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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my partner should validate me occasionally

25 replies

heyyyyy · 04/10/2021 19:40

I don't feel loved/special/attractive by my partner.

To make matters worse his mother is horrible to me and he takes her side!

I’m going to come across as really needy here but am I being unreasonable to ask for a bit more? He can’t give compliments, he’s practical and kind. But he treats me no differently to his girl-friends.

I guess i just want to feel like he loves me and I’m the love of his life 😂😜

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 04/10/2021 19:42

Why are you staying with a man whose mother is horrible to you and he takes her side?

iklboo · 04/10/2021 19:42

But he treats me no differently to his girl-friends

Girlfriends or friends who happen to be female?

negomi90 · 04/10/2021 19:44

There's nothing wrong with needing a partner to make you feel special. If he can't meet your needs and you are unhappy then this isn't the right relationship for you.
If he's letting his mum bully you then he's not a good person.

Original poster
heyyyyy · 04/10/2021 21:34

It's easy to say don't stay but I love him and just want him to take my side

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 04/10/2021 21:36

What do you love about him?

Being in a relationship is meant to make you happier.

Unanananana · 04/10/2021 21:38

What is there to love about him?

He doesn't seem to love you?

Cocomarine · 04/10/2021 21:39

Why do you love someone who lets their mum bully you? That’s fucked up.

SparrowNest · 04/10/2021 21:39

Can you give us an example of him taking his mum’s side against you? And by treating you like a friend, do you mean he doesn’t show physical affection or anything? What is your sex life like?

AlphabetStew · 04/10/2021 21:43

I think; it would be nice but do NOT rely on it.

Original poster
heyyyyy · 04/10/2021 22:01

His mum verbally attacked my parenting skills - initially he sided with me but when it was brought up afterwards he sided with her

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 04/10/2021 22:08

What else has gone on?

Merryoldgoat · 04/10/2021 22:11

Why do you love someone who clearly doesn’t act like he loves you?

FinallyHere · 04/10/2021 22:21

his mother is horrible to me and he takes her side

What is there to live about this one?

Throw him back. You deserve so much more.

expatmigrant · 04/10/2021 22:23

Give him back to his mum

Buggritbuggrit · 04/10/2021 22:26

@heyyyyy

It's easy to say don't stay but I love him and just want him to take my side
So, he doesn’t make you feel loved/special/attractive and he’s not on your side, but you’re hoping love will somehow conquer all?

I don’t think you sound needy - our partners are supposed to support and love us. That’s why we have them. I think you sound like someone who has set the bar far too low for what she’s willing to accept - and somehow still found a man who limboed under it.

Raise the bar.

Guineapigbridge · 04/10/2021 22:55

It's pretty knee-jerk for the OP to leave the father of her child because he doesn't compliment her often enough. Mumsnet sometimes gives the worst relationship advice!

PurpleOkapi · 04/10/2021 22:57

@heyyyyy

His mum verbally attacked my parenting skills - initially he sided with me but when it was brought up afterwards he sided with her
Maybe you and he disagree on how your child should be parented. That's not unusual. It doesn't matter whether his mother agrees with either of you, but you and he aren't on the same page, that's a much bigger issue than anything his mother might do. That conversation should have been about the parenting disagreement, not about his mother.
Original poster
heyyyyy · 04/10/2021 23:14

My children are not with my partner. She attacked me for being a sahm for a number of years to my now adult children.

OP posts:
Original poster
heyyyyy · 04/10/2021 23:15

Oh abs I think my expectations are too high Sadfor him...

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 04/10/2021 23:24

What’s it to them that you were a sahm? Was he supporting you at the time?

You could give a bit more info if you want people to help you.

But the main thing is he either adds to your life positively and makes you feel happy and good about yourself or he doesn’t.

I suggest if you regularly feel undermined or disrespected or unsupported then you don’t feel loved or appreciated as a person and that this can’t be making you happy.

honeygriff · 04/10/2021 23:30

My DP's mum is not overly keen on me. I don't really care. I support the relationship between them because I know she loves him. We talk openly about the dislike. It does upset him. I think I quite like being unpopular as there's a freedom in it. She won't visit us or join us for any family occasions! We haven't been over her threshold since covid. Every couple of months we will do 10 minutes chatting in her front garden. It suits me just fine! Keep her at arms length is my advice. Your life will be easier for it.

Sunbird24 · 04/10/2021 23:36

You loving him is not enough, if he doesn’t love you too he’ll just take advantage of that and use it as a weapon against you.
Whatever your expectations are it doesn’t sound like he’s interested in trying to meet them. What do you get out of this relationship that’s positive?

Guineapigbridge · 04/10/2021 23:36

My MIL doesn't like me. I stopped giving a fuck years ago. She's a bitter person who has no friends and whose family barely tolerate her. DH nods along to her littany of rants and complaints as it's easier not to disagree and make it into a 'thing'. Is that what he's doing?

HollowTalk · 04/10/2021 23:45

You are in love with the man you think he should be but the fact is he's not like that. The man he actually isn't someone you like. Why would you? The whole point of a relationship is that you should each think the other one is special.

Justilou1 · 04/10/2021 23:47

Can you please define “Partner” for yourself?

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