... to ask if anyone else feels taken totally for granted?

[FreeAsAByrd]

Apologies if this is a bit of rant...

I'm in a lucky position to be able to continue working from home, and the company I work for has done well through the pandemic, brexit, etc. However, the "new normal" has just ended up with me getting increasingly frustrated and angry.

At some level I'm should feel fortunate, but I'm increasing feeling take for granted. New things for me since WFH are:

• pop out from work for school drop/collect (it's fairly close, but traffic bad)
• monitor DSis kids (they come here for a few hours after school, don't require much attention to be honest)
• irregular hours with people pinging very early morning, and late in the evening (I'm helpful, so inclined to answer)
• DH starting work early, and often working late
• drop MIL to/from hospital 2x times week for treatment

I just seem to have so many things more to do, and it's as if people think WFH for me means I'm available to do other things.

I'd normally get some of this out of my system going for a run or gym, but broken arm accident put a stop to that for now.

End of rant :(

Start being less available. They're using you and taking you for granted. Block out your time WFH.

You do realise you’re ranting at yourself - there’s only one person who has created this situation. As the kids from Grange Hill famously sang ‘Just Say No!’.

If you're wfh then clearly you are not available to do other things.

Stop checking / answering emails etc outside of your working hours. Set yourself some boundaries.

Then set boundaries with others and stop being so available. Decide what you can and cannot do and stick to it.

You're clearly a people pleaser. Start saying no.

YABU, because the only person who's taking you for granted is you. Find your spine!

You don't need to answer "pings"(?) at all hours

Work out which of those things you don't want to do anymore and let the person know

Who used to take the children to school when you were working in your office? Someone’s got to do it.

The other issues sound frustrating I can relate to that feeling of being a taxi service and constantly being pinged with work texts and emails just because someone else wants to work irregular hours. That happens to me a lot too…I’m deliberately ignoring a couple tonight.😄

Oh dear OP it sounds more like you are a SAHP than an employee who is WFH.

What does your work think- this is a big chunk of your working day you are doing everything except working!.

I wouldn’t dream of allowing someone’s children to be dropped off while I was working, unless the parents had just been rushed off to hospital in an ambulance. I’m working, why would I?

Mil appts - how long do they go for? I could easily duck out for half an hour but not for 1.5h twice a week. Tell dh he has to sort something out for the second one each week, and if anything else comes onto your plate that interrupts work he will have to cover both/ work out someone to cover both.

My kids are in after school care. Because I’m working. And dh has to leave work and pick them up, because he shares the load with me because I’m working full time just like him. Whether I’m at home makes very little difference, and it most certainly doesn’t make me the default parent.

The only thing I do do on your list is answer pings at all hours, ie the one thing where you do prioritise work!

Fight back, woman.

A few comments:

• Do you think your DH should be doing a lot more? You barely mention him/his role

• Your post sounds very "stressed". It seems like you can't go to gym, but what about walking or something else? Or the opposite relation/meditation?

• Is the problem doing all the things? Or is the problem that you are not getting rewarded or thanked?

Whatever the case, you need to do something about it rather than a MN rant :)

No, but then I wouldn't watch other people's kids for free at the same time as working. Nor would I drive someone else's mother to hospital. That's your DH's job. His job is no more important than yours.

I don't do other people's chores. Thus, not taken advantage of. And lots of free time after work.

I think there will be winners and losers with WFH.

For some the dream to turn stale quickly. Life, particularly work life, has a sort of self-levelling mechanism. If you're department is more production then maybe some redundancies might happen. If you no longer commute to London, then how can you justify your London allowance? Being at home all day might not be easy on a marriage.

As for women, it'll make it easier to juggle the kids and housework...

Yes if I didn’t do it. It wouldn’t get done luckily I’m in charge of the finances he’s hopeless. I do all the phone calls unless he’s in one of his moods and he does it.

Thanks for the posts. I really do need to make things more under my control, a lot of things have happened, it's been a steady slide, and I just need to backtrack to some sort of normality.

DSis kids are early teens, she's lost her job during pandemic, and now has to commute, until she finds something nearer in the new year. We're close to hospital, so for MIL (I dearly love) it is more a drop off and collect after 2 hours, but still it messes up my day.

@JustLikeSugar, yes it is a mixture of missing "thank you" and the time/effort it all takes. It does feel like I'm considered a stay-at-home mom, rather than a WFH software engineer.

DH has a big role in how I'm feeling too, he's super busy at work, libido mismatch, etc.

Glad I posted. Thanks for the wake up call. I'm on it!

OP, might be easier to make this changes one at a time? while ensuring that there nothing else added to your plate. It's always easy to say "thank you", but some people never think about it.

I was also WFH for a few months, as was DH, which meant that both of us had a better understanding than ever of each others work, efforts, etc. Back in office/commute now, with pro/cons.

Can imagine you are not too enthused about DH looking for sex, when you are so busy with work and juggling that amount of stuff.

I'd clarify that the drive mismatch is me wanting it, and him almost never (he'd never if I didn't initiate, and when he does do it he really makes zero effort).

Never ever thought I'd be in a situation like this :( .... but I digress, don't want to change to to a relationship thing. You've all given good advice, I know what I need to do,