Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go to a wedding despite being off sick for three weeks

26 replies

Toothiehurtie · 04/10/2021 20:22

I have a tooth infection that’s spread and have been very ill in and out of hospital for tests and various antibiotics. Wedding is Friday and have a sick note that runs out Friday.

Wedding is close friends second wedding really like new wife and lots of friends going. We have an overnight babysitter and a hotel room booked.

Am thinking I will just drive over for the ceremony and then come back leaving OH there and have a quiet night in alone but then if people take social media pictures I’m worried it looks wrong.

Have had three weeks off work and not right yet and coincidentally leaving after 18 years on very good terms to go somewhere else in a month

OP posts:
HipposHaveNipples · 04/10/2021 20:23

Will you be back at work on the Monday? As you're leaving anyway, I would go!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/10/2021 20:23

Presumably you have an annual leave day booked in for the wedding (pre illness), I'd go back to work Thursday.

EatSleepRantRepeat · 04/10/2021 20:27

I wouldn't think particularly badly of an ill colleague going to a wedding ceremony. I might roll my eyes if there were pics of them burning up the dance floor and extending their leave afterwards, but I think people understand you can't get out of certain commitments when you're ill but mobile.

Milkshake54 · 04/10/2021 20:28

I’d go if I felt well enough

Ididanamechange · 04/10/2021 20:29

Normally I'd say that would be quite bad but if you're leaving anyway I'd go for it. Can you change your social media settings so no one at work can see anything about you?

chipsandpeas · 04/10/2021 20:31

id go if i felt up to it and was going back into work on the monday
i was once signed off work for 2 weeks with a chest infection and went on a works team day out on the saturday before i returned to work, nothing was said to me

Original poster
Toothiehurtie · 04/10/2021 20:31

i was going to just swap my day off so I don’t have annual leave booked. I so hope to be back at work on Monday, I’m so sick of being off

OP posts:
Sciurus83 · 04/10/2021 20:33

Will anyone from work be at the wedding? If not lock down all your social media so no one can take you in pictures and job's a good un

Wolfiefan · 04/10/2021 20:38

If you don’t think you’ll be well enough to go to work on Monday then I certainly wouldn’t be going to the wedding

honkytonkheroe · 04/10/2021 20:42

I'd go. Being too unwell to work doesn't mean you're too unwell to attend a wedding.

octoberbundle · 04/10/2021 21:05

Go but if you're well enough to go to a wedding a drive away on the Friday I would go into work at least on the Thursday before you're annual leave, otherwise it really doesn't look good.

Bagamoyo1 · 04/10/2021 21:09

@Toothiehurtie

i was going to just swap my day off so I don’t have annual leave booked. I so hope to be back at work on Monday, I’m so sick of being off
If you’re ell enough to go to the wedding, how can you not be certain you’ll be well enough to go back to work on Monday?

I think it’s cheeky and I’d be really pissed off if I worked with you and discovered this.

gogohm · 04/10/2021 21:15

I would book the day off, I would be pretty annoyed if someone went to a wedding whilst on sick leave

NailsNeedDoing · 04/10/2021 21:20

A tooth infection that has needed a stay in hospital sounds bloody awful. Find some joy where you can and go to the wedding, tell your friends not to put you on FB.

NotYourCupOfTea · 04/10/2021 21:42

Go an enjoy the wedding Flowers

Cloudyzebra · 04/10/2021 21:49

Definitely go to the wedding. If you are back at work Monday you must be well on the way to recovery, so why not go. It is no one else's business what you do while you are off sick.

Spanglebangle · 04/10/2021 21:49

I'd go. My mum was off long term sick but got invited to the work Christmas do. She asked her friend in hr what she should do. HR said the sick not means she is unable to work it doesn't have anything to do with any activity outside of work.

So I would say if you feel well enough you should go and enjoy it.

Halo1234 · 04/10/2021 21:51

Go enjoy the wedding.

Jangle33 · 04/10/2021 21:54

Book Friday as annual leave. Then go. You can’t risk being unwell on Monday again and not able to attend.

MissM2912 · 04/10/2021 21:55

I think you would be extremely foolish to go without returning to work the day before. If on of my staff did this I would be far from impressed- not well enough to be in work with a sore mouth but grand to get dressed up and go to a wedding?? It will reflect really badly on you and I don’t think worth the risk.

JustAnother30Something · 04/10/2021 21:56

If you go to the wedding, then surely you have to go back to work Monday?

As an employer I'd be a bit Hmm if you went to the wedding Fri and then still called in sick Mon

Jasmine11 · 04/10/2021 21:58

I would go if I were you, I wouldn't miss a friend's wedding as I cared about the opinions of people in a work place I was leaving anyway. If you are worried about social media though, just set your Facebook settings so you have to approve it when someone tags you, that way the pics won't appear on your profile.

Jasmine11 · 04/10/2021 22:02

@MissM2912

I think you would be extremely foolish to go without returning to work the day before. If on of my staff did this I would be far from impressed- not well enough to be in work with a sore mouth but grand to get dressed up and go to a wedding?? It will reflect really badly on you and I don’t think worth the risk.
What's the risk though? OP is leaving anyway and is planning to be back at work on the Monday. Life is too short to care if your boss is impressed or not - a decent boss would be glad their employee who has genuinely been off sick for weeks was on the mend and wouldn't begrudge them going to a social event the Friday before they came back to work surely?
MissM2912 · 04/10/2021 22:24

They could retract their reference? I would check staff hand book but could be construed as misconduct? Really depends on the manager but I do know if it happened in my office it would go down like a lead balloon. I can understand to some degree if off with a mental illness but not with a sore mouth. If you aren’t fit to be in work (and colleagues are potentially picking up the work), then really you aren’t fit to be at a party.

Original poster
Toothiehurtie · 04/10/2021 22:42

Colleagues are picking up my work. It’s all or nothing. I can’t go in and do a couple of hours it’s a full on 12 hour day without giving anything away about what I do I would have to be potentially ready to attend hearings.

I think I’m going to ring my boss and big boss and just ask them. Then it’s on record.

I might be back in hospital anyway.

I would never ever want to do anything which pissed anyone off I am leaving on great terms and will miss and be missed. If I didn’t feel obliged to go to the wedding I wouldn’t at all. I’m sad about missing the party side of things but thinking if I only go to the ceremony and meal it’s only about 4 hours?

OP posts: