How long to take off work for Grandparent

[BlueButterfliesAndPurpleStars]

AIBU more for traffic as it's not a straight yes / no, but I want to avoid being U.

Grandma passed today. She's been fighting cancer for over 3 years but the end went super quickly.

I'm next of kin. My mum passed 2 years ago. No other close family. She was my "other mother" as Dad passed when I was 2, and honestly she was more a mum to me than my own Mum.

When Mum passed I just felt weird and relieved. Had no idea what I was "supposed" to do in hospital.

Seeing Grandma today (she passed at home), I hugged her and talked to her and sobbed.

Have spent all day arranging undertakers, making personal phone calls and now I'm numb.

I need to book an appt with the funeral director, make arrangements etc. I live an hour away. I'm happy to take whatever time as holiday, I'm not taking any over Xmas and have plenty to use. Work have been super supportive over anything and have said "take as long as you need". How long do I need?

On top of that I potentially have Covid, middle DD tested positive on LFT and I've felt rubbish but negative LFT. Awaiting PCR results. Would prob have phoned in sick for today (dealing with any immediates) to recover but this happened instead (and was told to forget about Covid in this instance).

What's the balance of not making myself ill trying to "be OK"? I'm WFH. I'm thinking saying I'll "be there" but no client facing, delegating what I can for the rest of the week? Would that be OK? It can be marked as annual leave if that's best. Thursday is my day off anyway. I'm on PT hours so only 4 hours the other days.

I'm just numb and can't think straight. I have so much to sort to make sure she gets the best send off ever. I want to call her and ask her what to do. She was my Mum. Not by name but she was.

*and we're meeting tomorrow to talk things through. But she signposted me to the EAP / Samaritans overnight. I'm not OK.

I'm angry at myself as I told Grandma last week, when she said she was scared to leave me and don't want to put any more on my plate, that I could handle it and that we were so close I could talk to her in my head and know what she would say.

But now it's silent in my head. How can that be? I could always talk to her in my head. I always followed up with a call but she just reaffirmed what I already knew.

She was the only person there for me. Now I have people, but I have to put myself in them.

I don't want to do this. I want her back. I can't.

Have been on hold for 5 minutes with the Samaritans. Maybe I'm beyond help.

You're very strong.

I want you to know that there are still people out here thinking of you.

I hope you are ok OP. Your grand mother wouldn't want you falling apart now she is gone. You are part of her legacy.

Do your work not have a policy? We’re ‘up to 5 days’ for close family, but at the manager’s discretion. Mind you, I was made to take a day’s annual leave for my only grandparent’s funeral… but my manager is a c**t.
You can call in sick, and self-certify for the first week; and get your GP to sign you off longer if you need it.
I’m also really sorry to hear about your Gran. X

I'm sorry to hear about your gran. Really does sound like you've had a tough time with loss & the struggles with your daughter.

Sounds like you're aware of your struggles & are reaching out for help which is good.

Don't feel like you need to rush back to work. If I lost my parent I couldn't imagine going back to work soon. I had 4 weeks off + a phased return with my miscarriage. Plus if you potentially have covid that will be adding on the exhaustion. It took me 4 weeks to be able to return to work after having covid. Months later I'm not quite myself yet.

Would it help to tell us about your gran?

Have you got anyone you can call OP that can come be with you?
You are not beyond help.... I hope someone answers very soon
💐

Condolences for your loss.

Do you have a work handbook, usually theres guidelines for compassionate leave.

Generally it's one week (more with management agreement)

When my nan dies, I took 2 days initially, then non client facing work for a week. Took 3 days for the funeral, another few days none client facing then back to normal.

Everyone is different though. But if you have a handbook or policy have a look to see what time off they generally give.

Thank you so much everyone. Just to not worry anyone, I got through to Samaritans. I'm sorry for falling off a ledge there.

They were brilliant.

It's helped me realise that this is just the tip of the iceberg. Honestly, I am strong. I've been through a lot and this has triggered trauma that I'll address. I might need some proper time off (or at least gentle work) but I'll discuss that with my GP / work).

My Grandma was amazing. My Mum had type 1 diabetes, my dad took his life when I was 2. So she was always there. We spent holidays, weekends, weeks at a time there. She came nearly every day to do the washing up. When I was a kid, and I had to call an ambulance for mum, she turned up at the same time as them to swoop in. I've called her every day of my life.

She fought cancer for 3 years actively, but as it was a NET Tumor was likely there 7 years before. She was sharp as a nail right up until Monday. She was just in too much pain to talk at that point. And passed 12 hours later.

I have a notebook telling me who to call, what mass and hymns she wants, what to be buried with. We went through it several times. She didn't want me to worry about anything.

She was my person. She was with me far longer than she should have been. Pure brute strength on her part. I'm glad she's at peace but I miss her so, so much.

Big hugs. I can't give you real flowers, but I'm thinking of you

Your gran's voice will come back - you've had a big shock which is probably why you can't hear her right now. Hold on in there.

I’m so sorry for your loss. The week off work will be fine- I doubt they’ll ask you to take it as AL. Give your line manager a call tomorrow. I hope you don’t have Covid in the midst of everything else . Thinking of you.