DM's new bf makes me uncomfortable

[ShrekTheThird]

So my DM has a new boyfriend. They've been together a few months, I've met him a couple of times. I instantly got a bad impression from him, he didn't introduce himself to me and just kept making 'smart' comments. Just didn't come across very well.

Since then I've been in the same room as him maybe 3/4 times but not for very long. He has never spoken to directly, never replied / acknowledged me when I've said hello or goodbye. Seems very rude to me.

He does however give my toddler DD attention. He speaks to her, he has brought a present for her every time we've seen him. This completely rubs me up the wrong way. I think it's very strange that he won't acknowledge me but wants to give my daughter attention. I'm not accusing him of anything but he definitely makes me wary and I would not want to leave my DD alone with him.

Now the issue. My mum regularly babysits for my DD, and I whilst I don't want to stop that as she loves it and so does my DD, I feel very uncomfortable with the thought of this man around my child when I'm not there. I also don't think if I approached her with my feelings she would take it very well, she would definitely take the stance that I'm accusing him of being a pedophile.

Not sure quite what I'm asking but how would you fellow mums approach this?

I'm sure there was a very similar thread recently. If you can find it there might be some good advice there.

Have you Googled him?

(I can't find the previous thread though)

trust your instincts and all, but maybe he is picking up on your suspicion and doesnt quite know how to approach you... whereas small kids are a bit simpler to deal with!

I say follow your instinct. You’re not accusing him of anything, but something about him rubs you the wrong way and you don’t feel comfortable with him being around your daughter without you being there.

I’m always one to suggest women listen to the little tickle in their mind that something is off. All animals have intuition when something is off.. human women are the only ones who talk ourselves out of listening out of fear of needing to be nice and fear of hurting someone’s feelings.

Again.. you’re not accusing him of anything, but you don’t feel good around him. You’re entitled to decide who can be around your child and if your mother can’t respect that then she doesn’t need to watch your child alone. Simple… and also this is a boyfriend of a few months.. it’s no rule saying he needs to be around your child.

If it were me and I felt uncomfortable with someone being around my child then they would not be around my child.

Your spidey sense is very important - do not leave your child with him.

You can ask the police for a Sarah’s Law disclosure. They will let you know if they have any intelligence on him that would mean it isn’t a good idea for your child to be around him, and he wouldn’t know that you have asked for this. Obviously they only know what they know, so if they have no information that doesn’t mean there is no risk. But it might help you to make a decision. Personally, I would listen to your instinct.

Go with your gut, it's your baby. He's a strange man, they haven't been together long enough for him to be around when your mum babysit. This is perfectly reasonable.

Sorry op it's tough but you just have to be honest and tell her you're uncomfortable.

Thank you for everyone not thinking I'm completely crazy. Normally I have no problem with people giving my DD presents (she's the first grand baby so gets lots of presents and attention) but something about the way he is just feels really off to me in a way that's difficult to explain

@BiscuitLover09876

Go with your gut, it's your baby. He's a strange man, they haven't been together long enough for him to be around when your mum babysit. This is perfectly reasonable.

Exactly this. Your mother may feel she knows him well but you haven't had long enough to get to know him and your dd certainly hasn't, so don't feel bad for saying that you are not comfortable with your mum babysitting with him there. The only thing is, even if your mum says she'll babysit alone, can you fully trust that she will keep him away?

Trust your gut.

I agree trust your instincts, it’s very odd he is so attentive to your daughter but barely acknowledges you. If he was as attentive to you maybe i’d think he was just trying too hard but he seems to only want to make the effort with your daughter. That doesn’t sit right.

Have you spoken with your mum about him ignoring you? Surely she has noticed? Even if you don’t want to talk about your concerns about your daughter shouldn’t she be noticing her new boyfriend is behaving weirdly around HER daughter?

Nah I would trust your gut on this for sure, it’s perfectly normal to not want someone you don’t know well around your child without you unnecessarily especially if you got a bad feeling about them!

My mum seems a bit oblivious tbh. I think she's in the honeymoon stage where all she talks about is how lovely he is. All i see is a rude middle aged man tbh.
I don't think she would go against my wishes, I think she would either accept it and be fine or she would get very insulted and not want to speak to me.

Trust your gut, my DD used to have a school friend, she sometimes went for sleepovers at her house (she was about 9). However the father, who always did the school run, never acknowledged us or returned a wave/smile to us as parents. Just completely blanked us when we said hello. We stopped DD going for sleepovers there because I could not get my head around it and didn't like it.

Ignoring for one moment the underlying implication, he's been outright rude to you, and that's a no to him being in your home, or around your dd. Non-negotiable.

Put it that way to your mum, with explicit examples so as to be Very Clear.

But yeah, spidey senses are seldom wrong.