’t have it if his mum is having to give him money! His boss has messed up his pay. If he had paid consistently up til now then I think you need to cut him some slack. I know you’re struggling but he can’t give you what he hasn’t got and his partners money isn’t a cushion fund for his child support.

completely agree, it has absolutely nothing to do with his partner, no way should your child maintenance be coming from your ex's partner. YABVVVVVU to even think it
Briony123 · 05/10/2021 21:50

Totally not helpful but if you split up a few years ago you really should be at a point now where his money is helpful rather than being totally dependent on it. Unless you had 6 children with him and several of them are teenagers who eat non-stop.
This should be a wake up call to get more pennies in off your own bat rather than relying on the kids' grandmother or stepmother to fund them.

Original poster
Lawstudentmumtoone · 05/10/2021 21:53

@Briony123

Totally not helpful but if you split up a few years ago you really should be at a point now where his money is helpful rather than being totally dependent on it. Unless you had 6 children with him and several of them are teenagers who eat non-stop. This should be a wake up call to get more pennies in off your own bat rather than relying on the kids' grandmother or stepmother to fund them.
I have a disability and several health conditions and a full time carer at the same time for a disabled dependant family member - so I wish I could “get more pennies” and I don’t rely on them - I rely on my child’s FATHER’S money every month because not everyone can have plenty of money for it just to be “helpful”.

Hope you’re happy with your shitty little comment now

OP posts:
BurntO · 05/10/2021 21:53

YABVU. It’s a total one off and he is clearly struggling. It is NOTHING to do with his partner. Are you really struggling that much with a partial payment? Do you work? Do you have a partner?

BurntO · 05/10/2021 21:54

OP he doesn’t have the money. Don’t ruin an amicable relationship over his bosses mistake.

Original poster
Lawstudentmumtoone · 05/10/2021 21:55

@BurntO

YABVU. It’s a total one off and he is clearly struggling. It is NOTHING to do with his partner. Are you really struggling that much with a partial payment? Do you work? Do you have a partner?
No I don’t work due to disability and caring for a family member and I don’t have a partner. I’m sorry I didn’t realise I was being so impossible trying to chase the money that I’m owed to feed my child!
OP posts:
Original poster
Lawstudentmumtoone · 05/10/2021 21:55

I would love to see how some of you would react if you was in this situation, I’m sure it would be a very different post!

OP posts:
Beancounter1 · 05/10/2021 21:56

If his boss can't pay him, I suspect the business will fold and he will be unemployed soon.
I suggest you look into universal credit. If you have a mortgage, consider the worst that can happen - having to sell the house and go into rented - face it full on; don't panic or do anything hasty but equally don't hide from the truth.
Trying to hide and pretend this is not happening will only get you into deeper trouble and debt.

MrsRobbieHart · 05/10/2021 21:59

@Lawstudentmumtoone

I would love to see how some of you would react if you was in this situation, I’m sure it would be a very different post!
I don’t get any child support from my ex for our two dc, one who is disabled which creates additional costs (have applied for DLA but still waiting) so I’m not even in the “lucky” position you are to only be waiting on half a payment. But your ex can’t give you what he doesn’t have.

So like I said, what do you need to pay for between now and payday- maybe we can help work something out.

BurntO · 05/10/2021 22:00

He doesn’t have the money OP. Being a dick won’t make it appear. Contact your local services for a food bank parcel if you have no food. That will help until the issue is resolved.

Pebbledashery · 05/10/2021 22:00

You are being a bit unreasonable. It's a one off, if this was a pattern of behaviour then of course I would understand, but he physically didn't have the money to give you in full.. He could've been a total dick and not given you anything at all let alone half. You're unreasonable to even mention his partners income.
You absolutely should never depend on child maintenance, appreciate you can't work due to your circumstances, but if he fell out of work, you'd be screwed.

Original poster
Lawstudentmumtoone · 05/10/2021 22:01

@BurntO

He doesn’t have the money OP. Being a dick won’t make it appear. Contact your local services for a food bank parcel if you have no food. That will help until the issue is resolved.
Reported your comment - now go do something better and get off the post Smile
OP posts:
Pebbledashery · 05/10/2021 22:01

And you are extremely defensive.

Original poster
Lawstudentmumtoone · 05/10/2021 22:03

@Pebbledashery

And you are extremely defensive.
Of course I am because I’m stressing that I have no money because he hasn’t sorted it out! He isn’t actively sorting it out just saying he is going to message his boss and hasn’t! And whilst he isn’t bothering sorting it out, I need to work out how to feed my child until next week on £2!
OP posts:
Original poster
Lawstudentmumtoone · 05/10/2021 22:04

@Pebbledashery

And you are extremely defensive.
If he was on his boss everyday trying to sort this out I would be more sympathetic but it’s been 2 weeks and he has hardly contacted his boss!
OP posts:
aishahsk · 05/10/2021 22:06

Have you explained you haven't got money for food next week? Could he drop you some food round from his cupboards/freezer until the money situation is sorted.

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