Trying to help another parent *Title edited by MNHQ*

[Chalcopyrite]

I (23F) am not a parent, but an incident happened today in which I interfered with a situation and now I'm wondering if it was the right thing to do, so would appreciate the opinions from mums.

I heard a child crying really loud for a couple of minutes and looked out the window and there was a 2 year old sat on the pavement outside our house.. I couldn't see her mum anywhere so I went outside to see what was going on.. Then I saw her mum round the corner, out of the line of sight of her child, about half way down the road with her two other children just walking off.. So I went up to the toddler and asked her if she okay but she just keeps crying, then her older sister was walking back towards me and her mum was yelling something at me but I couldn't hear her..

The sister picks up the toddler and starts walking back to their mum who is shouting "leave her" and then she just leaves her on the pavement again. I didn't have my shoes on so went back inside the house to grab shoes and my bag and start walking down the road, by that time the toddler has gotten up and is trailing behind her mum and sister, so I just start walking down the road to make sure nothing happens to her and she isn't left on the pavement again, like in case someone in a car coming out a driveway can't see her and she gets hurt.

But then the mum turns around and thinks I'm following her and starts yelling at me... I was too scared to speak or move but she was just yelling "why are you following me? Do you think I'm a bad mum because my 2 year old is having a strop? Do you want to report me, Karen?".. eventually I guess she got fed up with my unresponsivenrss and just walked off..

I wasn't judging her, even though I see in hindsight that's how it came across, I was just incredibly distressed at seeing a little toddler left alone on the pavement where anything could have happened to her and I just got fixated on making sure she was okay.. I wasn't even thinking about the mum..

But now my mum thinks I made the situation worse and that I shouldn't have interfered but I feel like I couldn't have just not done anything, I just acted on instinct and didn't really think it through.

So, did I do the wrong thing by interfering?

Fucking hell, this title, OP!

When mine was younger I had to use that tactic to just leave them quite a lot. It worked
I could see her, she wasn't in danger and she was too busy crying to wander off and get in danger.
In the end she came

For the love of God please get this post title changed.

How do I change title?
You all complain but no one help

Report your thread.. Click the 3 dots and select report.
You're a grown adult woman I presume, why on earth would you post this thread title.

Checking on child fine.

Following them - not fine.

I actually went out once to check on a child outside my house who was distressed. They'd escaped and couldn't get back in and mum hadn't yet noticed they'd got out. More mum was distraught when I knocked on door. These things happen though and made me glad I'd stuck my oar in!

@Pebbledashery

Report your thread.. Click the 3 dots and select report. You're a grown adult woman I presume, why on earth would you post this thread title.

The OP has said she has autism.

It's just a very literal way of wording it and reading the OP it makes it clear what she meant.

My ds who has autism also words things quite literally and using a turn of phrase that differs from how others would think to word things.

@Pebbledashery

Report your thread.. Click the 3 dots and select report. You're a grown adult woman I presume, why on earth would you post this thread title.

Is there any need for this? You’re a grown adult woman I presume, so you must have read where OP says English isn’t her first language?

*Thank you all for your comments and for making me feel even more worse and confused
*
Oh get a grip! Why post if you just want everyone to agree with you and Pat you on the back.

You did the right thing by checking on them. You shouldn't have gone inside, got your shoes and then followed them. You were judging. Don't dress it up as anything else.

@Hugoslavia

Walking on and leaving a crying tantruming toddler is absolutely not acceptable in the vicinity of a road. A toddler should be in a pushchair or holding its mother's hand. Also, leaving behind a toddler is not a great way of dealing with things. It is only going to add to its distress.

Exactly! How can anyone think this is OK? You did the right thing OP.

You could have watched from the window.

@Pebbledashery

Report your thread.. Click the 3 dots and select report. You're a grown adult woman I presume, why on earth would you post this thread title.

She's explained why. No need to be so rude.

I voted YABU - but only because you stood there not speaking. That would have been pretty creepy. But no, you weren’t wrong to make sure a toddler wasn’t kidnapped, I don’t understand the walk away method when your child is crying and struggling to keep up, it feels outright negligent.

Oh FFS everyone! The OP is clearly pretty upset and also has said she has autism and English isn't her first language. It's clear what the title means as soon as you open the thread!

OP don't beat yourself up! You kept an eye on child - child was fine. No harm done. If you'd said you went back inside there would be people on this thread saying you should have kept an eye on the situation or even phoned social services! I think you could argue either way that it would have been better to keep an eye or leave alone. It doesn't really matter now. All is fine! Don't let people on here make you feel terrible!

No, you did the right thing.
A distressed toddler alone next to a road is dangerous.
She was defensive because she knew she was in the wrong.

Is everyone completely ignoring the fact this was ON A ROAD?!? Of course you did the right thing by checking the toddler was ok OP if mother was out of sight.

I don’t let my two year old (second child, otherwise mildly neglected in the way second children are!!) more than 2 metres away never mind halfway down the street if there are cars around, and if any are moving near her it’s strict handholding or carrying. In the park or elsewhere away from cars - well, yes, I probably would wander off ahead if she was having an absolute meltdown and refusing to come.

OP, I have no idea why everyone is going for you on this thread. I also have no idea why everyone is making such an absolute drama about the the title when it’s perfectly evident what you meant.

At least you did something OP. Doing nothing is the easy option, but not the right or courageous one. If this is how that mum treats her child in public, then I'm sure you know it might be a lot worse behind closed doors. Very difficult for the older child too, who clearly couldn't bear leaving the 2 year old crying in the street, but was made to go against her instincts. Actually a horrible scenario all round. Again, at least you tried. Too many people look the other way.

@GuckGuckDoose

Is everyone completely ignoring the fact this was ON A ROAD?!? Of course you did the right thing by checking the toddler was ok OP if mother was out of sight.

I don’t let my two year old (second child, otherwise mildly neglected in the way second children are!!) more than 2 metres away never mind halfway down the street if there are cars around, and if any are moving near her it’s strict handholding or carrying. In the park or elsewhere away from cars - well, yes, I probably would wander off ahead if she was having an absolute meltdown and refusing to come.

OP, I have no idea why everyone is going for you on this thread. I also have no idea why everyone is making such an absolute drama about the the title when it’s perfectly evident what you meant.

Come on. If that vital piece of information was acknowledged it would be much harder to play let's bash the op...

Going out to see what’s wrong with a crying child - fine and very kind.
Following them after you’ve seen she’s with her mum and siblings - unnecessary.

I think because you don’t have children you would think it’s strange to walk away from a crying child but chances are she was having a tantrum and wasn’t getting her own way so the mum walked on but was very much keeping an eye on her.

I’m not sure what everyone’s issue is with the title it’s absolutely fine OP! Interfering = being involved without being asked. Being a busy body etc.

@toocold54

I’m not sure what everyone’s issue is with the title it’s absolutely fine OP! Interfering = being involved without being asked. Being a busy body etc.

If OP had said in RL that she had 'interfered with someone else's children', she'd be in a very sticky situation indeed.

YANBU to check the child was OK when you thought it was alone.

YABU to continue once you realise the parent is taking care of the situation in their own way. It's not up to you to decide how others raise their kids.

YABVU to follow them down the street and I'm not surprised you got a mouthful to be honest - rude yes, but completely predictable.

As a rule, apply the "999 test" to situations like this. If you believe the situation warrants involvement, call 999 and let them know what's going on. They can then do what they need and your conscience is clear. If you don't think it's worth bothering the police over, then it's not worth getting involved at all.